MycoolFitz

No matter what I do I won't get my wife, family, home, dog back Alcoholism can burn bridges beyound repair, Sobriety is to build a future not patch a past. It makes me want to cry, but the past is past, the future unknown, I can construct today today. I spent a lot of time and energy thinking if I do it right now yesterday will repair itself but it doesn't but maybe that time and energy will let today take care of itself. I miss my life but I guess I didn't have much of one. Today I have right now.

tomsteve

we alcoholics are actually very blessed to be able to have lived 2 lives. one with all of the gloom, dospair, and misery and knowledge of what didnt work, and one of being happy, joyous, and free and knowledge of what does work.

ReadyAndAble

Aw, Fitz, what a great post. I sure know how it feels to have regrets. But you know, that's not exclusive to alcoholism. Families break up, couples fall out of love, friends lose touch, people move away, dogs are lost. It's part of the human condition. So is the fact that as long as people move forward, new friendships can be made, new romances can bloom, and new puppies can find a loving home.

DryScotsman

Well said - I would give everything to have the past 10 years over again but I am know that can never be. I feel I am now strong enough not to keep looking back with regret and am trying and make up for my failures to my wife and kids.

All our pasts are a great thing to occasionally look back to and draw strength from but a terrible thing to brood upon.

No excuses no regrets.

chicory

((((MyCoolFitz))) wishing you beautiful things in this sober future you are building for yourself.

hugs
chicory

CraigA

Today I can help myself before I did not have a clue! I feel the same way sometimes too but two things I remember we are the few that can live two lives in one lifetime like tomsteve said and the other I can help myself mold the today for me and everybody around me. I can make another family, be not only productive at my job but actually like what I do today, I can be a friend today because I am not only thinking of me today I can listen, and especially the past no matter how far diwn the scale we have gown, we will see how our experience can benefit others, WOW amazing!

Good post and a good reminder thank you. All we have is today; no matter how many tomorrows there are I will never see them because I can't be there. I am grateful for this site and all the help A.A. and the good people that surround me. God Bless you and have a good Day!

Endofline

Were all in the same boat. I'm not a drinker it was my husband that drank and did drugs. They changed him and all he did was lie to keep it going. But I always second guess myself could I have done this or should I have done that because like you I wish I could press rewind and get those years back. I wish we could have lived happily everafter. He was the love of my life. I have to think of today and hope that I can somehow start a new one . We both lost everything just like you. At least you are at a point where you can reflect back with a clear head and know whaat you don't want. My husband is still active in his addiction and thinks the only problem he needs to get rid of is me. This is the man that would tell me I was the best friend he e Er had and the person he felt the closest to. He said these things when he was sober before he was hooked on pain killers. And I believe they were sencere but that man is gone and it feels like I'm a widow. Good luck to you. You have a lot of living left to do ,I hope good things come your way I'm sure it wasn't easy to come this far.

onlythetruth

Right, and something not to be forgotten. There's a tendency to think that we're somehow unique, different from the rest of the human race in what we lose. We're not. Our loved ones lose too.

And people who've never been touched by addiction lose things as well, sometimes due to their own actions and sometimes not. Loss is part of being human.

YVRguy

I think hindsight is 20/20 and lots of people have regrets , alcoholic or not.

Those are big loses Fitz to be sure but I think you have it right that the road ahead is unknown and with sobriety , at least we get a chance to experience it in a less confusing and miserable way.

My own experience seems to tell me , as an alcoholic , is my mind is so full of negative thoughts about myself that the past can seem extra harsh. The filter on all things past is to pick all the negatives and none of the positives.

My wife will leave this summer with our twins to move 3000 miles away. Its something she must do and I had the options of going or not. I chose, for now , not to go as she deserves some sanity and healing time and I need to work on my sobriety and recovery. As they say if you love something , let it go , if it comes back ... She has been with me on the last 12 years of my/our crazy train and lord talk about loss ....I am not sure which of us lost more but I willing to say she did. We don't fight like cats and dogs ...heck we hardly fight but when you don't say much....but I believe she is codependent and has covered up for me way too many times , asked or not. Time for her and the kids to get some time away from Mr Binge till he can deal with life sober. Its not like I don't have some major disappointments as to how things turned out some of which ultimately I believe will reside with her but that's how things are in relationships.

The big losers have been and probably are the kids to an extent but the aim is that they should have a father who is sane , sober and able to cope with life on life's terms. Having me around mired in a vodka haze and being as unpredictable as the weather will actually be worse and a selfish thing for me. I need to be a whole person to and for them and that will take time.

Could I/we have done things differently? Sure but that is not what happened. Am I afraid of the change? Sure , but I also see benefits and costs to all sides.

The storm will be weathered and the number best thing I can do is to remain sober and begin recovery to being able to accept life as it comes. My marriage has been over for a long time , we just live in the same house and support our kids. We remain friends and I am grateful for that

Oh well I totally have strayed off into a different thread line.

Take care