Sick of the Cycle
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 39
Sick of the Cycle
Hello. I came to Sober Recovery last May. I did well for about a month then started to drink daily again since. I am so sick of this vicious cycle. I get drunk, then to deal with the hangover, drink again and it just goes on and on. My health has to be suffering and I don't know how to stop. I say I won't buy anything then it's like I can't control grabbing wine or beer before leaving the store. I wish I knew why I have been given this beast in life to battle every day. I just hate it.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Sounds too familiar to me and I'm sure to other folks. Developing and following a plan may help with the triggers. Avoid the liquor section of the store, shop with a friend, figure out anything that keeps you from picking up that bottle. Sobriety is simple as they say but not easy. My best to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 796
My heart goes out to you. I suffered from that visious cycle for many year. I joined here a number of years ago, and still couldn't stop the cycle.
It took being willing and able to not drink more than my desire to drink. It can be done. I' ve been sober almost two and a half years now, and believe me I was an out of control alcoholic. The liquor store beckened me, and I had no control.
Things got so much worse, I don't know how I survived the poison I was putting in my body. The hangovers. Laying in bed the day after just hoping I wouldn't drink again.
Many people use a program of recovery, and it works for them. Have you considered this?
I truly hope you don't suffer for twenty years like I did living, or not really living, a life of misery anxiety and fear. But still picking up the drink after I had recovered from the last binge. Bileve me, even if it seems bad now, it only gets worse.
Thanks for posting It brought back a lot of memories for me and will help keep me sober today.
My best to you.
It took being willing and able to not drink more than my desire to drink. It can be done. I' ve been sober almost two and a half years now, and believe me I was an out of control alcoholic. The liquor store beckened me, and I had no control.
Things got so much worse, I don't know how I survived the poison I was putting in my body. The hangovers. Laying in bed the day after just hoping I wouldn't drink again.
Many people use a program of recovery, and it works for them. Have you considered this?
I truly hope you don't suffer for twenty years like I did living, or not really living, a life of misery anxiety and fear. But still picking up the drink after I had recovered from the last binge. Bileve me, even if it seems bad now, it only gets worse.
Thanks for posting It brought back a lot of memories for me and will help keep me sober today.
My best to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
it is a vicious cycle. and deadly ,too. the question ya may want to ask yerself is do ya want to stop the insanity and are ya willing to put in whatever footwork is necessary to stop it and stay stoppped?
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
I said to someone else that I don't mince words and won't start so I'm sorry if I touch a nerve but ... if you're sick of the cycle then stop it. The purest definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and continually expecting differrent results.
Get your butt to an A.A. meeting even if you don't think yourself an alcoholic. The only qualification for membership is the desire to stop drinking. Doesn't say you have to be alcoholic. Once you're there get a big book, a sponsor and start working the steps.
If you are SERIOUS about wanting to end the cycle you will do WHATEVER it takes. Stopped my cycle 34 years ago, exactly this way because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired
Get your butt to an A.A. meeting even if you don't think yourself an alcoholic. The only qualification for membership is the desire to stop drinking. Doesn't say you have to be alcoholic. Once you're there get a big book, a sponsor and start working the steps.
If you are SERIOUS about wanting to end the cycle you will do WHATEVER it takes. Stopped my cycle 34 years ago, exactly this way because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 39
Oh yes, Fred. I do want to stop. I mean this isn't getting me anywhere but lost. I just checked AA places around me and the only thing is they are at 8 at night and my husband wouldn't understand. He doesn't drink and ignores my problem. I think he is in as much denial as me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 277
Littlegirl , we really feel your pain and we pray for you. However, I might sound little harsh as I am going point out a little flaw in your thinking. You said,
"I wish I knew why I have been given this beast in life to battle every day. I just hate it. "
Really sorry to point out. We have not been given this beast in life to battle everyday. We have nurtured this beast ourselves. No one is born with this beast. This beast grows bigger and bigger , every time, we feed it with a drink.. Stop feeding the beast , it will become weaker and your battles will be over , too !!! Makes Sense ?
"I wish I knew why I have been given this beast in life to battle every day. I just hate it. "
Really sorry to point out. We have not been given this beast in life to battle everyday. We have nurtured this beast ourselves. No one is born with this beast. This beast grows bigger and bigger , every time, we feed it with a drink.. Stop feeding the beast , it will become weaker and your battles will be over , too !!! Makes Sense ?
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Litllegirllost7 - Ok - you checked the AA meetings and they're all at 8. Actually that's the most common time for meetings. Phone the AA hotline, or find someone in the program you can talk to.
couple questions I have to ask though ... how important is it that your husband understand? Do YOU want to get well for YOU? Does your husband love you enough to want you to get well?
Bottom line though is that if you seriously need and want to stop, it doesn't matter who agrees with your decision. My dad didn't want me to go because if I admitted I was an alcoholic then it might mean that he was too, since he drank a lot more than me. Went to AA anyway and I can honestly say that when he passed he was proud of me for doing it.
If it were my wife, I would support her decision whether I understood it or agreed with it.
If you want help there are always paths that will open - sometimes we just have to look a little harder. Try some different ways. Let us know what you try and that they didn't work and we'll suggest other ways.
couple questions I have to ask though ... how important is it that your husband understand? Do YOU want to get well for YOU? Does your husband love you enough to want you to get well?
Bottom line though is that if you seriously need and want to stop, it doesn't matter who agrees with your decision. My dad didn't want me to go because if I admitted I was an alcoholic then it might mean that he was too, since he drank a lot more than me. Went to AA anyway and I can honestly say that when he passed he was proud of me for doing it.
If it were my wife, I would support her decision whether I understood it or agreed with it.
If you want help there are always paths that will open - sometimes we just have to look a little harder. Try some different ways. Let us know what you try and that they didn't work and we'll suggest other ways.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 39
I think that maybe he looks at having a wife that has a problem is a flaw of his, if that makes sense. I can't see any other explanation for him ignoring my problem. His family doesn't drink so it's not like he is used to this. I think that he is so normal and lives such a normal life that he can't accept I'm abnormal. Does that make sense?
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Originally Posted by littlegirllost7 
I think that maybe he looks at having a wife that has a problem is a flaw of his, if that makes sense. I can't see any other explanation for him ignoring my problem. His family doesn't drink so it's not like he is used to this. I think that he is so normal and lives such a normal life that he can't accept I'm abnormal. Does that make sense?
As you can see, I don't believe in the easier softer way as necessarily being the best way of dealing with drinking issues.
There's a guaruntee in AA. Goes something like this - If you haven't lost absolutely everything you value in life - keep drinking, you definitely will
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 51
Littlegirllost,
I also joined here last May, did well for a short while and then turned away... I am now back on an Day 2. One of the things I am realizing is that getting angry with yourself only seems to breed a desire to drink more - to kill that pain.
I think all we can do is focus on one day at a time and moving forward. I wish you the best!
I also joined here last May, did well for a short while and then turned away... I am now back on an Day 2. One of the things I am realizing is that getting angry with yourself only seems to breed a desire to drink more - to kill that pain.
I think all we can do is focus on one day at a time and moving forward. I wish you the best!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Welcome back littlegirllost7 
I understand the point people are making here - this is not about your husband, this is about you - you know you have a problem and you know you have to stop.
Everything else really needs to fall into place behind that.
That being said if getting out at 8 is impossible and those are the only AA meetings, there are alternatives.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
A lot of recovery methods have online meetings now...and you never know, something like SMART may have face to face meetings at a more convenient time for you.
Perhaps something like Rational Recovery would be useful too. There are no meetings at all.
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
Ultimately of course if you feel that none of these quite fit, there are inpatient and outpatient rehab programmes to choose from as well.
The main thing is tho - if you want to the cycle to stop, you need to do *something*, LG.
D
I understand the point people are making here - this is not about your husband, this is about you - you know you have a problem and you know you have to stop.
Everything else really needs to fall into place behind that.
That being said if getting out at 8 is impossible and those are the only AA meetings, there are alternatives.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
A lot of recovery methods have online meetings now...and you never know, something like SMART may have face to face meetings at a more convenient time for you.
Perhaps something like Rational Recovery would be useful too. There are no meetings at all.
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
Ultimately of course if you feel that none of these quite fit, there are inpatient and outpatient rehab programmes to choose from as well.
The main thing is tho - if you want to the cycle to stop, you need to do *something*, LG.
D
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Littlegirl - I was tired of the cycle, too - and I knew if I continued I was going to die. I'd reached the point where I was drinking 'round the clock - I couldn't make a move without it. I would've laughed if anyone had told me I'd ever get to that point. So you are wise to want to put a stop to this before your life is ruined.
I don't know why we keep insisting it will somehow make us feel good again, or be fun again. It's making you miserable - life without it has to be better. We're here to help. You can do this.
I don't know why we keep insisting it will somehow make us feel good again, or be fun again. It's making you miserable - life without it has to be better. We're here to help. You can do this.
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