I want off this roller coaster !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: ca
Posts: 11
I want off this roller coaster !
I'm trying to be brave & strong. Sep from my AH for 4 months. I feel like an impostor. He's so calm and happy looking every time I see him. I act the same, even thou all I want to do is grab him & beg him to come home. I learned not to cry when I saw him. He would just get cold & angry. He's not working a program and says he didn't leave for another woman. I'm in al anon but I can't stand these feelings .Up one day down the next. Nobody in my life understands. They just want me to move on. Just forget him. We were married so long have a daughter. I still love him so much. I cant believe he could just get over me so quickly. I am miserable. I still ache for him. When will this be over. I hate him for doing this. Sick, Sick! love- hate- love- hate. Craziness. Today I feel so desperate. I hope I don't see him I'm afraid I'll make a fool of myself. I feel like I'm always on a emotional cliff. God help me. I'm supposedly doing all the right things. Then why do I feel so bad ?.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
Start dreaming
((((hugs))))
I just wanted to welcome you! And, to let you know you are not alone. There is so much pain in your post. I hope you can feel peace soon. Have you found the "stickies" at the top of the page yet? Those are all old posts that are really inspiring, or eye-opening, and some are pretty entertaining too.
The thing that has helped me most to get beyond obsessing about my AH is to start dreaming about me... Right now, I am dreaming about surrounding myself with friends who are actually interested in hearing what I have to say, who give me time to get my full thought out, and then respond in a thoughtful and respectful way. I'm also dreaming of being in charge of my own world again, that world is full of fun activities that I think are interesting. It amazed me, when I gave myself some time to think about it, just how many of my dreams had been neglected because I had allowed my AHs interests / needs (mostly needs toward the end) to take priority. It's time to make me the priority in my life again.
Keep reading and posting and dreaming, Beckylee123. You will start to feel a difference.
Fathom
I just wanted to welcome you! And, to let you know you are not alone. There is so much pain in your post. I hope you can feel peace soon. Have you found the "stickies" at the top of the page yet? Those are all old posts that are really inspiring, or eye-opening, and some are pretty entertaining too.
The thing that has helped me most to get beyond obsessing about my AH is to start dreaming about me... Right now, I am dreaming about surrounding myself with friends who are actually interested in hearing what I have to say, who give me time to get my full thought out, and then respond in a thoughtful and respectful way. I'm also dreaming of being in charge of my own world again, that world is full of fun activities that I think are interesting. It amazed me, when I gave myself some time to think about it, just how many of my dreams had been neglected because I had allowed my AHs interests / needs (mostly needs toward the end) to take priority. It's time to make me the priority in my life again.
Keep reading and posting and dreaming, Beckylee123. You will start to feel a difference.
Fathom
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