LaTeeDa

It seems there is a lot of “scarcity mentality” going around lately. Scarcity causes fear, and fear causes many unhealthy behaviors. For example, staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone, or staying in an unhappy marriage because nobody will want to be with me, or maybe your alcoholic isn’t that bad (yet), so you stay because it could be worse.

One of the concepts I’ve learned to embrace through recovery is the concept of abundance. It’s all about how you perceive things. If you think something is scarce, you become needy and desperate for it. If it is abundant, you can appreciate it without the fear and desperation. So many threads about “I’ll never find somebody else,” or “no one else will ever want me.” It just makes me sad. The truth is, men are abundant (so are women, in case you are a man ). There are seven billion people on this planet. You really believe the one alcoholic you are attached to is the only one who will EVER want to be with you? Really?

I don’t know most of you personally, but I really believe that every one of you is a nice, worthy, beautiful, lovable person. Why wouldn’t you give yourself as much credit as a complete stranger on the internet?

By believing life, joy, love, and even wealth are abundant, I no longer live in fear. I know that no matter what unexpected circumstances life tosses my way, I will be fine. What a grand adventure being alive is, when you don’t live in fear of the future! Right now, I’m considering taking an early retirement offer and changing my lifestyle completely to live on approximately 1/3 of the income I am currently accustomed to. The old me would have been too afraid to do it. The new me sees an opportunity for a whole new life that doesn’t revolve around 40 hours a week in a cubicle. I will have to sell my house and downsize everything, but my time will be my own. Let the next chapter in my story begin……..

L

lizatola

Heading out the door to therapy but just wanted to express a huge THANK YOU! for this thread.

Tuffgirl

LTD I love this!

I think this is exactly the point I wanted to make with my "as we think, so we are" post on another thread. It truly is all in how we look at life. It is a choice I make everyday when I wake up. Today is going to be a good day, and I am going to be happy with myself. Notice the focus is on me, not anyone else. Sure, it's nice to make others feel good, but my main priority is that I live each day being the person I am most proud of.

I've now been married and (almost) divorced twice. I can look at it as a huge red flag for any future possibilities, or I can look at it as learning lessons that although painful to go through, were exactly what I needed to grow and mature as a person. Who cares what others may think? I don't.

Onward and upward - the world is limitless in it possibilities! I have the same dreams I had 5 years ago when I met my alcoholic. I can easily go back to those dreams and make them come true.

As we think, so we are.

Peace,
~T

amy55

It took a long time for me to leave my marriage because of all of the above. I left when I feared the present more than I feared the future. Actually started to think that if I stayed in the present, I would have no future.

So now I am living in a house that cost about 75 % less than what I had. But it's mine. I am making new friends. I am enjoying life, and I can actually see a future.

Go for the early out retirement. I did......

feelingalone43

I could easily and happily downsize and live a much simpler life. But I won't do that to my 3 teen-aged boys. So for now, I am just concentrating on being a happy, healthy person while detaching from my AH's issues. I am finding my own healing, let him do the same.

LaTeeDa

That's the one thing that's causing me hesitation. I have a teenage son still in high school. However, we have talked about it and he is supportive of me, whatever I decide....

Plus, I could turn down the offer and end up getting laid off anyway. You just never know what will happen.

L

llastchance8

Very well said !!! Even few drops will make us rich, happy and at peace with ourselves ... There is a huge ocean out there !!! We just need to fill our glass from Ocean of happiness and not with stupid poison called alcohol, the beast, the monster

LaTeeDa

Exactly! If men are a dime a dozen, then you can take them or leave them. You don't NEED one because, should you ever decide you WANT one in your life, you can have one. Not a problem, no need to stress about it.

L

EmmyG

Thanks for this. I think for me, it's the comfort of familiarity. I need to let that go, and let go of the sentimental thoughts to focus on reality. The reality of how I'm being treated, not the claims of love and the kind words he occasionally gives.

choublak

Funny you should mention the part about there not being enough men. When I was about 25-26 (I'm 29 now), my mom would tell me something along the lines of, "if you don't get out more and start meeting more young people, before you know it you'll turn 30 and once you hit 30 there'll hardly be any men left." That's something my mom, and her sisters, are always talking about when it comes to their adult children. Meeting "young people". Just last week at my grandfather's birthday picnic, two of my aunts talking about a cousin of mine who lives in a community of townhomes, "oh, do a lot of young people live there?" Most "young people" go out to bars and "socialize". Along about age 23-24 I outgrew the bar scene.

RoseMadder

For me, the issue of "no one else will ever want me", or "I'll spend the rest of my life alone" have never been the problem. In this marriage I am already alone and have been for a long time. The crumbs of love he's offered ever so rarely are just meaningless quack. Once I get my financial situation in order, I will leave. Better for me to be alone without all the chaos and quackery than alone and putting up with it.

LaTeeDa

LOL!

I met the man I'm currently seeing when I was 45. He was 37.

L

scrambled2012

Super post LTD, just great

TakingCharge999

LTD how wonderful ! you would have more time to plan trips and take more pictures, and write the book I am waiting for well you were one of the main influences for me to

1 leave the XABF
2 leave the toxic job
3 start studying what I love, pursue my passions

I am not going to earn what I was earning in IT, at least not while I study.

Also I have never, been this happy, satisfied and motivated in my life!

And yes, the "safety" of a job is an ilusion, they can lay you off anytime..

I am excited about your opportunities

fourmaggie

i just wanted to say good thread....

for me, i never had a self esteem issue on "men"...i was fortunate to have the love of my life for a short time (until his sudden passing). I have his 2 beautiful children and that for now, is what keeps me going...but i have learned i am CONTENT right now, on being alone and right now? thats ok by me....he will come(if ever) if the my HP wants him in my life....

but for now? i am looking/booking my next vacation trip with my kids to Punta Cana...

Sanity2012

Given the choice of being alone with sanity or being with AH without it....I choose door number 1.

sweetteewalls

Great thread...so positive and inspirational. Really giving me hope that there's something better out there for me. Its all a shift in thought!

Argnotthisagain

Now THERE's some Experience Strength and Hope

Jazzman

Cougar

You know I'm in telecom and that's almost as much of a roller coaster ride as my last marriage. With another round of lay offs every six months since.. what, 2001? Well you kinda get use to the idea.

I use to be such a neurotic planner, had to have a short, medium and long term plan all mapped out. As odd as this will sound, one of the best things to come out of my experience married to Mel was I no longer have the need for any plans beyond short term.

I finally got it, everything will be fine.

GettingBy

Oh LTD, I love your posts. You hit the nail on exactly what switched in my thinking so that I finally started taking care of me. I stopped clinging to my business (I had been so afraid of it appearing like I failed).... And I ended up with what is quite possibly the most amazing job imaginable. I'm now surrounded by incredible smart people.. Both IQ and EQ. When I stopped trying to force life, life opened up and blessed me beyond my imagination.

I was so scared to leave my marriage, somewhat because I was afraid of being alone abd worried about how the heck I was going to find another man. What I have come to understand was that I didn't NEED a man... I NEEDED to learn to stand upright on my own and when the time is right I will find a man who can stand upright on his own too The coolest thing is that I'm finding that I really like being single. Not because I'm running around dating willy-nilly, but because I've had time to fall in love with myself. I see. Ow just how amazing I am. How many fun things I like to do... With all that I have going on, there isn't really time for a man now!!! Hahaha!

But what I also know is that faith has saved me and set me free... And faith has given me an abundance of all that I wanted... A great job, amazing friends, and SOOOOO many people that truly love me... Not in a romantic sense, but in a deeper, more sincere tenderness than I could have imagined. It overwhelms me when I think about how much my "new" (I've only known most of these people 6-7 months!) care about me. How quick they are to lend an ear, shoulder, or tissue. I tell my boss at least once a week how damn grateful I am for my job. It saved my life.

Thanks for listening. Great things are out there waiting... We just have to let go and have faith