wantabe

I'm not that great with words, so I'm hopeing the community could help me find a good phrase to reply to people that ask something like "how is she doing" or "does she have a problem".

For example there is an old friend of my AW. My AW cut off contact with her after she relapsed and her friend laid down a boundary my AW didn't like. The friend emailed me and ask me how she was doing.

Or our dentist’s called after her appt. and says that AW appeared to have been drinking (early morning appointment) and wanted to let me know.

I guess I just want to say something like, “Talk to her, there is nothing I can do and I don’t want to be the conduit for her status to people who are concerned about her drinking.”

But since these are nice people who are concerned about her, I want to say it in a little more acceptable way.

Thanks much.

Pelican

A phrase I learned here at SR:

"Sometimes the best response is no response."

Especially in the case of an email from her friend. I would not feel obligated to reply because it is Her Friend = Her Issue.

Your wife's dentist: A simple "Thank you for your concern"

I hope you will keep coming back.....We understand and we are here to support you

Tuffgirl

Stock phrase: "Fine, thanks for asking". "ok, thanks for letting me know". Or my favorite, "I'm not in a position to talk about it right now, but thanks for asking"

All conversation enders for most folks.

akrasia

I've been in the same position, wanttobe. I ended up being very blunt with people, frankly. If I thought they were genuinely offering to help, I told them how they might be helpful. If I thought they were being nosey or prurient, I cut them down hard.

This raised my hackles a bit. You have enough on your plate literally and figuratively cleaning up after AW and keeping yourself sane. Was the friend asking how YOU are doing? If the friend wants to check in with AW she can contact AW, and if she's set a boundary with AW that stopped contact, that's her own problem to puzzle out.

Honestly I would probably respond with, "I'm fine. AW is the same. You can email her if you'd like to check in."

WOW. Like they think you don't know about it? This warrants nothing more than a cold, "Thank you for your call."