So I breathe my fear in then out and ventured outside
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
So I breathe my fear in then out and ventured outside
Despite my anxiety I picked up my mail then visited my elderly neighbor and took out her trash. I walked around the complex and said hello to some people. I thought my heart was going to burst and felt like I was swallowing dust but I did it. When I came back in I wanted a drink so bad it was a taste in my mouth. Instead I started dinner and I briely meditated. I prayed for myself and all those suffering, those I knew and those I didn't. The anxiety/depression is here but the booze is not. Those moments I can laugh or feel the pain and lonelyness of others and take action are the moments I feel alive. I don't have to feel good but I do need to feel alive, I do need to feel. I made a call, talked and was talked to. Now I am rewatching Ghandi. Not always comedy but sometimes just about strength, hope and faith. May I find it now.
dude in recovery
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Gulf Coast, TX
Posts: 1,504
Wish you the best. 'Hope' was an odd feeling when I got it last year and am certain it got me through those early months. I haven't felt like I do now ever before in my life, hope in a future purpose that can only happen through my continued sobriety and that hope can only be kept through the absence of any mind altering substance.
dude in recovery
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Gulf Coast, TX
Posts: 1,504
Oh I meant to add that I am now able to walk down our street with very little anxiety, plus driving, going into and browsing at the 'big box' stores... all of which used to hit the #9 on the panic scale.
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