FeelingGreat

Hi everyone, love to hear whether you got too comfortable after a few weeks and maybe thought you were ok and then got kind of ambushed.
I'm 8 weeks in now, and going fine about not drinking, but I know for sure I haven't made that FINAL once and for all decision to never drink again so I'm taking it day to day.
Has anyone got over confident and then suddenly relapsed because something triggered the old cravings?
Best wishes to everyone on their journey to sobriety.

desertsong

Oh yes. I could put together days, weeks, even a couple of months and then, seemingly out of nowhere, I'd be drinking again. Looking back, the common denominators in my relapses were my getting overconfident and thinking I could have "just a couple," slacking on my program, and just plain being complacent. I've learned that daily vigilance and daily work is essential to my sobriety. There are certain things I just have to do EVERY day if I'm going to avoid picking up that first drink. For me that means going to meetings, calling another alcoholic if I'm feeling a bit snarky, time spent in prayer and meditation, doing the homework my sponsor gives me, and avoiding what I know are triggers for me (i.e. boredom, certain people and places, etc.). History has shown me that if I start to slack on any of those things, I'm setting myself up for big trouble.

Dee74

I think it's easy to get over confident and complacent sure, but you still seem pretty grounded to me.

Have you got a plan for if the cravings hit, FG?

D

onlythetruth

No, I haven't had that experience. For myself, the day I decided to quit drinking for good (9-2-98) was the end. Since then I've experienced pretty much all emotional states, from absolute devastation to quiet comfort to top-of-the-world bliss. None of that has affected my decision to abstain from alcohol.

Luling

Isn't it funny how so many of us do this? It is so easy for us to trick ourselves into thinking we can have "just a couple," and it takes a while for it to truly sink in. Like right now, I know for an absolute fact that I can't have one or two drinks. I will finish the bottle of wine and open another one. But I can guarantee that as soon as I let my guard down, I'll start entertaining thoughts of "maybe just one."

tomsteve

i was okay with comfortable. complacent got me in trouble

Luling

I need to work on having that kind of will power. That's awesome.

sandra756

I can certainly relate. I tried twice and relapsed (8 weeks, then 6 weeks). I used to think that I COULD not quit, that the cravings would get too great, so the fact that I could do so twice was a big success for me. But yes, after a while, I got complacent at the point where, hmmm, "this is getting easy, maybe I have licked the problem, maybe I didn't have a big problem to begin with, maybe I can moderate, I WANT to be a normal drinker, etc etc". And then, the two times I relapsed, was when any of the above arguments tipped the balance from "I don't want to hurt myself again and undo all my quitting'.

Like DesertSong says, it is a day to day thing. I really really believe in that. I used to think that that will be such a struggle to think about NOT drinking everyday. Having had my two previous not drinking stints, I actually think that that is part of everyday spirituality, and learning to live day to day, moment to moment. It is not about 'not drinking', it is about living and being present in the moment. Which is a great opportunity of addiction, ironically!

YVRguy

Hey FG , looking at my own cycle of sobriety then crushing relapses , a number of factors seem to paint in the picture. Over confidence , some kind of trigger , the old lies " I can have one", " I deserve a drink" , not staying close to support , isolating myself prior to the first one , eating poorly , letting things stress me out....

At this point I have an absolute realization I can never drink "normally" , and I have never drank normally. Its said many ways , but I like the analogy once your a pickle , you can never be a cucumber again.

From wiser folks than I , the truth appears is that there is only one road that works , complete abstinence and using whatever means necessary to achieve that.

After so many relapses and withdrawals which are now ugly multi day events, I know that total abstinence is required, done day by day , but that fact will never change for me, ever. I sat on the fence so long and the pain of all the relapses haunts me but that is the past , all I have is today.

I look back at the pain of the vicious cycle and I sure want off it by any and all means. For me that means I can never drink again , period.

Just my thoughts

FeelingGreat

What a great reply - I loved the idea that its not just about negatives like 'not drinking'. I will be twice as vigilant though.

BillyPilgrim

I had to realise I couldnt have that one drink

Once I accepted that, things got much better

No point bemoaning the lack of that which did me damage

FredG

Over-confidence is never good and constant vigilance is necessary because the disease of alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. Kind of like a mosquito, it constantly trys to get past your defenses and suck your blood.

One thing that would help though. In your original post you said that you hadn't made the "FINAL once and for all decision to never drink again". Don't you think it's time? Once you do it starts to get easier and UNTIL you do you are in even more danger

forabetterlife

For me, there are just certain hours of most days that the cravings are beyond strong. I need to be prepared for them, expect them, and have a plan. A lot of my plan works better as I have more time invested in sobriety because the difference in my life, my appearance, my spirit is so amazing after a bunch of days of sobriety than it is while drinking, or suffering the after effects. It's that difference right there that often keeps me going...I like myself so much more and I am basically happier when I don't drink. But you are right, after time those good feelings become comfortable and we begin to think we can have the best of both worlds. But that is an impossiblity.

Fluttering

Total surrender is important, Fred...however we still need to remember it is still one day at a time that forever can be a bit daunting for some folks and can set them up for failure right from the git go...so I might suggest...Just for today total surrender...then recommitt tomar to the same thing

stugotz

Over Confidence needs to be kept in check with our Motives. No one is better at lying to us than ourselves. Just sayin...

DoinThis

I feel EXACTLY the same at the mo after a month sober. Last time I drank again after feeling this way and I had 8 weeks. This time instead of thinking how great a drink would be I stop and consciously remind myself of the soooooo many bad times I had with alcohol. I'm thinking of writing them down too. I'm also taking it day by day as the 'never again' thing just doesn't sit right in my head yet. I still haven't started meeting but know I need to. All the best to u

hypochondriac

What a great thread! I like this:

And this:

For me I had to give up forever because I know that if I left any option to drink open then I would use it. If I gave up day by day I'd be planning my drinking tomorrow! That hasn't stopped me from having doubts and becoming complacent though. Basically I just don't feel ill anymore and it is making me have doubts about my decision. AVRT has helped a lot with that, and SR too. Keep asking questions and don't let your emotions rule your head. I reckon I'll be having to deal with cravings years down the line but I think the key thing is how you respond to them rather than that they are there.

8 weeks is great FG, don't let any doubts steal that success from you x

onlythetruth

Depends on the person. For some, such as myself, the decision is and always has been permanent. That was easier, right from the beginning. I don't want to have to keep making this decision. Getting to it one time in my life was plenty.

SoberD

Yes. My last stint of sobriety a few months ago lasted 50 days. I felt strong and comfortable and decided to have a beer before dinner, while out. One beer turned into 3 with dinner, and next thing I knew, I was at the liquor store buying a fifth of vodka. After the fifth of vodka, I was drunk for a month straight without knowing how the hell it even happened...

OklaBH

ME! Three times -the last relapse lasted 6 months. Each relapse was worse. Dont do it. I got some flack on the boards for this last year..... but i will repeat anyway....i was told "the further away you are from your last drink the closer you are to your next"

I belive that to be so true (for me anyways)

BTW--Congrats on 2 months! I bet you feel super!