Luling

I could have a glass of wine, maybe two. Then I would put the cork back in the bottle, wash out the wine glass, and make some tea. I have self-discipline, I just have to make a little bit of an effort, but really, it's simple. One, maybe two glasses -- and then stop.

Never mind the fact that I've never done that before, at least in recent memory. Why does that voice keep telling me the same lie? It's okay, I'm not believing it, not really. I want to believe it, which is why I've fallen for it so many times. But it always ends up the same way: Is that the last of that bottle already? I'll just open up another bottle and have a tiny bit more. Next thing you know, I'm waking up with a headache, a foul taste in my mouth, and a heavy sense of uneasiness and shame.

Anyway, that voice is bothering me, which is why I came here to tell on her. She'll go away if I ignore her long enough.

MycoolFitz

Yea I moderated and controlled drinking so long I ended up in ER. The best laid plans of Mike and Men always go astray

desertsong

Yep, that's how it works. Mine was always, "Aw, all you need is a couple. Just to take the edge off. You'll feel nice and mellow for a bit, get a chance to chill, and then you can get back to the business of life." Yeah, right. Ten, 11, 12+ shots later, I'm waking up after being passed out on my couch for God knows how long and saying, "HUH?"

It's just a voice ... it has no power over me unless I let it win. I must say it gives me great pleasure these days to ignore it and watch it suffer while I emerge on the high road.

Jeni26

Oh I know that feeling Luling. I think we can torture ourselves for hours if we get into a dialogue with it.
I can't remember who advised me to treat it like a kids voice, one who is whining for something you've said no to. If you say no and walk away and refuse to entertain it, it will stamp its feet and stop.
If however, you get into an argument with it, it will eventually wear you down and you will give in.
Say no and mean it. You are right.
Keep strong xx

Luling

It's just crazy, because I totally and absolutely know better. I've proven countless times that the voice is a lie, and yet it's always the same crap, or some variation of it. Although, she's not always so articulate, sometimes she just screams, "DRINK! ... DRINK! ..."

The problem is when I let my guard down ...

KDL

I had the same conversation with myself on the way home from work. :/ Well timed post for me.

Luling

I just keep on thinking about tomorrow morning. I know how I want to feel when I wake up.

crewisms

Oh dear Luling -- I know what you're saying. But my voice has progressed to the point where it simply says it is time to drink -- a lot -- at least 1/2 to 3/4 of a bottle of tequila, and on an empty stomach so the warmth spreads and the mind numbs much faster. He started telling me "two drinks and cork it" isn't enough temptation. Ya get as far as I did and your liver starts speaking in tongues.

Down with the beast, eh.

Luling

Sigh. I don't know, I'm flip-flopping. So pathetic. I wish my husband would just go on his camping trip.

aeo1313

My voice says, "you over reacted- you don't need to be AA. Your problem was you combined drinking with pills. Stick to just drinking and you will be fine...."

suki44883

Actually, it IS simple. Very simple. Do not drink alcohol. What could be more simple than that? The problem is, it isn't easy. Simple, but not easy. But, the more times you ride out that craving, the easier it gets and the fainter that voice will become. You just have to hang in there and refuse to give in. Say NO! out loud and then concentrate on something else. Keep doing it, just do.not.drink.

Luling

I want to hang out with him, but I can't be in the same room as him right now. Will go scrub something.

suki44883

Scrubbing is good!

OneLessLonely

Im tattling on my voice too! I just posted about it in Class of May thread. It's been telling me if ive done this well completely abstaining my problem isn't that bad. I keep thinking o whoever posted awhile ago that all they say to the voice is "blah blah blah shut the hell up." I also know that if I give in just once, it will start saying "You can't do sobriety! Might as well just keep being a drinker!" so I will not give in to it, even once. Does not help that I just invited to go on a brewery tour this weekend... Ugh!

Dee74

Everything that tells you drinking alcohol is OK is a lie.
Take heart tho guys - it won't always be like this.

I didn't want to be different. I didn't want to have to change my life.
I fought myself for years...but it got a lot easier when I stopped fighting and accepted what I was

I'd convinced myself that accepting that would mean loss and self denial, ostracism and changes I didn't want ...but whole new vistas opened up - best.decision.ever.

D

michelle01

Yes it should be so simple shouldn't it? I often thought that, but it's not. The way I guess I think of it these days is that I have my conscious thoughts, but we are made up of so many drives, we don't even know where many are from. We're also a complex mass of biochemistry - my biochemistry happens to be different to the 'normal' drinkers. I'm the one driven to unhealthy, toxic obsession.

When I quit, I thought at first it would be as simple as giving up the bottle, I could if I put my mind to it, but it turned out to be far more than that, a lot of personal work. What you say is very true for us, thanks for sharing.

EXM6

Your voice seems to get a whole lot LOUDER on the weekends. Keep envisioning tomorrow morning, that seems to be working for you. Imagine trying to lace up those running shoes, whilst hungover... You know-- it's probably not going to happen if that's the case. You're doing awesome luling -- you're so much TOUGHER than her. Remember that.

2granddaughters

She'll go into the background and wait.

I heard a lady from Cleveland say in her talk that her disease was like a beast who was sleeping in it's cage... but the door wasn't closed or locked.

All the best.

Bob R

littlefish

If it's any help, I noticed a big drop in the mental obsession after 3 months of sobriety. In the worst phase of my drinking, I thought about what and when I was going to drink constantly, hence the phrase: mental obsession. Once I started, then I obsessed about the next drink. Waking up the next morning the obsession started all over again, when my mind wasted time debating whether to cure the hangover with more alcohol. I woke up thinking about alcohol, spent the day thinking about it, and went to bed at night thinking about it when I wasn't too passed out to think.

But, after about 3 months, I realized one day that I hadn't thought about a drink all day. Then I noticed that days would go buy without a thought. Then weeks.
Then months. It is wonderful liberating change to experience.
Just hang in there and if you are like most folks, the drinking thoughts will go away.

Of course I think about alcohol, I reflect about this disease. And I know that I've heard many people describe suddenly taking a drink after years of sobriety. But, that's another topic!

sandra756

Me too! AND also to watch soccer tonight (Europe 2012). AND the fact that I'm away on a long business trip, and lonely, bored, stressed, etc etc. But I said NO to the invites, and am now about to be a tourist in Amsterdam (for the first time, even though I've been here so many times for work, because most of those times I was drunk). Day 4 and doing well, thanks to SR!