Where to begin....(long)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Nevada
Posts: 57
Where to begin....(long)
Hello to all!
I've been following this forum for the past couple of weeks, and I just need to say THANK YOU to all of you for your posts and information! Those of us that live, or have lived with, the insanity of an alcoholic always feel alone, and the posts and past posts on this forum have really brought me comfort.
Here is my story...AH and I have been together for 25 years and have two fantastic young men...they truly are the best qualities of the both of us. We were together for many years before alcoholism reared its ugly head in his life, and after 5years of roller coasters and rehab and relapse and lies and al anon for myself, I finally said "enough is enough." I asked him to leave 3 weeks ago today. The first two weeks I was numb, but staying focused on myself, walking my walk, and doing the things that I needed to do to cope. For the most part we were total NC. I felt peaceful. Now in this last week...things have changed. My AH called me the other night to apologize for everything that he has put me through. At first my initial response was "been there, heard this" but this time it felt different. I can't imagine that his lying skills have gotten that much better in the last 3 weeks and for the first time I actually thought "wow, he is being honest" as he told me about how much he had actually been drinking, and in this case gambling. I actually felt some compassion for his addicted brain, and told him "I love you, but you can't come back." He agreed. SHOCK! Sadly, last night I received some terrible news about a close friend and in my pain, called him first. He was so caring....wth? I realize that his sobriety is short lived at this point, but is it possible that he could have reverted back to the person I knew all those years ago? Could he really be seeking sincere recovery? He is talking about seeking assistance from his HP and taking things ODAT...things he never did before. Sorry for the long, long, ramble...mostly trying to clear my head. If he is sincere, I'm happy for him. I'm not saying that we can't ever be together, just can't be together for now; and still planning to keep my appointment with the attorney this afternoon.
Am I an idiot?
I've been following this forum for the past couple of weeks, and I just need to say THANK YOU to all of you for your posts and information! Those of us that live, or have lived with, the insanity of an alcoholic always feel alone, and the posts and past posts on this forum have really brought me comfort.
Here is my story...AH and I have been together for 25 years and have two fantastic young men...they truly are the best qualities of the both of us. We were together for many years before alcoholism reared its ugly head in his life, and after 5years of roller coasters and rehab and relapse and lies and al anon for myself, I finally said "enough is enough." I asked him to leave 3 weeks ago today. The first two weeks I was numb, but staying focused on myself, walking my walk, and doing the things that I needed to do to cope. For the most part we were total NC. I felt peaceful. Now in this last week...things have changed. My AH called me the other night to apologize for everything that he has put me through. At first my initial response was "been there, heard this" but this time it felt different. I can't imagine that his lying skills have gotten that much better in the last 3 weeks and for the first time I actually thought "wow, he is being honest" as he told me about how much he had actually been drinking, and in this case gambling. I actually felt some compassion for his addicted brain, and told him "I love you, but you can't come back." He agreed. SHOCK! Sadly, last night I received some terrible news about a close friend and in my pain, called him first. He was so caring....wth? I realize that his sobriety is short lived at this point, but is it possible that he could have reverted back to the person I knew all those years ago? Could he really be seeking sincere recovery? He is talking about seeking assistance from his HP and taking things ODAT...things he never did before. Sorry for the long, long, ramble...mostly trying to clear my head. If he is sincere, I'm happy for him. I'm not saying that we can't ever be together, just can't be together for now; and still planning to keep my appointment with the attorney this afternoon.
Am I an idiot?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Sounds like you are treading lightly and listening to your head & not just your heart. So my vote is no, you aren't an idiot. 
I think it's always a situation of 'time will tell' and as long as you are keeping your own best interests as your primary concern & he is serious & active about recovery... who knows how your situation can develop?
A year & a half ago I was starting divorce proceedings & fully prepared to live the rest of my life without AH because I just couldn't see us ever getting back to living life on the same page. I couldn't know (nor could he) how much of a turnaround he would create once he got serious about acknowledging his issues & solving them.
That said, I'm still cautiously optimistic. Nothing is written in stone & he could relapse at any time. ODAT for sure!!
I think it's always a situation of 'time will tell' and as long as you are keeping your own best interests as your primary concern & he is serious & active about recovery... who knows how your situation can develop?
A year & a half ago I was starting divorce proceedings & fully prepared to live the rest of my life without AH because I just couldn't see us ever getting back to living life on the same page. I couldn't know (nor could he) how much of a turnaround he would create once he got serious about acknowledging his issues & solving them.
That said, I'm still cautiously optimistic. Nothing is written in stone & he could relapse at any time. ODAT for sure!!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome and Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself!
I hope you will continue to reach out for support by posting as much as needed.
I don't know if your AH's sudden sincerity and compassion are genuine or if they will be lasting.
In my case, my AH got sober and began recovery through AA when I filed for divorce. He was a changed man after he began working with a sponsor. I went ahead with the divorce and plans to relocate to a city 100 miles away.
We attempted long distance dating after it appeared he was maintaining his sobriety. It was an appearance, however. He moved to another city, lost our house to foreclosure and stopped attending AA. He swore he was still sober. One day he *hip dialed* me from a bar. I listened to 6 minutes of what his life was really like. I had been lied to again and I believed AGAIN, because I wanted to believe.
Now I understand:
Some people can remain in our hearts, but not in our lives.
Peace to you as you find your way on your recovery journey.
I hope you will continue to reach out for support by posting as much as needed.
I don't know if your AH's sudden sincerity and compassion are genuine or if they will be lasting.
In my case, my AH got sober and began recovery through AA when I filed for divorce. He was a changed man after he began working with a sponsor. I went ahead with the divorce and plans to relocate to a city 100 miles away.
We attempted long distance dating after it appeared he was maintaining his sobriety. It was an appearance, however. He moved to another city, lost our house to foreclosure and stopped attending AA. He swore he was still sober. One day he *hip dialed* me from a bar. I listened to 6 minutes of what his life was really like. I had been lied to again and I believed AGAIN, because I wanted to believe.
Now I understand:
Some people can remain in our hearts, but not in our lives.
Peace to you as you find your way on your recovery journey.
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