Books on grief
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Join Date: May 2012
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Books on grief
Someone posted about a useful book on grief to read if you've finished a relationship with an active A. I can't find the post (I don't think it was in response to my thread) so would appreciate any suggestions.
I have read a bit online and appear to have jumped from denial/shock through to depression and skipped the anger. Any chance that comes back further down the line?!
Thank you.
I have read a bit online and appear to have jumped from denial/shock through to depression and skipped the anger. Any chance that comes back further down the line?!
Thank you.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Don't know the book. But anger did me a lot of good... you might want to go back and do that step! Just kidding.
Sounds like you are doing great in your recovery!
PS. There is a sticky on books and others will be along with book suggestions on grief.
Sounds like you are doing great in your recovery!
PS. There is a sticky on books and others will be along with book suggestions on grief.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Posts: 3,424
I don't know if this is exactly what you are looking for, but these were really helpful for me.
Anger took me awhile to get there (a little over eight months). It was really helpful for me too.
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson???? (unsure of last name)
How Can I Forgive You and the Freedom Not To by Janis Abrahm Spring (whose focus is on affairs, but this helped with a lot).
Actually i am working a program called The Grief Recovery Program (again I can't remember the authors) that I am finding very helpful.
Anger took me awhile to get there (a little over eight months). It was really helpful for me too.
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson???? (unsure of last name)
How Can I Forgive You and the Freedom Not To by Janis Abrahm Spring (whose focus is on affairs, but this helped with a lot).
Actually i am working a program called The Grief Recovery Program (again I can't remember the authors) that I am finding very helpful.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 237
Thank you for those suggestions.
This sounds stupid but I don't know who I'm meant to be angry with and at what. Obviously I have been angry at my X for drinking on holiday which led us here - I was really angry about that as I paid for it and spent ages organising it and I was exhausted from work before we went away and he knew how much I needed the break. But that got overwhelmed with sadness when I made my decision.
I was angry when he got defensive about our finances when we discussed who kept the deposit for our flat as I have given so much and it seemed to be expected suddenly instead of the gratitude he'd previously expressed. But it was more shock at his response so think there is some denial in there.
The weird thing is the thing I am still angry at and I find easiest to be angry at was the fact he took several things I paid for when he moved out without asking like the Mad Men DVD boxset and any present his family gave us that in his mind became 'his' post-split I guess. He also 'accidentally' packed a really expensive pan my mum gave me which I made him return. It's so trivial but it just symbolised his selfishness. I have given him hundreds of pounds worth of stuff as I felt bad for him to have to replace it, even though I paid for most of it and will be out of pocket replacing it myself, but still he had to take more.
This sounds stupid but I don't know who I'm meant to be angry with and at what. Obviously I have been angry at my X for drinking on holiday which led us here - I was really angry about that as I paid for it and spent ages organising it and I was exhausted from work before we went away and he knew how much I needed the break. But that got overwhelmed with sadness when I made my decision.
I was angry when he got defensive about our finances when we discussed who kept the deposit for our flat as I have given so much and it seemed to be expected suddenly instead of the gratitude he'd previously expressed. But it was more shock at his response so think there is some denial in there.
The weird thing is the thing I am still angry at and I find easiest to be angry at was the fact he took several things I paid for when he moved out without asking like the Mad Men DVD boxset and any present his family gave us that in his mind became 'his' post-split I guess. He also 'accidentally' packed a really expensive pan my mum gave me which I made him return. It's so trivial but it just symbolised his selfishness. I have given him hundreds of pounds worth of stuff as I felt bad for him to have to replace it, even though I paid for most of it and will be out of pocket replacing it myself, but still he had to take more.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Honestly at first it was things I was mad about (like you listed).
About 8months into it I just got mad, really, really mad. I rarely get mad and this was mad at the whole world kind of mad.
It got me moving though and got a lot of things cleared out. I am just shy of two years and have hit another anger spot, but this seems older and a great part of my recovery.
Just my opinion but I KNEW when anger hit. I was kind of waiting for it and then it was just there. My guess is you will know and won't skip over it.
About 8months into it I just got mad, really, really mad. I rarely get mad and this was mad at the whole world kind of mad.
It got me moving though and got a lot of things cleared out. I am just shy of two years and have hit another anger spot, but this seems older and a great part of my recovery.
Just my opinion but I KNEW when anger hit. I was kind of waiting for it and then it was just there. My guess is you will know and won't skip over it.
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