EmmyG

I'm giving up on therapy with AH. I'm going to make our split permanent. I can't do this anymore. I was holding on for so long, now it just seems futile. I've got no strength, no trust left. He's not the man I married. He's deceitful and a liar, and unstable.

I'll cry for what we lost, which was a happy family for our boys. I can still support them financially and I'll try to give them happiness. No man is going to want me after this anyway. I've got a baby and a 4 year old.

I'll just work hard and take care of the Kids, and that will be my life.

FindingJoy

emmyG I can see why you fee no one would want a angle mom with two kids but I personally know at least a dozen single moms who got divorced and are now on a second marriage. Kee in mind there are a lot of divorced men out there with kids and many of them feel the same way.

Focus on building yourself back up again and living your kids...life has a way of making everything fall into place. IRS just not always on our time frame.

mcconnell922

Im in a similar situation but havent quite got to the same point as you I live in hope that there is someone out there that will love me for who i am and will help me better myself and grow as a person. have faith there will be someone out there even if it takes a while to find them!:ghug3

sweetteewalls

It hurts. I just caught my separated AH with the young fling he was with at work. I feel like dying.

Shadydeal

Hey Hey....I see people marry people all the time with young children! I think the key is to attract the right people! Hold out for what you deserve which is to be honored and loved! This is so true! I can not say that a practice this in my life but I do believe it. I also believe that what cones around goes around! Trust me....I am not in a positive piece right now either. I am pi**** at my whole situation, I am mad at myself and I am mad at the lying sack of cr**! But I know I deserve better! I know his he'll is much worse than mine ever dreamed. We should try to work on healing ourselves and loving ourselves. Hang in there

akrasia

Dear Emmy, I just responded to your other post.

Please don't worry about the "no man will want me," stuff. Once you're divorced and on your own there will be a lot of men knocking, that's for sure. A damsel in distress attracts a lot of guys, but only a few of them will be worthy of you. Hold out for a while. A strong, capable, independent woman attracts the best kind of man.

changeschoices

Of course some wonderful man is going to want you!! One of my close friends left her A years ago, in the 80s, and she had two babies with this man. She bought a condo, kept working her tush off as a realtor, raised her children right, and held her head up high. A few years later, she met a wonderful man who also had two children and was raising them alone because his ex-wife was an alcoholic. Imagine that! They married and together they raised the four children as their own.

Let me tell you, they are still ridiculously in love and it's the sweetest thing to see. He treats her like a gem and vice versa. They have both been extremely successful in their careers and can afford to travel and have a wonderful life. Two of their children are now very successful in the family realty business, and my friend and her husband have grandchildren that they dote on. Now imagine if my friend had stayed with her A and her second husband had stayed with his A...none of this beautiful shared life of theirs would have happened.

It sounds corny, but you've got to believe. Focus on making your own beautiful life for you and your children, and the rest will follow.

kudzujean

"IRS just not always on our time frame. " You're not referring to the Internal Revenue Service, I guess? LOL

lizatola

Hugs to you. I know you're hurting, keep coming back and we'll support you as best as we can.

Cyranoak

...is that no man would want you anyway. Not only is it BS and reeks of self-pity, but the fact of the matter is there are many men with hero complexes who are very attracted to women with children and will try to "save" you, and just as many alcoholic/addicts who will see you as a potential enabler and target you like you were a stack of hundred dollar bills.

It's so dangerous because so many women in your situation latch onto the first guy that shows interest exactly because of the "no man will want me" attitude, instead of stepping back, taking a breath, and learning about themselves so they can make better decisions about men in the future.

You'll be fine and so will the kids-- if you let yourself and them be fine. You've made your bad decisions already. Now let them go and start making good ones.

Take care,

Cyranoak

Tuffgirl

As long as you have that attitude - you will put out that vibe to others as well.

I've been a single Mom for a long time. I made a mistake and remarried - to an alcoholic. We had a wild 4 years with my daughters along for the ride (together 5 - that first year was awesome!) I made a lot of mistakes.

But I know there is a man out there who will find me attractive and worthy, some day. Because I do believe it is this very attitude that Cyranoak is talking about above that lead me to make the bad choices I made over the last 4 years.

Prayers and strength to you today!
~T

EmmyG

I know this is all true. I really think the best thing for my kids would
be to not be involved with anyone for a long time. It's the last thing they (or I) need. You wouldn't believe how many times, especially lately, my husband has told me how single mothers just get used and abused and no decent guy would want them. But he's decent, right? Lol

FredG

Knowing the 'tother side - making your life better without the drunk is the best thing for you and your kids if he's not wanting to get better.

As to finding someone out there for you to enter a relationship with ... when the time is right ... it will happen. God has a habit of putting soulmates together when they let him and don't think they know better

Katiekate

Yeah, give up on Alcohol Emmy.

But never give up on your happiness, your dreams or you.

one day at a time, it might feel impossible today, but tomorrow will be different, honey, you are not that old, and having kids is so awesome!!!

It will all fall together for you. I know it will.

love to you Katie

ODAT63

Those da** alkies, always trying to make us believe they are God's sent.....lol.
My story. I married and A I was 23, had 2 boys,later I tight my tubes, I will not bring more kids to my madness, I met my now AXH 9 months after my 1st divorce, my sons were 6 and 3 years old then. I met this guy that I thought I can fix and he can take me with my two boys, well he did, he only had one daughter that he abandoned (just most alkies), but I was sure my life and my kids life were going to be better. Well 17 years later, we did accomplish a lot together financially but the roller coaster of emotions and resentment and dissapointments was not worth it.
Both my boys left home to live with friends at 18, they both resented ME for staying with a verbally and emotional abusive alcoholic.
Bottom line, I was hooked for 17 years, then God did 4 me what I couldn't do for myself and my AH left me after a year sobriety, I was 47, 6 months later I went to a dance (no drinking allow dance), and met this guy, we have been dating since and he wants to marry me, I am now 49, my youngest son is 21 and lives with me (ACOA), this new love is kind, loving, give me space, respects me, appreciates me, cares for me, and I do believe that I found this person because I was ready and willing to change.
I pray that in God's time and if his will I will marry this great guy but if not that is okay too.
I need time to recover, be patient, you will see that once your self esteem is up, you will not allow any alcoholic bully put you down. You DO deserve better and so your children.
Trust and your HP will guide your steps but you most be willing to do the foot work.

akrasia

Ha! Figures. What a #$%*&^%nogood*&^%mother&&#):"@$# CREEP!

akrasia

The fact is, and I hate to break this to your poor AH, but strong independent women raise successful kids and have excellent lives.

EmmyG

Yeah, he says I could find a lot of guys who'd want to sleep with me, but that's all they'd be interested in. Jerk.

FredG

Not sure what century that your husband is from. At one time in civilization's distant past, being a single mother was frowned upon, especially by men, although there are still some parts of society that still follow that idealism way of thinking.

Some men ARE scared off by a women with kids, but these days MOST aren't. Take your time, enjoy life as you are, where you are. Everything happens at EXACTLY the time it's supposed to.

changeschoices

Emmy, what your husband is saying to you is emotional abuse. He is trying to scare you into staying with him, trying to tell you that you are not attractive to nice guys and that you are only good for sexual exploitation by creeps. If this is how he views you, then that ain't love.