fairenough

Last time I was here was day 4. Bad past couple days and I'm glad I didn't give in/relapse when offered last thurs night. This is the first time I've been able to sit up and probably form a sentence. Day 5 was the worst, such horrible pain.Deep, awful.Still have it but not as bad. The stomach cramps were awful. I tried writing down all I went through so if I want to drink again, I will change my mind. I couldnt even talk, lots of muttering, repeating. I had some hallucinations,mainly bugs on the wall. Had to keep telling myself it'll pass. Have barely slept.haven't eaten since thurs, dry heaves 2 days.I'm going to try to eat a little tpday. Day 5 even small sips of water made me ill.Wanted to go to er but no insurance and last time I did that was there waiting 12 hrs. My work isnt steady enough for regular income and being able to pay huge bills. I really advise against doing this alone. My roommate's been gone most the time and when around says I should just cut down next time. Cut down? How about NEVER AGAIN?! I can't wait to get well, move forward, and move away from my alcoholic roommate. So much went on but I feel like crap and can't go on right now. Really sick of these these drenching sweats followed by freezing. Thanks for the support. Will get back here when I can, and planning on AA mtgs this next week. I pray I'm doing better and can go. How did I ever convince myself I'm not an alcoholic?

MycoolFitz

I know the feeling. I had to go to ER and set up a payment plan. The hullinations are bad, I saw bugs, cats, people had uditory hullinations too. Dehydration made it worse. Do what you can to get better but detox can be dangerous alone. You take care and keep in touch.

oinobares

I just went through the hallucinations--auditory and visual--in a detox at hospital a mere 4 days ago, and though I managed to mow the lawn today, and feel pretty good, my sleep is ripped by nightmares and my thumbs still twitch a bit. There was still some background music playing in my head yesterday.

It will pass. My experience was a turning point for me in that I sensed a deep inner conviction that I was an alcoholic, and always will be. This scares the pants off of me, but I have chosen AA as the path and going to meetings every day, and reading here, I feel great hope and comfort. Maybe you have reached a similar point of self-discovery. All the best.

Sapling

If I could answer that...I would have quit when I was 15. Keep praying for strength and courage to not drink today and to get you to a meeting. I detoxed for 5 days and I don't even remember it. It will get better....One day at a time.

Sapling

I'm glad to hear that. It scared the pants off me too...But not as much as dying did. I think that's great oinobares.

fairenough

As the day goes on, doing better. Thank you. It's good to know I'm not the only one, so thanks for sharing. This site has helped so much. Cats, yes, the cat I saw was white and fluffy. Had those auditory ones, too. I've been keeping the radio or tv on so if it continues I won't notice it so much. I was able to eat and now drinking lots of water.

fairenough

It encourages me you were in a hospital just 4 days ago. Thanks for sharing all of that. I, too, am now convicted of the fact I'm an alcoholic - scares me, too.
I've been too ill to go to another mtg but will make it a new part of my life this week. I understand the nightmares, too. I'll be happy when everything settles down. Thanks again and all the best to you, oinobares.

Sapling

Just hang in there fairenough...You're doing great to just not drink today...You'll start feeling better....Every day gets better.

pinkdog

Sounds like our withdrawals were similar. I tapered down for 30 days first but still pretty bad. I almost went to the ER a few times but I wound up not going. I also said never again. And I meant it. 2 years 12 weeks sober. Sobriety is great! Keep going friend.

fairenough

You and me both (would've quit waaay back). I see how you could forget. It's brutal. I need to remember so I write it down as I can. Thanks for the encouragement, and reminding me it'll get better.
I will get to another meeting tomorrow. I so appreciate hearing from people who have gone through this.

Sapling

I can tell you one thing...If I wasn't loving the life I have right now...I'd be drinking. I'm not giving this up for anything!

fairenough

Wow, good for you, pinkdog.My alcoholic roommate seems to think one won't have withdrawls from tapering off. Or maybe just wanted me to drink again as I've been told numerous times past couple days I wouldn't be going through this if I just cut down. My withdrawl symptoms are being described as from other reasons. No, I'm not listening. I mean it too. I will be sober 2yrs from now,too. Thanks, pinkdog.

oinobares

I still feel abysmal, but making the meetings, eating well, having a few laughs at funny movies (good medicine). I was flat out told I needed rehab or outpatient, but due to a variety of reasons, I chose a total commitment to AA. I'm very worried and ashamed at how much my hospital stint will cost me and family, though it was the only option I saw at that point.

I know when I start feeling better the idea that I am out of the woods will endanger my sobriety, so constantly staying attuned to the inner conviction, the awareness that in my nature I am an alcoholic has been an important advance for me.

Hang tough.

Sapling

I went to rehab and left early to do that oinobares....I'm living proof it can be done. Give it all you got!

oinobares

The difference in my attitude about AA participation during the 90 sober days prior to relapse and my attitude about it now, is that I get what is meant by "half measures availed us nothing."

Thanks for the encouragement!

Sapling

That makes all the difference in the world!

catlover17

I read all the posts from the US and i am shocked by how many can't get medical help. How people will not go to accident and emergency or visit a GP.. how does this system work?? If i'm sick, i'm sick, end of. I go to the doctor...please explain... i'm working class uk, i know you guys have mostly private insurance health but what about those who don't/can't?? What happens?

fairenough

Those who don't, have to pay and it's very expensive, at least in a major metropolitan area like the place I live. every area is different and some offer healthcare at county facilities at no cost if one has virtually no assets, unemployed, etc. Because I was laid off my job and only recently started a very part time position, I probably could go to county. my experience there when I was unemployed was so negative I really don't want to go back there. I think most who have ever lived in southern california would agree. I did try calling a closer hospital, a better one, and was told theyd see me in the er but I would owe whatever was charged and no discounts. in my current situation, I did not want to take on thousands of dollars of debt. Maybe othershad different experiences. Even at the "cheaper"county hospital, it cost me over a thousand for an er visit until I showed verification of finances. Millions of people rarely or never see drs because care costs lotsof money. Have heard there's a many months waiting list in the UK. Is that true?