Mitten2012

Hi, my husband is 3weeks out of detox, he's been staying at him moms while he works thru this since we have 2 young children, not sure if that was the best choice buts it's what we did. His addiction is with pain pills that he was given for chronic back pain, he is currently on suboxone.

My question...I told him b4 he comes back home I'd like to see him in an exercise program for his back pain, the past 4 years he's pretty much withered away, he has no muscle and has completely deconditioned, he has had no job due to pain or addiction not really sure which at this point. But he tells me I'm asking for to much, that he is not able to exercise and my expectations are to high?? I don't Really see him ever healing physically if doesn't rebuild some muscle and core strength, I offered to pay for some visits with a personal trainer to make sure it's a safe exercise program...is this really asking too much? I want him to heal mentally and physically can this not be done at the same time? It would be one thing if he worked but he doesn't other then is out patient group classes he does nothing.

Mitten2012

He has had numerous mri's, ct scans, X-rays, years of PT, had a neuro stimulator implant for a year but had it removed cuz it wasn't working, he's been thru all the meds via the pain clinic which is what lead to his addiction, they pretty much said nothing can be done so take these oxy's. His last MRI was 2 months ago and still no surgical options. He applied For disability but was denied, we currently have an attorney working on it but he's only 31 so he said it will be difficult for someone that young to get approved for "back pain".

Over the past 4 years I have become a bit of an expert on back pain, I handled ALL his care, scheduled his appointments spoke to his docs, everything, now I see how codependent I was and have stopped all that, but I do believe for him it just comes down to physical conditioning, if u sit around all day of course ur going to hurt more, I'm worried that if he comes back with no plan for the actual pain (addiction aside) he'll end up in the same place.

I have not attended any meetings myself, I have some close friends that are there for me we do have a marriage counselor also and well now this board

LoveMeNow

Does your husband's pain limit him to all acitivities....sex, hobbies, hanging with the guys?

My husband used to have such back pain and need a couple of pills..........after GOLF. And what's even dumber?? I used to get him a couple! Uhmmm, most people take Advil, Tylenol or Aleve.

I really don't know who was dumber? Me or Him!!

Mitten2012

IMO no, he can get by without them, it's hard to say now cuz he's only a few weeks clean, but he would do the same, go out do a bunch of yard work then be on the couch for 3 days in a daze barely able to hold a conversation, and for sooo long I would baby him thinking he's hurting so bad. For a while I held on to all his pills and would give them to him when he asked thinking well he did do all that yard work...so naive.

LoveMeNow

I never knew when my husband was taking them by his day to day behavior for a long time but over the long run.......it became obvious. He has was an addict, doing what addicts do best. Lie, cheat, steal. He was robbing Paul to Peter to support his addiction and I had no idea. I trusted him. I was very naive to the man he had become.

Hahaha, I held on to his pills too-----never even occurred to me that he had a hidden stash. I asked him recently if he had a hidden stash back then and said YES, I am sure I had several. To him they meant everything and it was also a matter of being sick or "maintaining."

EnglishGarden

The book "When Painkillers Become Dangerous," by Dr. Drew Pinksy and others, may be useful to you. It covers some of these issues.

supportforme

Mitten - Please read my recent posts on the board "Addicted spouse and children". You said that you have young children. When my AH would have sugeries over the years or back, shoulder. whatever pain, he would take what I used to refer to as "superman pills" b/c he would just be miraculously cured for about 3 days and then of course, sleep for days on the couch...This is a progressive disease. Leave his recovery and method of recovery to him. Get yourself any form of therapy that works for you. The only thing that saved me from the devastation this disease causes is that I was mentally stable b/c I"ve been in therapy for over 3 years. I feel your pain. I've been there. However, the pain of seeing my boys lives shattered and the reality of realizing that I actually endangered the welfare of my children by staying is even more painful for me.