GottaBounce

I'm three days in. I would normally be either A. At the bar with my employer tonight or B. At home, drinking by myself and being very obnoxious (but, oh how funny everyone thought I was) on FB. I'm doing neither, obviously.

It's hard. I have basically cut off communication with everyone but my best friend that lives on the other side of the country and my daughter who lives 1700 miles away. I know it is not good to isolate myself, but everyone I know in this town drinks and, having only been to two AA meetings so far, I haven't really connected with anyone there yet.

I have a meeting with my employer tomorrow to discuss if and in what capacity I will or will not be able to actually keep my job. It would be a lot easier if...but that is not an option. The bottle is still in the freezer. A freezer I will not open tonight. I know, pour it out. I don't trust myself to do that. I'm kind of afraid of what will happen if I open that freezer door right now. Ugh, this sucks.

I did get an appointment with a therapist today, I go next Wednesday. I went to my meeting today. I feel like Nemo. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

tomsteve

i sure hope you got ya some phine #'s at them meetings. they are there to help YOU achieve sobriety. give em a call and make em earn combat pay!!!! i am willing to bet that you will find one that will pour that liquor out for you and help you.
instead of connecting with others, relate with em.
AA realy does work. there are going to be over 50,000 ex drunks in akron,oh this weekend for founders day to prove it. plus a jillion more in meetings around the world.

OklaBH

Whats going on with your job? Are you quitting or what?

Sapling

If you are done....This wouldn't be an issue. It wouldn't be there.

GottaBounce

tomsteve, haven't gotten any numbers yet. No one has really talked to me. Sapling, I left it at first as kind of my way of giving it the finger. I am done and it is going down the drain, I just don't know if it will be tonight or tomorrow morning. I know I won't drink tonight but I it has been a struggle.
Okla, I was at the bar last weekend with my employer who happens to be a very heavy drinker. In a blackout I let the person have it. Said some very horrible things and was fired on the spot. As we were on a deadline for the paper we work for I still had to continue doing my job despite being fired. I apologized profusely for what I had said and my behavior; not in the hope of keeping my job, but because it was a horrible attack that was basically unwarranted. I still have no idea what I said, but I know that sick feeling I had when I woke up and a vague memory of hearing "YOU"RE FIRED" screamed at me repeatedly. At any rate, through the course of having to work through our deadline and some very stilted communications I was called and asked to come in for a meeting tomorrow if I would like to keep my job in a diminished capacity. I love my job, it is a position I have worked for almost my whole life.

Sapling

Do you think it's going to help your struggle knowing it's in your freezer? Seriously...

GottaBounce

Sapling-It's gone and I am done. Thanks, I think that was exactly what I needed to hear.

Sapling

I don't like seeing people put themselves through unnecessary pain...I hope you don't take it personally. I just know at day three...If that was in my freezer....I would have drank it.

GottaBounce

Not at all, Sapling. As tomsteve said, take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. I must be willing to listen to those that have gone before me if I am going to do this and I am going to do this. Thanks to all of you.

Sapling

For what it's worth...I was fired from a lot of jobs because of alcohol....My last one...Right before I quit for good...My boss took me in his office and offered to get me help...I denied I had a problem...And I was buzzed when I denied it. He fired me about two days later...I was incapable of showing up to work sober. So I drank myself in to the gutter and surrendered. I guess what I'm getting at....Is if the offer for help happens to come up...Don't be afraid to take it....Don't let your pride take you down two more years of misery like I did. I hope it works out for you.

GottaBounce

Yes, I guess trying to give the finger to the fact that I am an alcoholic was pride and ego rearing it's ugly head. I've been reading over on the 12 step area. Looks like I have work to do before I can really say I made that first step.