Mizz

Well, I went out on my little relapse adventure. I had a bottle, not many thoughts, and a flash light just in case i ran into a emergency. Nothing happened, I just sat there and took it all in and regretted it. I can not say what overcame me and I am not about to make excuses.
Here is how it went in detailed order:
1) it sucked
2) I was fully aware during the escapade and even said this is not happening again
3) I went to bed dreading my morning run, dreading coming on here and telling everyone and dreading if I would have to start over again with the obsession. My run was horrible.....but at least I did it.
4) I had a emotional hangover the next day and cried until I fell asleep. Essentially my whole day was wasted and I lost a good 8 hrs of packing time.
5) I think that it all comes down to my priorities, my willingness and reaching out when things seem jumbled in my brain.
Im not going to say that i am starting over. I am going to say that i had a lapse in judgement. We all have had them. I realize how imperfect every situation is. Ive come a long way since I first started this and will continue to put one foot in front of the other.
One day at a time!

Leemzer

Your willingness to face it and own up to it is a step in the right direction! It is so easy to continue sliding so look for some friction!

hypochondriac

And you're keeping yourself accountable by posting on here Patrisha. You can look back on this the next time you are tempted. Good luck with the rest of your journey x

OCDDan

thanks Patrisha, I needed that, carry on..

Sapling

That's all you can do. If you need to add something to what you are doing...Add it. Do whatever you have to do....To make it work. Don't drink today.

EXM6

Thank you for sharing this -- I'm glad you posted. Like hypo said, I think it will be good to look over what you just wrote here if you're feeling that way in the future... It was helpful to me, and I'm sure it has been to others -- perhaps it may help in the future as well.

Keep your chin up!

Hevyn

Thanks Patrisha - for an honest share. I had to do that a few times before I was thoroughly convinced there was nothing in it for me anymore. The old days of it being fun, or an escape from reality, were just never coming back. I finally learned I didn't need to be numb or foggy to get through my life. I never want to live in that state again.

Congratulations on getting it back together and marching forward. You can do this.

desertsong

Thank you, Patrisha ... you have just described every relapse I ever had and described it with unbelievable eloquence. Very cool. Kudos to you for getting back on the horse and continuing to try to beat the beast. You have an awareness now that will take you very, very far. That is a very important piece in this puzzle.

DisplacedGRITS

Thank you for your honesty. Honesty is a virtue that will carry you far on the path to sobriety. If this relaps has strengthened your commitment to being honest with yourself and those around you then take that from this experience and at least some good has come of it. Posts like yours help keep me sober.