Transcending Ego
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: London, uk
Posts: 92
Transcending Ego
I remeber myself as a small child. One image stuck in time. Afraid to look at house guest. But that child I was, was gentle, innocent full of love and hurt.
The damage begun at birth. Abandoned by an addicted mother fostered by a psychotic narcissist that projected all the parts of herself she couldn't accept into me when I smiled she told me I didn't mean that, when I loved she told me I didn't mean that that any emotion or action I had was to manipulate.
I've grown up not trusting any feeling I have and I still have her narrative on who I am. Therapy has helped but I still struggle.
Lately I realised a lot of my actions are my ego and not the real me the ego protects that small vuneable child. The ego for me had to grow strong and destructive to hold my foster mothers waves of critisms. It mimicked her.
I didn't trust there was anything but badness in me so allowed my ego free reign.Believing it to be who I am. Recently it's dawned on me that there may be another way to live. This ego may not be all off who I am. Bü how does one begin to live differently? The egos response comes so strong so fast I don't feel I have time too stop and think and make a different/better choice I wish I had a factory settings option.
The damage begun at birth. Abandoned by an addicted mother fostered by a psychotic narcissist that projected all the parts of herself she couldn't accept into me when I smiled she told me I didn't mean that, when I loved she told me I didn't mean that that any emotion or action I had was to manipulate.
I've grown up not trusting any feeling I have and I still have her narrative on who I am. Therapy has helped but I still struggle.
Lately I realised a lot of my actions are my ego and not the real me the ego protects that small vuneable child. The ego for me had to grow strong and destructive to hold my foster mothers waves of critisms. It mimicked her.
I didn't trust there was anything but badness in me so allowed my ego free reign.Believing it to be who I am. Recently it's dawned on me that there may be another way to live. This ego may not be all off who I am. Bü how does one begin to live differently? The egos response comes so strong so fast I don't feel I have time too stop and think and make a different/better choice I wish I had a factory settings option.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 171
Originally Posted by Melbadaze 
Recently it's dawned on me that there may be another way to live.
My own ESH...
for me- to learn about the ego, and letting go- I go to Eckhart Tolle clips on you-tube.
Like any of us- I think he is a work in progress. I found meditation really really hard [steps 2 and 11]. The reason for this was that I was exhausting myself and I simply fell asleep!!!
Today I find that doing breathing exercises first primes me up... and breath, in itself, is a great meditation...
I think the ego state generates a whole lot of anxiety... besides relaxing, for me it is important to have time with friends, to eat well and regularly and to have fun and excercise...
but sometimes, I think the meditation comes first...
cheers,
David
NZ.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: CA.....Hometown : Sioux Falls
Posts: 2,624
I struggled with the same ego voice, having a similar childhood. A few months ago I bought a book called The Voice of Knowledge...by Don Miquel Ruiz. It has changed my life. He talks about the voice of the liar and how to overcome it's effect. Over time my truth and geniune self has emerged. That ego voice is becoming silent. I was abused since birth in many shapes and forms. I had no identity or sense of self. I'm almost 2 months sober now and very happy with life and who I am. BTW I'm 63...It's never too late!
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