Money can't buy you love
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Red bank nj
Posts: 68
Money can't buy you love
It's true money can't buy you love but and this is a big but it helps let you choose your misery! You see thesefMous people successful in their careers but still unhappy in their personL life. Then a month goes by and you see them in some exotic country with a beautiful new significant other on their arm. Again and again and again. The years pass me by and I'm stuck o money to make a significant change, it's depressing. My problems wouldn't be solved bit it would be a lot easier if we could all go on a great adventure to take our minds off our troubles and actually experience new and exciting things and people. Instead I stay planted in the same town no money to do anything fun or special just lucky to be alive. If that's what you call this.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I don't know if I believe that. A while back, I had a "girl's long weekend" away and I brought my misery right along for the ride. I tried to fake it but they all knew. Sad part is ...I had no idea it was ME....I blamed him for all MY misery!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
It's nice to think about winning the lottery but I'm not going to hold my breath and wait until it happens. I don't look good in blue.
Sometimes our own misery will blind us from the beauty that is right in front of our nose.
I did a wonderful exercise about a year ago. The exercise is described in Melody Beattie's book "Miracles in 40 Days". I would highly recommend it. It was life altering for me.
The concept is simple. Find a person you trust to be your "gratitude buddy". Each morning, within 1/2 of waking, sit down at your computer and write them an email listing five things you are grateful for. Look for gratitude in things that are difficult.
Example:
I am NOT grateful that my father's plane fell out of the sky and killed him.....but I am so grateful for the lessons that his death have taught me.
I cannot be grateful that my son is a meth/heroin addict but I am grateful for the friends I have met as a direct result of dealing with his addiction.
I am grateful for the hummingbirds that visit the feeders in my back yard. Their dancing flight makes me smile.
I am not grateful for the state of the economy but I am very grateful that I am employed.
etc.
I did this every single day for 40 days. It changed my life.
What do you have to lose?
gentle hugs
ke
Sometimes our own misery will blind us from the beauty that is right in front of our nose.
I did a wonderful exercise about a year ago. The exercise is described in Melody Beattie's book "Miracles in 40 Days". I would highly recommend it. It was life altering for me.
The concept is simple. Find a person you trust to be your "gratitude buddy". Each morning, within 1/2 of waking, sit down at your computer and write them an email listing five things you are grateful for. Look for gratitude in things that are difficult.
Example:
I am NOT grateful that my father's plane fell out of the sky and killed him.....but I am so grateful for the lessons that his death have taught me.
I cannot be grateful that my son is a meth/heroin addict but I am grateful for the friends I have met as a direct result of dealing with his addiction.
I am grateful for the hummingbirds that visit the feeders in my back yard. Their dancing flight makes me smile.
I am not grateful for the state of the economy but I am very grateful that I am employed.
etc.
I did this every single day for 40 days. It changed my life.
What do you have to lose?
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by Heartbroken0608 
Thank you KE. I just had a friend agree to be my gratitude buddy. What a great idea! I'm looking forward to it. 
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
Oh, Kind Eyes, I like that 40 day plan.
We all really know that money can't buy happiness. There are too many rich but miserable folks, and I believe they are still miserable even on the exotic trips. But yes, it can make a good down payment.
Finding pleasure in simple things can bring joy, and when we look around, there are so many people, particularly in 3rd world countries, who would give anything to live as we do. If I had to choose to eliminate one of the following - faith, family, friends, finances - there's no doubt which one I would choose to let go...finances. (Not that we have a ton of it; we are comfortable in our nest and employed, but everyone can find other "things" we would like.
Money can pay bills and buy nice things, but if I had the money of a king, it couldn't fix my friend's cancer, make my son stop using, heal my friend's 1 lb. newborn grandchild, give me my sweet hubby, sister, etc., or the freedoms I enjoy.
I don't mean to sound "preachy". I have had these thought many times! Oh, if I only had the money I would pay all my son's fines, furnish all my family with a nice house and good cars, give more to church, pay all my families' bills. What fun that would be!!!! Sometimes we make a game of it and "play-like" doing anything we wanted. Then we go get an ice cream and savor the moment for real.
Again, I do understand and may peace find you - and the lottery, too!!!!
We must just bloom where we are planted.
We all really know that money can't buy happiness. There are too many rich but miserable folks, and I believe they are still miserable even on the exotic trips. But yes, it can make a good down payment.
Finding pleasure in simple things can bring joy, and when we look around, there are so many people, particularly in 3rd world countries, who would give anything to live as we do. If I had to choose to eliminate one of the following - faith, family, friends, finances - there's no doubt which one I would choose to let go...finances. (Not that we have a ton of it; we are comfortable in our nest and employed, but everyone can find other "things" we would like.
Money can pay bills and buy nice things, but if I had the money of a king, it couldn't fix my friend's cancer, make my son stop using, heal my friend's 1 lb. newborn grandchild, give me my sweet hubby, sister, etc., or the freedoms I enjoy.
I don't mean to sound "preachy". I have had these thought many times! Oh, if I only had the money I would pay all my son's fines, furnish all my family with a nice house and good cars, give more to church, pay all my families' bills. What fun that would be!!!! Sometimes we make a game of it and "play-like" doing anything we wanted. Then we go get an ice cream and savor the moment for real.
Again, I do understand and may peace find you - and the lottery, too!!!!
We must just bloom where we are planted.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
Originally Posted by Kindeyes
That's great! I'll be interested in hearing about your experience! It really was life altering for me. It didn't cure all of my problems but it helped me look at them with "new eyes".
gentle hugs
ke
gentle hugs
ke
my first thought was to put my phone on silent so it doesn't wake me up at that ungodly hour (lol) but I think instead I'm going to let the phone wake me up. Having an hour or two of quiet time in the morning before the rest of the house gets up will give me some reflection time to be grateful for.
...I hope.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Originally Posted by washbe2
We all really know that money can't buy happiness. There are too many rich but miserable folks, and I believe they are still miserable even on the exotic trips. But yes, it can make a good down payment.
Finding pleasure in simple things can bring joy, and when we look around, there are so many people, particularly in 3rd world countries, who would give anything to live as we do.
Finding pleasure in simple things can bring joy, and when we look around, there are so many people, particularly in 3rd world countries, who would give anything to live as we do.
It took me many years to realise that there is nothing external that can bring anything but fleeting happiness. Not money, not having more friends, not being more respected, not NOT having an addicted son, nothing. That old cliche is a cliche because it is true. True joy can only be found within yourself only and can be found under any circumstances.
Even knowing this and having experienced this, I too am brainwashed enough to wish I could win the lottery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Red bank nj
Posts: 68
Oh I think you all missed the point. I know money can't buy happiness. I have had money and I have had no money at times. I am grateful for being in both places in my life it has taught me to appreciate all the little things that really do matter. And also made me a kind compassionate person. What I was saying and you can't dispute this money can be comforting, and it helps in many situations of course it won't make rainbows in your life if you can't find happiness within. It can help east your stress of financial ruin though and that was my point. I wish everyone would get real and stop acting like we need to be saints in order to be healthy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by Endofline
Oh I think you all missed the point. I know money can't buy happiness. I have had money and I have had no money at times. I am grateful for being in both places in my life it has taught me to appreciate all the little things that really do matter. And also made me a kind compassionate person. What I was saying and you can't dispute this money can be comforting, and it helps in many situations of course it won't make rainbows in your life if you can't find happiness within. It can help east your stress of financial ruin though and that was my point. I wish everyone would get real and stop acting like we need to be saints in order to be healthy
One of the happiest times in my life was when I lived in a $185/month apartment, sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag, with a 13" black & white tv sitting on a cardboard box. That was the extent of my possessions. It was the first time I lived alone. I was free and independent.......and happy.
Who is missing the point? Are you upset because no one jumped up and agreed with you? No one has suggested that you (or anyone else) needs to be saints in order to be healthy. But I do believe that a person has to do some work on themselves to be healthy (eat right, exercise, have a connection to the universe, etc.). That is all that is suggested in this thread. Some people are willing to do that....and others are not. Makes no difference to me.......I am simply here to share my ES&H.
Take what you need.......and leave the rest.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Red bank nj
Posts: 68
I have had it I have not had it, and that's all I'm saying I could careless if anyone agrees I'm not sitting here wishing for it but I won't lie If it came my way I wouldn't turn it down. I dont pine for it I don't gamble I eat well I exercise I know where it went,so please enough. I have been living with a man that has been out of work for 3 years and I used it to pay bills and he used it to buy drugs. I know don't need anyone to bring that to my attention. I work and I appreciate all that I do have. Would it help save my house yes it WOULD
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
Looking back 20 years to when my son was born we had very little money, college loans, new house, new baby, etc. but I was very happy. I can remember thinking, on a regular basis, how happy I was and what a perfect life I had. As the years went by that didn't change. I was very grateful for my life, had a job I love, 2 beautiful, healthy, children. Life was good.
Now money isn't an issue (not than I'm rich by any means but definitely comfortable) yet I'm miserable. I could travel if I wanted to but I don't. The last trip I took was to Italy and my son got arrested while I was away. I think part of me is afraid to go away again ... Twisted I know, but it is what it is.
I would gladly give away every dime I have if doing so would take away my sons addiction.
I get what you're saying in that if you're not sure if you'll be able to buy food for your family or pay the rent next month then sure, a little more money will make you less stressed, but once the basic needs are met anything more isn't going to do a thing to affect true happiness. The most important things in life cannot be bought.
Now money isn't an issue (not than I'm rich by any means but definitely comfortable) yet I'm miserable. I could travel if I wanted to but I don't. The last trip I took was to Italy and my son got arrested while I was away. I think part of me is afraid to go away again ... Twisted I know, but it is what it is.
I would gladly give away every dime I have if doing so would take away my sons addiction.
I get what you're saying in that if you're not sure if you'll be able to buy food for your family or pay the rent next month then sure, a little more money will make you less stressed, but once the basic needs are met anything more isn't going to do a thing to affect true happiness. The most important things in life cannot be bought.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
endofline...I don't know what you do for work, or how old you are...but I don't think it matters. you say you're sick of being stuck in the same old little town. maybe losing your house would be a godsend. seriously. sometimes starting over from so little ends up being an act of freedom.
I have moved a few times in my life, the last time I was 40, and I would be willing to do it again. I have financial struggles and have always lived pretty intimately in a hand to mouth cycle of income to payout. You just never know what the bigger plan for your life is...but you probably have come to know that, for you, it is NOT paying/paving the way for an active addict to use you and your income.
Now...now you are free. when the door on the birdcage opens it takes a long time for wings to stretch, to remember what they are for.
Sometimes we codependents can get caught in the doorway, feeling angry and sad and resentful for having spent so much time in the cage. Some people here are going to be cheering you on to get you to fly...if even in your imagination. Some of that cheering may sound like annoying barks...but I truly believe that you will look back in a short time and hear the messages differently!
Sometimes the worst situations are the ones that set us free.
When I stand and wash my dishes it is one of the places that I check in with my gratitude...clean, running water, and my collection of thrift store plates. Peace. Self love.
Sometimes a power greater than yourself does for you what you can not do for yourself. Sometimes a door that is opening doesn't look so inviting...
Welcome to the beginning of your freedom.
Peace and love in a perfectly imperfect human way.
I have moved a few times in my life, the last time I was 40, and I would be willing to do it again. I have financial struggles and have always lived pretty intimately in a hand to mouth cycle of income to payout. You just never know what the bigger plan for your life is...but you probably have come to know that, for you, it is NOT paying/paving the way for an active addict to use you and your income.
Now...now you are free. when the door on the birdcage opens it takes a long time for wings to stretch, to remember what they are for.
Sometimes we codependents can get caught in the doorway, feeling angry and sad and resentful for having spent so much time in the cage. Some people here are going to be cheering you on to get you to fly...if even in your imagination. Some of that cheering may sound like annoying barks...but I truly believe that you will look back in a short time and hear the messages differently!
Sometimes the worst situations are the ones that set us free.
When I stand and wash my dishes it is one of the places that I check in with my gratitude...clean, running water, and my collection of thrift store plates. Peace. Self love.
Sometimes a power greater than yourself does for you what you can not do for yourself. Sometimes a door that is opening doesn't look so inviting...
Welcome to the beginning of your freedom.
Peace and love in a perfectly imperfect human way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Red bank nj
Posts: 68
Wow this really has people responding. I think I got more responses to this post then any other I have posted. But you know when a story is told over and over little details begin to change. The town I live in is small it's a beautiful beach community. I don't hate it but yes I would also like to start a new chapter in my life.I would love to maybe move one day. What I said was because it's so small everyone knows my situation with my husband and I feel humiliated that he is out acting single when we are still married. And yes I know you should always try to find good in something bad,but if I didn't lose my house and I was actually able to sell it that would be the preferred plan so I could have enough money to get a decent place. Now if this doesn't make sense to anyone on this site then just agree to disagree
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I lived in Keansburg NJ, smaller than Red Bank. I drove 41 miles one way to work in Secacus NJ...day in and day out, to make a decent living, and provide for myself. Long drive, long hours.
Sometimes we need to reach out beyond our comfort zone, our geographic location to improve our circumstances.
The bottom line is that we are responsible for ourselves, our emotional and our financial well-being...I learned long ago that the ball is in my court.
Sometimes we need to reach out beyond our comfort zone, our geographic location to improve our circumstances.
The bottom line is that we are responsible for ourselves, our emotional and our financial well-being...I learned long ago that the ball is in my court.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Red bank nj
Posts: 68
Thank you for your post. I know Ypur town I don't really live in red bank I believe when i joined they said it was optional to list actual address for privacy reasons. But thank you for sharing and your absolutely right, we are all responsible for ourselves. Thank goodness I found this site to help me take the annotative to start recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 41
I've read this thread with interest. I know that having money would not have cured my son of cancer, nor reverse the brain damage he must live with, nor cure my AH of addiction. I have lived all of my life without much money, and I am fully aware that having money in no way affects happiness. It is true that you are as happy as you choose to be. But let's admit that having money certainly can make life easier and absolutely gives you more options.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 82
Money wont buy true love and it wont fix a lot of things, but who are we kidding having money is awesome. Money makes life easier, it gives you more opportunity, more choices, it buys freedom. With money you can travel and see things, have new experiences, look at different cultures, learn and grow as a person.
A lot of bad things that happen to people never would have happened if they had money. A lot of stresses in life would go away and people would be healthier too. When you have money you have something to fall back on, you don’t have to worry as much about what might go wrong, or what could happen. You can take more chances in life, and you can have fun.
Maybe that is not spiritually correct, because your supposed to look within and find peace and tranquility, but I can look within with a load of money just the same.
A lot of bad things that happen to people never would have happened if they had money. A lot of stresses in life would go away and people would be healthier too. When you have money you have something to fall back on, you don’t have to worry as much about what might go wrong, or what could happen. You can take more chances in life, and you can have fun.
Maybe that is not spiritually correct, because your supposed to look within and find peace and tranquility, but I can look within with a load of money just the same.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Red bank nj
Posts: 68
Perfectly said and that's all I was trying to say , I just didn't express it as well as you. I'm sorry for your pain there is nothing worse in this world than to see your child sick and suffering or losing one. Thank you for posting there are so many wonderful people on this site I really wish ther was like some kind of get together and we could all meet in person. You and all the others get me through my day.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
