Please Help
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Please Help
My husband and I have been married for 18 years. He has been sober for 5. There were many turbulent years leading up to his going to treatment. However, his recovery seemed to be working wonderfully, he has embraced AA, attends regular meetings and seemed truly at peace. I found a new hope for the future. I have never felt so calm about the present and excited for the future in my entire life.
A little more than one month ago, he called me at work and asked me to meet him on my way home. I met him in a parking lot of a coffee shop. He told me that he was unhappy and was leaving me. He had a bag packed and hasn't stayed at home since. He would give me no answers as to why he was unhappy, just that we want different things.
I can't describe the devastation that I felt.
He told me that he was staying with AA friends and that he is moving into his new apartment on July 1.
Last weekend he took our son to church and then came by the house for a while. I asked him what furniture he wanted for his new apartment. He said that he doesn't need any, that Laura is moving into a much smaller home and will be giving him some furniture. I asked who Laura is, and he said his roommate.
I suggested that we go have a coffee because I really didn't want to get into a discussion like that in front of my son. We went out and I asked again who Laura is, he said his roommate and that her and her husband split up a few months ago. It felt like a thunderbolt. I asked him if he was dating her and he said they are just friends and it wouldn't be right because they're both newly out of marriages. I asked him if I should be prepared for them to be dating in the future and he said "who knows what the future might bring, but we're very fond of each other."
He met her in AA.
Wednesday evening he admitted that they are dating but they don't want to tell people until he moves into his apartment and isn't sleeping on her couch. She's closer in age to our daughter than to me and he claims he is in love with her. Actually, he didn't say he was in love with her, but when I asked if he was, he refused to answer.
I am overcome with grief. He has admitted that he made a mistake in not discussing his unhappiness with me prior to leaving, he also said that he should have found somewhere else to go rather than sleeping on her couch.
I'm having such a hard time dealing with this. I'm so angry and hurt. I can't imagine how either of them are going to be able to live with this.
I love my husband very much and was just feeling safe and secure in our relationship and in my life. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid he'll never change his mind and in some ways I'm afraid that he might.
I feel so sad and alone, hurt and betrayed, I don't know what to do.
A little more than one month ago, he called me at work and asked me to meet him on my way home. I met him in a parking lot of a coffee shop. He told me that he was unhappy and was leaving me. He had a bag packed and hasn't stayed at home since. He would give me no answers as to why he was unhappy, just that we want different things.
I can't describe the devastation that I felt.
He told me that he was staying with AA friends and that he is moving into his new apartment on July 1.
Last weekend he took our son to church and then came by the house for a while. I asked him what furniture he wanted for his new apartment. He said that he doesn't need any, that Laura is moving into a much smaller home and will be giving him some furniture. I asked who Laura is, and he said his roommate.
I suggested that we go have a coffee because I really didn't want to get into a discussion like that in front of my son. We went out and I asked again who Laura is, he said his roommate and that her and her husband split up a few months ago. It felt like a thunderbolt. I asked him if he was dating her and he said they are just friends and it wouldn't be right because they're both newly out of marriages. I asked him if I should be prepared for them to be dating in the future and he said "who knows what the future might bring, but we're very fond of each other."
He met her in AA.
Wednesday evening he admitted that they are dating but they don't want to tell people until he moves into his apartment and isn't sleeping on her couch. She's closer in age to our daughter than to me and he claims he is in love with her. Actually, he didn't say he was in love with her, but when I asked if he was, he refused to answer.
I am overcome with grief. He has admitted that he made a mistake in not discussing his unhappiness with me prior to leaving, he also said that he should have found somewhere else to go rather than sleeping on her couch.
I'm having such a hard time dealing with this. I'm so angry and hurt. I can't imagine how either of them are going to be able to live with this.
I love my husband very much and was just feeling safe and secure in our relationship and in my life. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid he'll never change his mind and in some ways I'm afraid that he might.
I feel so sad and alone, hurt and betrayed, I don't know what to do.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 317
Take care of yourself and your children. What has happened to you is awful. Reach out to people around you and go to Alanon. You have been betrayed and all you can do now is start the recovery process. Please, take care and keep posting here. You will find a great support here.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
It was a really awful thing that he did. He will have to live with himself for the rest of his life, knowing what he did to you and his family. That's "punishment" enough.
Apart from being strong for your children, reach out and garner all the support you can. You WILL get through this!
Apart from being strong for your children, reach out and garner all the support you can. You WILL get through this!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 88
Thank you both so much.
I have been told "you are so strong, you'll get through this". You know, when you're just sick and tired of being strong, of needing to be strong?
I have only gone to a few alanon meetings, only once alone. It's so hard to find people who truly understand what I'm going through. I feel like this betrayal is almost like a relapse, except that it's another woman that he's medicating with rather than drugs and alcohol.
He told me that he can't discuss this with me anymore until he talks to his sponsor and does some step work. I feel like it's making me crazy. I know I need to rein the crazy in and try to act with dignity and grace but it's just so hard. I just want to call him and rant and rave and whine and cry.
I just got back from dropping my daughter off somewhere and drove past this woman's house. His car wasn't there but it still didn't make me feel better. I just keep hoping that he's going to call and tell me what a big mistake he made.
Reading the posts here have made me feel a lot better in knowing that other people have gone through and are going through what I have.
I have been told "you are so strong, you'll get through this". You know, when you're just sick and tired of being strong, of needing to be strong?
I have only gone to a few alanon meetings, only once alone. It's so hard to find people who truly understand what I'm going through. I feel like this betrayal is almost like a relapse, except that it's another woman that he's medicating with rather than drugs and alcohol.
He told me that he can't discuss this with me anymore until he talks to his sponsor and does some step work. I feel like it's making me crazy. I know I need to rein the crazy in and try to act with dignity and grace but it's just so hard. I just want to call him and rant and rave and whine and cry.
I just got back from dropping my daughter off somewhere and drove past this woman's house. His car wasn't there but it still didn't make me feel better. I just keep hoping that he's going to call and tell me what a big mistake he made.
Reading the posts here have made me feel a lot better in knowing that other people have gone through and are going through what I have.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
That is a huge betrayal. And frankly, I don't think this is something he should be discussing with his AA sponsor. AA helps people stop drinking; sponsors are not licensed therapists, and they should not be advising people about issues like having affairs, abandoning spouses, midlife crises, etc. Step work is not designed to help people who cheat on their spouses and abandon their families.
You will get through this, but I'm so sorry that you stood by your husband for many years only to be abandoned. It would not surprise me if he and his "new love" are each other's new addiction, or if they relapse into alcoholism together. Healthy, sane, truly sober people do not sneak around behind their spouses' backs and betray them. Healthy people communicate with their spouses if they are unhappy in a marriage, and get counseling to either work things out or end the marriage in a careful way. They do not run off like teenagers.
As awful as things are right now, I hope that eventually you will see this as a possible blessing. No one deserves to be treated deceptively and callously.
You will get through this, but I'm so sorry that you stood by your husband for many years only to be abandoned. It would not surprise me if he and his "new love" are each other's new addiction, or if they relapse into alcoholism together. Healthy, sane, truly sober people do not sneak around behind their spouses' backs and betray them. Healthy people communicate with their spouses if they are unhappy in a marriage, and get counseling to either work things out or end the marriage in a careful way. They do not run off like teenagers.
As awful as things are right now, I hope that eventually you will see this as a possible blessing. No one deserves to be treated deceptively and callously.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Even if he called what would that change? He is moving on with another, it happens whether in AA or not...sometimes relationships run their course...it's all part of life.
I am sorry that you are in pain, however, it is what it is.
Grieve, get angry, pout and do whatever it takes for you to move forward and start planning for your new life one of peace and happiness.
keep posting, keep reading others posts it will help.
I am sorry that you are in pain, however, it is what it is.
Grieve, get angry, pout and do whatever it takes for you to move forward and start planning for your new life one of peace and happiness.
keep posting, keep reading others posts it will help.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 88
I keep promising myself that I won't call him and unleash the crazy train, but I did just that an hour or so ago. He keeps saying that he knows he shouldn't have left so suddenly and should have discussed it with me, however he won't say what the issue is. I begged, yes as awful as that is, I really did beg for him to give me some idea what went wrong. How could I be feeling so secure and happy in our marriage while he was plotting to leave. He says he doesn't know exactly what happened although says he will go to counselling with me. He also refuses to discuss his relationship with this person with me. He says that it is irrelevant.
I feel foolish. I don't regret that I stood by him through our marriage, I know it was the right thing for me to do, but I feel foolish that he has moved on without me.
I know I need to let him go and to try to rein in the crazy, but it's just so freaking hard. He cried when we were on the phone and said he misses me.
I feel foolish. I don't regret that I stood by him through our marriage, I know it was the right thing for me to do, but I feel foolish that he has moved on without me.
I know I need to let him go and to try to rein in the crazy, but it's just so freaking hard. He cried when we were on the phone and said he misses me.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 37
It's hard to accept the actions of those we love sometimes. I send you a big hug, and perhaps you have a friend you can call to come over to drink tea and cry with? Letting it out is therapeutic...
My ABF is up to some dodgy behaviour these days, but I am suspecting that he is preparing to leave me, or is expecting to be kicked out soon. What makes it even harder is that it won't be like having a normal conversation between 2 rational adults- I will be trying to get it out of not the man I love, but the alcohol monster, who has no problem lying to me. And he's getting so good at being secretive, that I've been totally blind to a lot of stuff. I know you are hurting, you've had a shock, and any explanation from him would help, but it won't. It's more quacking. I'm totally paranoid now in my relationship, and worry that him maybe leaving me is just more manipulation. At least you've made it through that crazy stage, right?
My ABF is up to some dodgy behaviour these days, but I am suspecting that he is preparing to leave me, or is expecting to be kicked out soon. What makes it even harder is that it won't be like having a normal conversation between 2 rational adults- I will be trying to get it out of not the man I love, but the alcohol monster, who has no problem lying to me. And he's getting so good at being secretive, that I've been totally blind to a lot of stuff. I know you are hurting, you've had a shock, and any explanation from him would help, but it won't. It's more quacking. I'm totally paranoid now in my relationship, and worry that him maybe leaving me is just more manipulation. At least you've made it through that crazy stage, right?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I am so very sorry that you're going through this. How unfortunate your husband didn't talk about his unhappiness before just walking out the door. But some people have a very tough time confronting problems and being real about feelings. Increasing your Al-anon meetings and therapy are one way of dealing with the pain, they helped me a lot. When my long term relationship ended I at least knew there were insurmountable problems. With five years of recovery it isn't about alcohol. My heart goes out to you.
There's a saying: women mourn, men replace. It is common for men to move on to someone else right away when a relationship ends. I think they have a much harder time being alone than women do. But it's no longer about him, it's about you and your children now. No one knows what will happen in the future. Better to put your energy into your own recovery.
There's a saying: women mourn, men replace. It is common for men to move on to someone else right away when a relationship ends. I think they have a much harder time being alone than women do. But it's no longer about him, it's about you and your children now. No one knows what will happen in the future. Better to put your energy into your own recovery.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by AlreadyAlone 
It's hard to accept the actions of those we love sometimes. I send you a big hug, and perhaps you have a friend you can call to come over to drink tea and cry with? Letting it out is therapeutic...
My ABF is up to some dodgy behaviour these days, but I am suspecting that he is preparing to leave me, or is expecting to be kicked out soon. What makes it even harder is that it won't be like having a normal conversation between 2 rational adults- I will be trying to get it out of not the man I love, but the alcohol monster, who has no problem lying to me. And he's getting so good at being secretive, that I've been totally blind to a lot of stuff. I know you are hurting, you've had a shock, and any explanation from him would help, but it won't. It's more quacking. I'm totally paranoid now in my relationship, and worry that him maybe leaving me is just more manipulation. At least you've made it through that crazy stage, right?
My ABF is up to some dodgy behaviour these days, but I am suspecting that he is preparing to leave me, or is expecting to be kicked out soon. What makes it even harder is that it won't be like having a normal conversation between 2 rational adults- I will be trying to get it out of not the man I love, but the alcohol monster, who has no problem lying to me. And he's getting so good at being secretive, that I've been totally blind to a lot of stuff. I know you are hurting, you've had a shock, and any explanation from him would help, but it won't. It's more quacking. I'm totally paranoid now in my relationship, and worry that him maybe leaving me is just more manipulation. At least you've made it through that crazy stage, right?
I'm sorry I have no fond memories of the alcoholic monster in my life. I do remember though that EVERYTHING seemed like manipulation and most often it was.
I really and truly thought I was through the crazy stage, I feel like the crazy is following me wherever I go.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
I am so very sorry that you're going through this. How unfortunate your husband didn't talk about his unhappiness before just walking out the door. But some people have a very tough time confronting problems and being real about feelings. Increasing your Al-anon meetings and therapy are one way of dealing with the pain, they helped me a lot. When my long term relationship ended I at least knew there were insurmountable problems. With five years of recovery it isn't about alcohol. My heart goes out to you.
Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. I haven't been to an Al-anon meeting in a very long time. I'm sure it is time to go again.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Hi Painfully, what a gut wrenching and horrendeous thing to be facing.
I know for me, so often I found myself trying to figure out the behavior of my xabf, in the end, it didn't matter what the reasons were, what I began to focus on , was how it was hurting me. In the end, the behavior is the behavior and my reaction to it , how it made me feel, and ultimately the decline in my personal happiness and peace is what I began to focus on. Not him, not the reasons, just the pain.
I had to give myself some time to settle with what was going on, grieve it, and eventually face the reality that what I was allowing in my life was making me feel crazy and destroying my self esteem.
Sometimes the why's don't matter, what matters is our own health and well being.
We are here, you will move through this, it will take time and self compassion, maybe some counseling and reaching out to friends and family for some emotional comfort.
love to you Katie
I know for me, so often I found myself trying to figure out the behavior of my xabf, in the end, it didn't matter what the reasons were, what I began to focus on , was how it was hurting me. In the end, the behavior is the behavior and my reaction to it , how it made me feel, and ultimately the decline in my personal happiness and peace is what I began to focus on. Not him, not the reasons, just the pain.
I had to give myself some time to settle with what was going on, grieve it, and eventually face the reality that what I was allowing in my life was making me feel crazy and destroying my self esteem.
Sometimes the why's don't matter, what matters is our own health and well being.
We are here, you will move through this, it will take time and self compassion, maybe some counseling and reaching out to friends and family for some emotional comfort.
love to you Katie
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by Katiekate
Hi Painfully, what a gut wrenching and horrendeous thing to be facing.
I know for me, so often I found myself trying to figure out the behavior of my xabf, in the end, it didn't matter what the reasons were, what I began to focus on , was how it was hurting me. In the end, the behavior is the behavior and my reaction to it , how it made me feel, and ultimately the decline in my personal happiness and peace is what I began to focus on. Not him, not the reasons, just the pain.
I had to give myself some time to settle with what was going on, grieve it, and eventually face the reality that what I was allowing in my life was making me feel crazy and destroying my self esteem.
Sometimes the why's don't matter, what matters is our own health and well being.
We are here, you will move through this, it will take time and self compassion, maybe some counseling and reaching out to friends and family for some emotional comfort.
love to you Katie
I know for me, so often I found myself trying to figure out the behavior of my xabf, in the end, it didn't matter what the reasons were, what I began to focus on , was how it was hurting me. In the end, the behavior is the behavior and my reaction to it , how it made me feel, and ultimately the decline in my personal happiness and peace is what I began to focus on. Not him, not the reasons, just the pain.
I had to give myself some time to settle with what was going on, grieve it, and eventually face the reality that what I was allowing in my life was making me feel crazy and destroying my self esteem.
Sometimes the why's don't matter, what matters is our own health and well being.
We are here, you will move through this, it will take time and self compassion, maybe some counseling and reaching out to friends and family for some emotional comfort.
love to you Katie
How odd that all of a sudden I have some clarity. He is just doing what he has spent years doing, killing me slowly and I'm right back to letting him.
p.s. I just asked my son to go to the office at school tomorrow to talk about summer school. he said "daddy said he talked to Laura about it, she's a guidance counsellor and she said as long as I pass it doesn't matter what my grade is."
a bit of a kick in the gut, I hate the idea of her having any influence on anything with my children.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Hi painfully,
Right now, and in the immediate future, you aren't really in any place to be making any decisions. This kind of stuff makes US crazy too.
In the end, it doesn't matter why or, if only, or what if, or how come. It just is.
Your focus right now needs to be on you and the kids. Taking one step at a time, one minute at a time.
Remember, this isn't permanent. The pain will fade, there is life on the other side, and yes you are worth it.
Right now it's probably hard just to breathe. Call your family and close friends, get some help. Do what you need to do to be as calm as possible. Having family and friends to talk to helps with that, and this should be your priority right now - not where he is or why he did what he did.
IMHO of course, and with love.
Right now, and in the immediate future, you aren't really in any place to be making any decisions. This kind of stuff makes US crazy too.
In the end, it doesn't matter why or, if only, or what if, or how come. It just is.
Your focus right now needs to be on you and the kids. Taking one step at a time, one minute at a time.
Remember, this isn't permanent. The pain will fade, there is life on the other side, and yes you are worth it.
Right now it's probably hard just to breathe. Call your family and close friends, get some help. Do what you need to do to be as calm as possible. Having family and friends to talk to helps with that, and this should be your priority right now - not where he is or why he did what he did.
IMHO of course, and with love.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
This is a selfish selfish man. After 18 years of marriage, you deserved better than to be told it's over in a parking lot by a liar with a suitcase in his back seat and a mistress in his back pocket.
He is gaslighting you, with his lies and his AA crap. He is pretending to be doing this in a noble way (didn't want to start dating her until he could get his own place so he left his wife and family and he slept on his mistress's couch for awhile and then he start dating her OFFICIALLY--since he had his own place finally-- and all because he is such a moral guy).
He is going to use his program to cover his tracks, justify his actions, and make you look like you are the one who is crazy when you scream at him for his brutal treatment of you. This is GASLIGHTING.
It makes me shudder when I see program people do this. And they do.
You'll need a very good counselor, because this guy--5 years sober and still insane--is going to try every mind**** in the world on you to re-frame what is really a selfish act by a selfish man who has no character and the maturity of an 8 year old.
You do not have to be understanding. Ever. Just find your outrage and get a good lawyer.
He is gaslighting you, with his lies and his AA crap. He is pretending to be doing this in a noble way (didn't want to start dating her until he could get his own place so he left his wife and family and he slept on his mistress's couch for awhile and then he start dating her OFFICIALLY--since he had his own place finally-- and all because he is such a moral guy).
He is going to use his program to cover his tracks, justify his actions, and make you look like you are the one who is crazy when you scream at him for his brutal treatment of you. This is GASLIGHTING.
It makes me shudder when I see program people do this. And they do.
You'll need a very good counselor, because this guy--5 years sober and still insane--is going to try every mind**** in the world on you to re-frame what is really a selfish act by a selfish man who has no character and the maturity of an 8 year old.
You do not have to be understanding. Ever. Just find your outrage and get a good lawyer.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 82
I am so sorry you are going through this. The situation sucks. Give yourself permission to cry (yell, scream or all of the above if it helps) and know the only person you have to be strong for is yourself. If I had a crystal ball, I would hope by the time your AH figures it out
, you will be happy both inside and out.
, you will be happy both inside and out.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by painfully
I begged, yes as awful as that is, I really did beg for him to give me some idea what went wrong. How could I be feeling so secure and happy in our marriage while he was plotting to leave. He says he doesn't know exactly what happened although says he will go to counselling with me.
No answer is ever going to be good enough for you if he provides it, his answers will always leaves you feelings: But I don't understand how could you fall out of love with me? I don't understand, how could you turn to her? I don't understand, what does she have I lack? I don't understand how could you do it this way? I don't understand, would this have happened if it wasn't for her?
And most likely he doesn't know the answers himself.
Get therapy to find the answers in you. Trying to wring the 'right' answers out of him will do nothing but fuel the crazy train. There are no right answers he can provide that will heal you. Only you can heal you.
Originally Posted by painfully
He also refuses to discuss his relationship with this person with me. He says that it is irrelevant.
Originally Posted by painfully
I feel foolish. I don't regret that I stood by him through our marriage, I know it was the right thing for me to do, but I feel foolish that he has moved on without me.
I wonder if joint counseling is the best action for you right now. It's seductive because you believe perhaps it will give you answers from him, or maybe even convince him to change his mind.
He likely is agreeing to it out of guilt. Maybe it would be better to delay joint counseling until you have had a period of personal counseling that focuses ONLY ON YOU.
I'm very sorry you are in such pain and shock. I hope you will find some relief and some answers soon.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Painfully, I am so sorry that you are going thru so much pain . Sending you a big hug.
Hang in there, more will be revealed in the near future.
As far as I can see, his actions have told you everything you need to know about his "new life". He's moving in with her, and shame on him for not coming clean with you.
I hope when this all blows up in his face, and it WILL, you are living happily ever after with zero regret, and refuse to give him the time of day.
His actions are not that of a man, he is pathetic jerk!!!
You Matter, and are worth so much more than he can give.
Keep posting, we are here for you!!!!
Hang in there, more will be revealed in the near future.
As far as I can see, his actions have told you everything you need to know about his "new life". He's moving in with her, and shame on him for not coming clean with you.
I hope when this all blows up in his face, and it WILL, you are living happily ever after with zero regret, and refuse to give him the time of day.
His actions are not that of a man, he is pathetic jerk!!!
You Matter, and are worth so much more than he can give.
Keep posting, we are here for you!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 88
Thanks so much to all of you for the encouragement and for the gentle reminders.
I am completely exhausted by all of this.
I know that "she" isn't the issue, she is such a symptom of the issue. But if I hear my kids speak of her again, he is getting a punch. (I wouldn't really punch him, but I will freak out).
I know that he is sick, I know that if he was truly healthy he wouldn't be acting this way. Not that he wouldn't still want to end the marriage, that's impossible to know, but maybe he would have done it in a more respectful way.
I know my ego is bruised.
When I called him and told him that Laura's opinion is not welcome on matters regarding our children, that we had an agreement with our son and that it hurt more than he can imagine to hear my son tell me that he can break our agreement because Laura said it's okay. He said "I'm sorry, I'll talk to him." When I tried to get him to hear how it was hurting me, he called me manipulative and said he would talk to me tomorrow.
Maybe I was trying to be manipulative, by trying to make him listen to my pain. I've had a whole lifetime of being manipulated I think I would recognize it in myself, maybe I just learned how to do it though.
I am completely exhausted by all of this.
I know that "she" isn't the issue, she is such a symptom of the issue. But if I hear my kids speak of her again, he is getting a punch. (I wouldn't really punch him, but I will freak out).
I know that he is sick, I know that if he was truly healthy he wouldn't be acting this way. Not that he wouldn't still want to end the marriage, that's impossible to know, but maybe he would have done it in a more respectful way.
I know my ego is bruised.
When I called him and told him that Laura's opinion is not welcome on matters regarding our children, that we had an agreement with our son and that it hurt more than he can imagine to hear my son tell me that he can break our agreement because Laura said it's okay. He said "I'm sorry, I'll talk to him." When I tried to get him to hear how it was hurting me, he called me manipulative and said he would talk to me tomorrow.
Maybe I was trying to be manipulative, by trying to make him listen to my pain. I've had a whole lifetime of being manipulated I think I would recognize it in myself, maybe I just learned how to do it though.
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