eekule

Hey i just joined soberrecovery and was hopeing to get some advise and support from others who have struggled like myself. Well i guess ill start off by telling you my current situation. At the moment im sporting 2 black eyes a fractured jaw and some nasty bruises on my head. This all due to what happened last wknd. Im a blackout binge drinker and have been for for a while now its just getting progressivly worse. Im a male in my early 30s and i really need this to stop. I tend to go out drinking by myself because ive burnt enough bridges and i know how i get and i dont want to lose the friends i have now. When im sober im a smart kind very laid back person but when i drink i become unpredictable and put myself in very vunerable positions. Ive lost my licsence twice lost jobs its really basically ruined my life. Ive been to treatment 3 times tried aa tried councilling i just cant seem to find a solution. This last wknd i could have been killed i running into the wrong people saying doing who knows what its insane to me. Just wondering if anyone can relate or has any advise. thanks for listening.

awuh1

When you find yourself in a hole ..quit digging. Hope you can find a bottom, before it finds you.

You sound like a good candidate for AA. What was the problem there?

Dee74

Hi and welcome eekule
You'll find a lot of support here and a lot of great ideas

SR really helped me make the changes I needed to make - I hope we can help you too
D

tomsteve

if you are an alcoholic like me, trying anything is a set up for failure. i got into AA and have been sober ever since.
i didnt do what them old timers said to do because they were right. i did it because they had more experience at what didnt work.

a lil harshness here; you didnt lose your license, ya gave it to the state because ya wanted to drink more that drive. you didnt lose jobs. you gave em to someone else. it's what us sick alcoholics do. and unless change is made, we eventually give our lives away too.

eekule

I guess ive had a problem opening up to people. The groups ive been to tend to be quite a bit older than myself and are quite tight knit just felt outta place and not all that accepted.

awuh1

In this area there are groups specifically for young people. I would call your local AA office and ask them if they have any recommendations for groups that might be more suitable. Get a meeting schedule perhaps. You can also ask for someone to come and speak to you at your home (they will send two at a time typically). Take care of that Jaw. You're going to need it to tell your story.

heath480

Welcome to SR eekule.

roseblossom

I drink until I blackout too. I've hurt many people by the things I say and then I can't remember but they do. I could have been killed several times by walking around in a drunken daze thank God I somehow made it home. The feeling inside myself after a blackout is a horrid, wretched feeling. To not know what I said or did is terrifying. To see the pain in someones eyes caused by me brings me to my knees. I was intentionally ruining my life and was too drunk to realize it. You don't have to feel this way anymore, hurt others anymore or kill yourself anymore. If you can't do it alone ask God to help you. He has never left you.

eekule

thanks roseblossom i feel like gods been watching over me ever since i was young ive had that belief. I feel like he might run out of patience with me though. i know all those feelings you described too well the pain ive caused loved ones to me is worse than any physical pain i could endure. thank you.

Luling

Welcome -- you've come to a good place.

Hevyn

Welcome eekule. I'm glad you're reaching out for help instead of trying to manage this alone. I felt so much better when I came here and saw all the other "me's" - I never thought anyone would understand.

I'm glad you weren't seriously hurt - and you're right - if things continue on this way something very bad is going to happen. I was in danger at the end of my drinking career, too. Every time I picked up it there was no telling what might happen. I even drove drunk numerous times, which I swore I'd never do. Alcohol changed my personality, too. I just didn't see it until it was almost too late. Glad you are here with us, and looking forward to a better day. You can do it.

OklaBH

I can relate. When I get on a big binge I always get hurt. If you saw my list of injuries you would wonder how I survived. I still have a scrape and a couple sore spots from memorial day weekend. It will take one good bonk on the head and you are a dead "in your early 30's laid back guy"

Whatever you tried...try again. Thats all we can do my friend.

eekule

Thanks everyone for your advise and encouregment in all the posts i recieved i really appreciate it.I hope i can do the same once i get stronger. Im glad i clicked on this site

ClayTheScribe

I'm glad you're here man. I'm 27 and almost three years sober, so I know what it's like to want to quit and get help younger than many. The fact you want a different life and are posting here is a great step. I got blackout drunk a few times, enough to try to avoid it in the future. One time when I got blackout drunk apparently I told this girl I didn't like that if she were a guy, I'd bash her head into a brick wall. I was pretty horrified about it for a long time. I was really ashamed and guilty about it. But that was when I was 18 and I didn't quit until I was 24. That shame and guilt didn't help me. It may have even helped me get sober, but it didn't/doesn't help me stay sober. I have a feeling you have a lot of guilt over what's happened and fear and that's normal. I have found guilt is something I have to let go of if I want to make further progress in recovery and as a person. Our inner judges are over-active and mean, especially with alcoholics. You do have the power to take hold of your life again and be a healthy person. Addiction is something most of us are born with, it's not our fault. But we do choose what to do with it and we can choose sanity. For you, it might mean changing your habits and patterns. And just because those people in AA are older doesn't mean they don't know what you're going through. Some of them have been through it and have great wisdom. I would suggest to you to try practicing meditation and mindfulness to slow down your thoughts and catch when the addictive voice has thrown you into a craving episode and then catch that impulse to go out and drink. It takes time but you can do it and you're at the right place.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking and live a sober life.

artsoul

Welcome eekule!

Glad you found us! There's a lot of inspiration and support here - none of us can do this on our own.

sissy07

I want to give you a hug! I know very well the hopelessness and self-hate that comes with losing control. You are very lucky you are still living....I am too. Do something right away, because it never, never gets better. Maybe check out the secular connections forum....there are other routes to sobriety other than AA. And there are some very good books recommended throughout this forum. My love and hope are with you. I am so sorry you are going through this.....but you can change it right now.

2granddaughters

Most of us AA feel that way when we first come, don't let that stop you. You'll fit in soon.

If the hotel was giving away free beer and you thought that the bartender made you "feel out of place" would that make you walk away from the free beer ?? Ha!! He!! No !!

AA's got and kept me sober for years.

All the best.

Bob R (near Windsor)