He has gone to talk to the police Im so scared
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He has gone to talk to the police Im so scared
OMG Im so scared. My boyfriend went to talk to the police and give his statement about that girl. He went with his dad to the attorneys office and someone is supposed to come there and talk to him so he doesn’t have to go the station. He said he would call me as soon as its over. Im at his parents house, and his mom is freaking out just like me. I don’t know what to say to her because I don’t even know what all she knows and Ive never met her before the weekend. She seems nice, but I don’t think she much liked me wearing my bikini around the house. But today she is all nervous, and earlier she grabbed my hand and said he will be fine and told me to go out and relax by the pool. OMG how long will this take.
I mean how many questions can they have for him after this long? I don’t understand this at all, I mean he has proof he wasn’t even here when she overdosed. And I know what your going to say that there may be more to the story that I don’t know. But I KNOW he is telling me the truth. But we all know sometimes that doesn’t matter in these types of things. I don’t have anyone except his mom to talk to and I cant let her see me lose my cool about this.
And then I thought of you guys. I was reading your replies from the other day again and wow it really does feel like you all are worried about me. I didn’t really expect that when I went online. I just thought Id get some been there kind of replies and this is what will happen. Im sorry I hurt any moms feelings when talking about the girl that overdosed. I guess Im not very tactful. I didn’t expect such personal replies either but know I know that’s what Ill get now.
So tell me please what do I do while I wait here ! This is agony. Im going to do some reading like you guys told me maybe that will help but probably not because most of it is all sad.
I mean how many questions can they have for him after this long? I don’t understand this at all, I mean he has proof he wasn’t even here when she overdosed. And I know what your going to say that there may be more to the story that I don’t know. But I KNOW he is telling me the truth. But we all know sometimes that doesn’t matter in these types of things. I don’t have anyone except his mom to talk to and I cant let her see me lose my cool about this.
And then I thought of you guys. I was reading your replies from the other day again and wow it really does feel like you all are worried about me. I didn’t really expect that when I went online. I just thought Id get some been there kind of replies and this is what will happen. Im sorry I hurt any moms feelings when talking about the girl that overdosed. I guess Im not very tactful. I didn’t expect such personal replies either but know I know that’s what Ill get now.
So tell me please what do I do while I wait here ! This is agony. Im going to do some reading like you guys told me maybe that will help but probably not because most of it is all sad.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
There is a Prayer. It is called The Serenity Prayer.
You say it over and over and over and over and over. You cannot wear it
out. I have used it many times over these many years, as have others
here and elsewhere, when I am in stress and it does work:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things,
I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
the Wisdom to know the difference.
It will help, honest.
Love and hugs,
You say it over and over and over and over and over. You cannot wear it
out. I have used it many times over these many years, as have others
here and elsewhere, when I am in stress and it does work:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things,
I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
the Wisdom to know the difference.
It will help, honest.
Love and hugs,
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
If you KNOW he is innocent of any wrong doing....then why worry at all?
You may want to worry more about YOU and how your actions and words effect others. You came to this site offending many with several insensitive comments.
And now based on your own words "She seems nice, but I don’t think she much liked me wearing my bikini around the house" I am left asking... HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I wish your bf all the best, but more importantly I pray for this poor girl's family and the closure they are seeking.
You may want to worry more about YOU and how your actions and words effect others. You came to this site offending many with several insensitive comments.
And now based on your own words "She seems nice, but I don’t think she much liked me wearing my bikini around the house" I am left asking... HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I wish your bf all the best, but more importantly I pray for this poor girl's family and the closure they are seeking.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 82
LoveMeNOT.......
Im worried because we all know that even innocent people can end up in a world of trouble if they are in the wrong place wrong time or have past associations with the wrong people
I have apologized a bunch of times for offending about the comments about the girl he knew I mean how would you explain what kind of life she led and the stuff she did.
What am I supposed to say his mom is wonderful and sweet and great and all that. I just met her. I said she seems nice and she does. We were in and out of the pool thsi weekend and oh bad me Im still young enough to walk around in a bikini and feel comfortable with it, but im not used to being around older people and I didnt think to cover up everytime I walked into the house.
Its not like I was naked. geez. She didnt say anything she looked at me funny but I got it and threw a shirt on.
you seem really nitpicky
Im worried because we all know that even innocent people can end up in a world of trouble if they are in the wrong place wrong time or have past associations with the wrong people
I have apologized a bunch of times for offending about the comments about the girl he knew I mean how would you explain what kind of life she led and the stuff she did.
What am I supposed to say his mom is wonderful and sweet and great and all that. I just met her. I said she seems nice and she does. We were in and out of the pool thsi weekend and oh bad me Im still young enough to walk around in a bikini and feel comfortable with it, but im not used to being around older people and I didnt think to cover up everytime I walked into the house.
Its not like I was naked. geez. She didnt say anything she looked at me funny but I got it and threw a shirt on.
you seem really nitpicky
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
I'm sorry you are concerned. If he DOES end up in trouble, it won't be for something he didn't do. I hope thats not the case, but if it is, you might want to think about the possibility that you are aren't dating the only drug user in the world who would never lie to the ones he loves. The fact that you think you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he isnt lying to you at all speaks to your naivety and is probably why everyone is asking how old you are.
People do care already. These people care about every disheartened soul that finds their way here. They say the things they do because you are standing on a dangerous volcanic island yelling to the rest of us who are miles out on a boat "ITS NOT GONNA ERUPT! IM NOT IN DANGER" Sometimes people who are seeing the big picture of your situation and arent emotionally involved have alot better sense for what is happening. Listen to the wisdom here. Im only 24 too but ive made enough mistakes that I'm totally fine not learning from my own. Ill learn from anyone and everyones. You gotta let go of the notion that he is different.
People do care already. These people care about every disheartened soul that finds their way here. They say the things they do because you are standing on a dangerous volcanic island yelling to the rest of us who are miles out on a boat "ITS NOT GONNA ERUPT! IM NOT IN DANGER" Sometimes people who are seeing the big picture of your situation and arent emotionally involved have alot better sense for what is happening. Listen to the wisdom here. Im only 24 too but ive made enough mistakes that I'm totally fine not learning from my own. Ill learn from anyone and everyones. You gotta let go of the notion that he is different.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 82
you guys dont understand that he doesnt use drugs now. it was a long time ago. I mean yes there was once in the last year but he didnt hide that from me, and it was more recreational like I was reading about in that other post.
Im really worried because its been over 4 hours since he left and I havent heard anything and his mom hasnt either.
If I bother you guys with my attitde then I will just go.
Im really worried because its been over 4 hours since he left and I havent heard anything and his mom hasnt either.
If I bother you guys with my attitde then I will just go.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
No the problem is we do understand.
But you can go if you choose and play the victim in it all, or you can start listening to what people are telling you.
Sadly there are many in this world that did some bad **** using then got clean and had to accept the consequences of their actions. Just because he isn’t using now doesn’t mean a damn thing in terms of his past which he will have to face any consequences for. In time, always in good time.
And if you think the police will work on your time, his time, he might not even have started talking to anyone yet.
Oh and just a heads up, you know nothing and the reason why is this isn’t yours. So how can you know beyond a shadow of a doubt what any truth is … especially when you refuse to face your own and look at your own life to date…did you ever think you would be spending any of your days as you are today? Is this something you want for your life? Because even if they question him and he leaves that doesn‘t mean anything is over, it might just be the beginning.
But you can go if you choose and play the victim in it all, or you can start listening to what people are telling you.
Sadly there are many in this world that did some bad **** using then got clean and had to accept the consequences of their actions. Just because he isn’t using now doesn’t mean a damn thing in terms of his past which he will have to face any consequences for. In time, always in good time.
And if you think the police will work on your time, his time, he might not even have started talking to anyone yet.
Oh and just a heads up, you know nothing and the reason why is this isn’t yours. So how can you know beyond a shadow of a doubt what any truth is … especially when you refuse to face your own and look at your own life to date…did you ever think you would be spending any of your days as you are today? Is this something you want for your life? Because even if they question him and he leaves that doesn‘t mean anything is over, it might just be the beginning.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by pinkchampagne 
you guys dont understand that he doesnt use drugs now. it was a long time ago. I mean yes there was once in the last year but he didnt hide that from me, and it was more recreational like I was reading about in that other post.
The suggestion of using the serenity prayer is a helpful one.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((pinkchampagne)) - I've got over 5 years in recovery (addiction and codependency) and am STILL dealing with consequences from my using days. Some will be with me the rest of my life.
I not only got started on crack because "it made sex better", according to my crackhead bf, I also did exactly what this girl did...I sold myself to get money for crack after getting raped and figuring "oh well, I might as well do it to make money". Today, I'm in school, looking for another career (lost my nursing career to addiction) but I can't make my past disappear. The best I can do is learn from mistakes and move forward.
A young lady died. That is not a minor thing, and I hate to tell you, but your bf's claims that he was trying to help her do not ring true from my experience. I did have guys that wanted me to give up the crack and make my life better, but in the meantime? They had no problem selling me crack or trying to get "favors" for it.
We share our ES&H here, and though it may not be what you want to hear, it's often because we've been there, done that.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I not only got started on crack because "it made sex better", according to my crackhead bf, I also did exactly what this girl did...I sold myself to get money for crack after getting raped and figuring "oh well, I might as well do it to make money". Today, I'm in school, looking for another career (lost my nursing career to addiction) but I can't make my past disappear. The best I can do is learn from mistakes and move forward.
A young lady died. That is not a minor thing, and I hate to tell you, but your bf's claims that he was trying to help her do not ring true from my experience. I did have guys that wanted me to give up the crack and make my life better, but in the meantime? They had no problem selling me crack or trying to get "favors" for it.
We share our ES&H here, and though it may not be what you want to hear, it's often because we've been there, done that.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
There was a girl on here not too long ago, she deleted the thread or I'd paste the link in here. But she had the same thing. Her boyfriend was arrested for a drug related crime. She swore 1. He didnt do it. 2. He wasnt using. 3. He was telling her the truth. She told us how we didnt understand, how the police got the wrong guys, how it couldnt have been him, how he was just innocent etc. She wasnt even entertaining the idea that she could be wrong, she "KNEW" he was telling the truth. all she wanted from us was to know whether or not she should drive 3 hours and bail him out on the money she reserved to pay her tuition for the semester.
Meanwhile the rest of us of course know that this is a bunch of crap. Imagine her surprise when it turns out he 1. was using the whole time 2. was lying about it 3. was guilty of the crime and 4. ended up in jail and was STILL asking her for money.
This is bright flashing hazard light. Heed it or don't.
Meanwhile the rest of us of course know that this is a bunch of crap. Imagine her surprise when it turns out he 1. was using the whole time 2. was lying about it 3. was guilty of the crime and 4. ended up in jail and was STILL asking her for money.
This is bright flashing hazard light. Heed it or don't.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 82
LoveMeNOT, why is it you keep picking on me. Yes I said I tried the cocaine. It was over one night so I called it once, but I did sniff it three times in that length of time. Im not lying about that. His friend gave it to him and I witnessed that.
Im sorry if Im not apologetic enough for you. You have to understand that I didnt know this girl, this all happened a long time ago before we met, I thought it was sad, but no I never gave a lot of thought about her family up until I came here. I didnt know or I didnt think about her family and how much they suffered. It was wrong wrong wrong for me to call her a drug ho. It was wrong she was for whatever reason using drugs, and she was very sick. Its very sad.
I dont even know what she looked like but I can picture what she may have been like just from what ive seen in the movies and that intervention show.
I became obsessed with that show since all this happened, trying to look inside that world. Its all I have to go on ok.
Everyone else,
thank you, I know I have a lot to learn, I feel stupid. No I did not think I would be sitting here this long terrified he will be arrested for murder or something like that. My parents would die if they knew any of this about him. He is the sweetest guy, and I love him so much.
I think something bad happened because his mom got a call from his dad, and he said that they had to go to the police station for questioning there. They had agreed to do it in the attorneys office, but somethign must have gone wrong.
Now Im even more scared and I started crying and his mom took a stiff upper lip and said he will be fine. gave me some snacks and sent me back to the poolhouse. There is nothing i can do. Just wait here and feel like im stupid and being lied to, or that he is being hurt, and he cant even call me. He has to be scared.
why would anyone steal a shopping cart? people push those around all the time and I didnt know it was illegal. I guess if you take them out of the shopping lot. thats definetly not as bad as this ,
Im sorry if Im not apologetic enough for you. You have to understand that I didnt know this girl, this all happened a long time ago before we met, I thought it was sad, but no I never gave a lot of thought about her family up until I came here. I didnt know or I didnt think about her family and how much they suffered. It was wrong wrong wrong for me to call her a drug ho. It was wrong she was for whatever reason using drugs, and she was very sick. Its very sad.
I dont even know what she looked like but I can picture what she may have been like just from what ive seen in the movies and that intervention show.
I became obsessed with that show since all this happened, trying to look inside that world. Its all I have to go on ok.
Everyone else,
thank you, I know I have a lot to learn, I feel stupid. No I did not think I would be sitting here this long terrified he will be arrested for murder or something like that. My parents would die if they knew any of this about him. He is the sweetest guy, and I love him so much.
I think something bad happened because his mom got a call from his dad, and he said that they had to go to the police station for questioning there. They had agreed to do it in the attorneys office, but somethign must have gone wrong.
Now Im even more scared and I started crying and his mom took a stiff upper lip and said he will be fine. gave me some snacks and sent me back to the poolhouse. There is nothing i can do. Just wait here and feel like im stupid and being lied to, or that he is being hurt, and he cant even call me. He has to be scared.
why would anyone steal a shopping cart? people push those around all the time and I didnt know it was illegal. I guess if you take them out of the shopping lot. thats definetly not as bad as this ,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
He didnt. He assaulted someone with a buddy, then they stole a bunch of power tools from a construction site to sell for dope and put them in a shopping cart cause they had no license/car. the cops caught them with the shopping cart and the stolen stuff.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Hello Pinkchampagne. Welcome to SR.
I'm really sorry for the rough day you are having and I'm sorry if the posters here seem like they're being kind of tough on you. They are....it's not your imagination.
I think you sound like a very sweet young woman who is in love with a young man she doesn't know enough about -- although she thinks she does. Yes, you sound a little naive about the world of drugs and addiction, but that's not your fault. You're here to learn and that's a good thing.
Some of us here at SR have a very low tolerance for manipulation and dishonesty, especially if we see a young person with less life experience heading for some serious heartache because she was blinded by "love" so much that she couldn't see what was headed straight her way. We scream and rant and wave our arms...we lecture, plead, and cajole....all in hopes that you will open your eyes and really SEE who this young man really IS before you make plans to "get married and start a family". We get REAL touchy when we see that about to happen...because many of us have been exactly where you are. These types of threads are ALWAYS the most active....because we care.
It's true that you really are not seeing the whole picture even though you think you have all the information you need. And maybe you do. But I think most of us here see big honkin' waving red flags around this guy and his story and his family.
Please...just be careful and don't ignore any gut feelings when something isn't adding up. I pray its true that he is no longer using drugs, for your sake. But see...the thing is...just because somebody SAYS he's no longer using, doesn't make it true. Just move forward very, very carefully. Please.
I'm really sorry for the rough day you are having and I'm sorry if the posters here seem like they're being kind of tough on you. They are....it's not your imagination.
I think you sound like a very sweet young woman who is in love with a young man she doesn't know enough about -- although she thinks she does. Yes, you sound a little naive about the world of drugs and addiction, but that's not your fault. You're here to learn and that's a good thing.
Some of us here at SR have a very low tolerance for manipulation and dishonesty, especially if we see a young person with less life experience heading for some serious heartache because she was blinded by "love" so much that she couldn't see what was headed straight her way. We scream and rant and wave our arms...we lecture, plead, and cajole....all in hopes that you will open your eyes and really SEE who this young man really IS before you make plans to "get married and start a family". We get REAL touchy when we see that about to happen...because many of us have been exactly where you are. These types of threads are ALWAYS the most active....because we care.
It's true that you really are not seeing the whole picture even though you think you have all the information you need. And maybe you do. But I think most of us here see big honkin' waving red flags around this guy and his story and his family.
Please...just be careful and don't ignore any gut feelings when something isn't adding up. I pray its true that he is no longer using drugs, for your sake. But see...the thing is...just because somebody SAYS he's no longer using, doesn't make it true. Just move forward very, very carefully. Please.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((pinkchampagne)) - I understand you're scared. It seems like the "cut and dry" scenario your bf told you isn't quite so "cut and dry". What people here are trying to help you see, is there is often more to the story. As an A, I often tried to downplay a lot of things, but the truth always came out.
We want you to see how his addiction has influenced you. You will see it in your own time, and I can't beat it into your head (trust me, I had several people who tried that with me, but I wasn't quite ready to hear it). I pray that you see how his past is affecting your future, but I've said what I will say, and I know the futility of repeating it, so I will back off for now.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
We want you to see how his addiction has influenced you. You will see it in your own time, and I can't beat it into your head (trust me, I had several people who tried that with me, but I wasn't quite ready to hear it). I pray that you see how his past is affecting your future, but I've said what I will say, and I know the futility of repeating it, so I will back off for now.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Thread Starter
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Posts: 82
oh so he got caught pushing the cart full of things to stole. That would be sort of obvious to the police I guess. I dont see how you could deny that one.
Thank you for explaining.
I can tell you are worried about me, most of you at least. I wasnt expecting that when I came here. I thought it would be more informative not really people caring. I know I sound dumb and it does sound like he was a really bad person to be involved in any way with all this.
why do you say that do you think I will have to make my way home without him? we flew here and his parents picked us up at the airport because he said the yhad an extra car we could use to go places once we got here. I dont have that much cash on me, but if I had to I could use my credit card for plane fare.
Oh no, I cant tell my paretns they would flip out and tell me to break it off with him. If they think he has any problems with drugs then they will not give him a second chance. If this all passes, then they wont ever have to know. If not then I dont know what I will do. I mean if he has to go through a trial or something or stay in jail, I cant even imagine it right now.
Amy, Im glad you got better from using drugs. I know that must have been really hard to do. But you did it. thank you for telling me about it all. Do you think my boyfriend would have been one of the guys that gave you drugs for a favor? it sounds like it to me and I apologize to you if Ive been insensative in things Ive said, I wasnt thinking when I came here. Im trying to learn. I dont want drugs in my life. I know I tried them that weekend, but its not something that i want to have back in my life. SOmeone the other day said now I was a drug user. that stung real bad.
Thank you for explaining.
I can tell you are worried about me, most of you at least. I wasnt expecting that when I came here. I thought it would be more informative not really people caring. I know I sound dumb and it does sound like he was a really bad person to be involved in any way with all this.
why do you say that do you think I will have to make my way home without him? we flew here and his parents picked us up at the airport because he said the yhad an extra car we could use to go places once we got here. I dont have that much cash on me, but if I had to I could use my credit card for plane fare.
Oh no, I cant tell my paretns they would flip out and tell me to break it off with him. If they think he has any problems with drugs then they will not give him a second chance. If this all passes, then they wont ever have to know. If not then I dont know what I will do. I mean if he has to go through a trial or something or stay in jail, I cant even imagine it right now.
Amy, Im glad you got better from using drugs. I know that must have been really hard to do. But you did it. thank you for telling me about it all. Do you think my boyfriend would have been one of the guys that gave you drugs for a favor? it sounds like it to me and I apologize to you if Ive been insensative in things Ive said, I wasnt thinking when I came here. Im trying to learn. I dont want drugs in my life. I know I tried them that weekend, but its not something that i want to have back in my life. SOmeone the other day said now I was a drug user. that stung real bad.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
yea u dont see how anyone can deny that cause ur not in the situation. none of u can see how you're in such denial abouy your situation. making things add up when they really dont. you and her are alike because youre both very blindly trusting of a very untrustworthy source especially when things are fishy. thats the point.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((pinkchampagne)) - yes, I do think your bf did similar to what "my boys" did when I was using. I am still in contact with one of "my boys". He is tickled pink at my recovery, as are his brothers (they all looked after me when I was using...got me a place to sleep, made sure I was eating, but also sold me crack). He offered me a "job" where I could make lots of money. I'm broke, struggling to make ends meet in a legit way, but I turned him down. He is currently on house arrest, I'm living a life with consequences, but got my legal issues taken care of.
I admit it...when I hear people here (not just you) talk about the "crack ho's" it strikes a nerve in me. I often wonder if that very female someone is talking about is a daughter of someone here.
The best I can say is keep reading and learn about addiction. I thought I knew addiction inside and out, and still feel that way to some point. However, I've seen the "other side" of addiction...that of someone who loves an A, and I'm so very grateful.
The thing is, you have to decide what you want for your life. Is it okay to worry about his past? Is his past going to come back and bite you in the a$$? These, I think, are the questions you need to ask yourself.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I admit it...when I hear people here (not just you) talk about the "crack ho's" it strikes a nerve in me. I often wonder if that very female someone is talking about is a daughter of someone here.
The best I can say is keep reading and learn about addiction. I thought I knew addiction inside and out, and still feel that way to some point. However, I've seen the "other side" of addiction...that of someone who loves an A, and I'm so very grateful.
The thing is, you have to decide what you want for your life. Is it okay to worry about his past? Is his past going to come back and bite you in the a$$? These, I think, are the questions you need to ask yourself.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
How long have you known him? I can't remember, I want to say its 4 months or so?
One thing I wish is that I'd been honest about my ex with my family. My mum found out he was an addict by reading it online in a news report. Nothing big, it was just a daily report from court on the website of the local paper but his name caught her eye. Try explaining your way out of that.. I couldn't.
One thing I wish is that I'd been honest about my ex with my family. My mum found out he was an addict by reading it online in a news report. Nothing big, it was just a daily report from court on the website of the local paper but his name caught her eye. Try explaining your way out of that.. I couldn't.
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