Spent time with my AS in rehab yesterday...
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Spent time with my AS in rehab yesterday...
My 21 yr old heroin-addicted son is in rehab for the 3rd time in 4 years. He's in a town about 4 hours from my home and I made the day trip to see him yesterday. (long day!!) I struggled mightily with the decision to make that effort but in the end I realized it has been years since I have been able to have a few hours of one-on-one time with him while is NOT under the influence of some drug or another so I decided that FOR ME, I would make that trip.
It was such a nice visit and I'm glad I went. He is a sweet, sensitive, beautiful soul. Really, he is TOO sensitive for this world of ours, and has suffered emotional damage living with an alcoholic, abusive dad. He now, of course, carries the additional load of tremendous shame for all he has done while using. He's suffered with depression for years but never properly treated because he was always on street drugs.
What I see before me is a young man who has an emotional mountain to climb the size of Mt. Everest. He wants to be clean so badly -- to be done with this sh*t. He has been grasping at recovery regularly for the last 8 months or so, just can't get a firm grip. He asked if we would please send him to rehab one more time (he is covered by insurance but it's still $3K out of pocket)...he really wants this. But here's the problem: I just don't feel like he has the strength of character to beat this. Not now, not ever. There are sooooo many stumbling blocks in his way any one of which could send him down that slippery slope in a heartbeat.
The hopelessness I feel is hard to bear today. I guess I should just make plans to spend as much time as possible with him while he's sober -- make some sweet memories -- until the other shoe drops again.
I just miss him. I love him so much.
It was such a nice visit and I'm glad I went. He is a sweet, sensitive, beautiful soul. Really, he is TOO sensitive for this world of ours, and has suffered emotional damage living with an alcoholic, abusive dad. He now, of course, carries the additional load of tremendous shame for all he has done while using. He's suffered with depression for years but never properly treated because he was always on street drugs.
What I see before me is a young man who has an emotional mountain to climb the size of Mt. Everest. He wants to be clean so badly -- to be done with this sh*t. He has been grasping at recovery regularly for the last 8 months or so, just can't get a firm grip. He asked if we would please send him to rehab one more time (he is covered by insurance but it's still $3K out of pocket)...he really wants this. But here's the problem: I just don't feel like he has the strength of character to beat this. Not now, not ever. There are sooooo many stumbling blocks in his way any one of which could send him down that slippery slope in a heartbeat.
The hopelessness I feel is hard to bear today. I guess I should just make plans to spend as much time as possible with him while he's sober -- make some sweet memories -- until the other shoe drops again.
I just miss him. I love him so much.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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I can relate to everything you said.......
Yes. Enjoy any time you can have with him while he is sober and hold on to those moments. One day at a time......
You and your dear son will be in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
Yes. Enjoy any time you can have with him while he is sober and hold on to those moments. One day at a time......
You and your dear son will be in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
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Originally Posted by tjp613 
But here's the problem: I just don't feel like he has the strength of character to beat this. Not now, not ever. There are sooooo many stumbling blocks in his way any one of which could send him down that slippery slope in a heartbeat.
tjp, I'm glad you enjoyed your visit with your son, and I'm really glad he's back in rehab! I know for sure that character is developed constantly, if that's what a person wants. Your son is there, searching for that strength of character. Just for today, he wants it
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hi tjp,
my AS is also in rehab hes one week in, hes 21 as well, i totally understand your feelings i have the same thoughts as well this is his second try at rehab honestly i dont think he would have even gone had it not been for court problems so hes pretty much stuck there for a while and when he gets back he has a load of problems that I think he will find very hard to deal with but hey what me and you think is irrellavent , god gives strenght to people in the wierdest ways
, I havent been to visit hes far away from me but we talk daily and im glad to spend this sober time with him, i missed him im leaving the future where it belongs....
my AS is also in rehab hes one week in, hes 21 as well, i totally understand your feelings i have the same thoughts as well this is his second try at rehab honestly i dont think he would have even gone had it not been for court problems so hes pretty much stuck there for a while and when he gets back he has a load of problems that I think he will find very hard to deal with but hey what me and you think is irrellavent , god gives strenght to people in the wierdest ways
, I havent been to visit hes far away from me but we talk daily and im glad to spend this sober time with him, i missed him im leaving the future where it belongs....
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Just wanted to wish blessings on all of you who have children who are (for now) sober, and who have spent time with them. It is so heartbreakingly bittersweet to read and ponder. I look forward to that experience, too, with my AS.
Peace.
Peace.
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Join Date: May 2012
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TJP. I read your post and it had me in tears. I cant imagine how hard it is what you are going through. My husband is in rehab, and he was home this weekend on a pass' . He went back today and well it was so hard to see him leave again.
I was going to post about it tonight, but then I think here you have been through
this 3 times in 4 years, and what if I post about how good the weekend was, and how much hope I have, and then I get disappointed next week, or next month.
Would it be better to serve as a reminder of how open I was to this, and journal my hope and share my fears, or just ignore it all, and press on.
I dont know. I think you are very brave. And I pray your son is able to find the strength he needs to get to lasting recovery. He is so young and has such a chance for a good life ahead of him. I pray he finds what needs this time.
I was going to post about it tonight, but then I think here you have been through
this 3 times in 4 years, and what if I post about how good the weekend was, and how much hope I have, and then I get disappointed next week, or next month.
Would it be better to serve as a reminder of how open I was to this, and journal my hope and share my fears, or just ignore it all, and press on.
I dont know. I think you are very brave. And I pray your son is able to find the strength he needs to get to lasting recovery. He is so young and has such a chance for a good life ahead of him. I pray he finds what needs this time.
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((hug)) Praying that your son will find complete success in his efforts to remain clean after he is out of rehab. Seeing them clean and sober certainly can trigger memories of the good times with them. I understand and care.
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Originally Posted by tjp613
He relapsed........while IN rehab....and was kicked out. Will this HELL never end???
lots and lots of gentle hugs for you today
ke
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Thank you, everyone. i talked to him again and he says he's going to the Salvation Army for the next few days. He's already checked out the bed availability (one week wait) in a rehab he stayed in last year and checked the insurance benefits... zero copay for us. We'll see....
I'll let you know when you can stop praying...but not yet, ok?
I hate drugs.
I'll let you know when you can stop praying...but not yet, ok?
I hate drugs.
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