ontherebound

my boyfriend and me had a big fight last night when he was high and he gets ctrazy and angry calls me all kinds of names sometimes puches the wall or breaks things but he has never hit me scares me some though last night i locked me and our daughter in the bathroom until he left he called me all kinds of names and banged on the door but left he was gone all night and came back today when he comes home he is sweet and crys he is sorry and wont let go of me. he begs me to forgive him and he doesnt mean it and I know he doesnt He always wants to have sex then and we do and he promises he will get help and will stop but then he doesnt i know he wants to but he is afraid of how bad it will make him sick and all his friends do it to almost all where he works when he works
I need help knowing how to make him stop and there is a free clinic where he can go but he is afraid im so scared one day he wont come home or he will stop wanting to quit

LoveMeNow

Your post brought tears to my eyes, thinking about your poor daughter locked in a bathroom - frightened and confused - while he banged on the door calling you names.

I pray you find the strength, courage and discernment to put your daughter's emotional and physical wellbeing on the top of your priority list.

itsanewday2011

Please, for the sake of your daughter, keep both of you safe. She needs you and you need her.

ontherebound

my daughter is ony 10 months old she wasnt afraid because I put her in the tub and played with her he has never abused her or ever been bad to her He will sit with her and hold her and do all that he is fine when he is even on the heroin it is the pills that he takes someitimes that causes him to go crazy I dont want to leave him I want to find a way to help him we are safe here.
even though I get scared I dont think he would hurt me really I wont take my baby to a shelter but I have told him i would leave and go to my sisters if he doesnt stop he promises he will but he is afraid that is all

crazybabie

Even young children are harmed in ways we may not realize, she had to hear the noise, like so many of us including myself "you just want to help him" he has to do that. You are safe? Drugs make people do crazy things abuse usually starts out in small ways if there is such a thing and escalates.

I have a 21 year old daughter who was in and out of domestic relationships
my mother was in one for 5 years and one night she got a gun and shot him.
I was 7 when my mother got with this man and trust me it has affects on the kids. I know yours is only 10 months but if this keeps on or gets worse time will go by fast and it will affect her more than now.

I copied this and gave it too my daughter of course she didn't understand why at the time but she does now. I am gonna do the same for you.

I Got Flowers Today
(Dedicated to Battered Women)

I got flowers today!
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night;
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt;
I know that he is sorry and didn’t mean to say the things he said;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe that it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day;
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me;
It seemed unreal, a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares;
And I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over—but I know he is sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Valentines Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me;
Make-up and long sleeves didn’t hide the cuts and bruises this time;
I couldn’t go to work today because I didn’t want anyone to know—but I know he’s sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me again, and it was worse than all of the other times;
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about money?
I’m afraid of him, but I’m too scared and dependent to leave him! But he must be sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today….
Today was a special day—it was the day of my funeral;
Last night he killed me;
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him;
I could have received help from the Women’s Shelter, but I didn’t ask for their help;
So I got flowers today—for the last time

Paulette Kelly.

laurie6781

She may be only 10 months old, but even at that age they are 'little sponges' and she is absorbing and feeling all the tension. It will affect her adversely.

As much as you desire for your boyfriend to quit, he won't until he is ready to quit. In the meantime, the things that you have reported here, will continue to get WORSE. It is part of the progression of addiction.

Please contact your nearest Domestic Violence Center. Abuse is not just 'physical'. The name calling, the yelling, the hitting of walls, etc are mental and emotional abuse. The DV can give you all sorts of help, from counseling, legal advice, housing, etc even help in a job search.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

EnglishGarden

"I need help knowing how to make him stop."

If you are really, with deep conviction out of love for him, serious about this, then here is what every addiction expert in the country will advise you to do:

Separate from him [go to your sister and live there for one year]. Allow him only supervised visitation with his daughter.

Do not date him. Do not sleep with him. Tell him he must have one year clean and sober before you will invite him back into your life and your bed.

I think something in your history, something hurtful and abandoning, happened to you, so it is hard for you to put your needs first or even your child's needs.

But if you sincerely love this young man, you will do what the experts say. Why do they advise these actions? Because when an addict experiences loss as a result of his drug use, and the losses add up, he can hit a hard bottom and seek recovery.

If you keep allowing him back into your home and your bed, after these drug-fueled crises, you will be in the role of enabler. And all the experts say that enablers actually help addicts keep using, help addicts to their very deaths.

If you want to help save him instead of kill him, set your boundaries and stop being an enabler.

And get some counseling, please, because it will help heal you and help you be a good mother, too.

LoveMeNow

POSTED BY WINDMILL ON PRINCESSSARAH"S THREAD - Please read!!

My daughter was 18 months when I left my ex. She has a speech delay which is directly related to the abuse I suffered at his hands. She was clingy, nervous, literally frightened of her own shadow- she would scream and shake at the sight of it, no exaggaration. She wouldn't stay with anyone, wouldn't leave my side. I feel so so guilty every single day that the first 18 months of her life were like that.
Since leaving him she has changed SO much. She's happy, cheerful, friendly. She's a pleasure to be around. My sponsor and her partner were here the other evening and ADORED her, she is so cheeky and fun and everyone is her friend in her eyes. She has started nursery and loves it, she's fine being left because she knows she's safe, she knows I'm safe and she knows I'll be back. Oh, and her speech has come on in leaps and bounds, my health visitor couldn't believe the steps she has made in the last 6 months.
Tell me she wasn't affected by living with addiction.