End of Day Six: Reflections
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 11
End of Day Six: Reflections
Day Six
The pain in my side from my swollen liver is mostly gone. The sweats that I had during the day as well as shaking hands are gone. The addiction remains. I was fortunate enough to spend a wonderful and eventful weekend with my young son, which took my mind mostly off of wanting a drink. I had texts from friends both old and new (new from AA) checking in, encouraging me. Going bowling with my son, I convinced myself that a nice cold beer or two would mess up everything I've worked for, and got a soda.
We wound up winning tickets to a baseball game. Man, beer and baseball. It's as American as apple pie. I haven't had just a soda a baseball since I was 8. But I did it. I nursed a soda with some friends who also do not drink. Oh, it was the ride home that the devil did tempt me.
"I can just stop at the CVS, pick up a six pack. Sure would taste good after the game. I'll only have two. The rest I'll drink slowly, on other days. No one will know, and how much can just 2 beers hurt?" I laid it all out for myself. I justified it, and then cast it down, then justified it some more, then cast it down again. "Come on, you never had problems with beer, just binging on liquor. You can moderate with beer!"
I sailed past the store, and continued home. I didn't want another Day One. Even if it was only 2 beers. I don't want it, I don't need it.
I wish that I was as "proud" of me as some of my friends say that they are. It's hard. I struggle, and will continue to. I haven't been to an AA meeting in a few days, and haven't picked a sponsor or started any of the work yet. I've just been a visitor. Maybe it's time to fix that.
I haven't slipped yet. I don't know that I won't. I just know that I didn't drink today, and I won't drink tomorrow.
The pain in my side from my swollen liver is mostly gone. The sweats that I had during the day as well as shaking hands are gone. The addiction remains. I was fortunate enough to spend a wonderful and eventful weekend with my young son, which took my mind mostly off of wanting a drink. I had texts from friends both old and new (new from AA) checking in, encouraging me. Going bowling with my son, I convinced myself that a nice cold beer or two would mess up everything I've worked for, and got a soda.
We wound up winning tickets to a baseball game. Man, beer and baseball. It's as American as apple pie. I haven't had just a soda a baseball since I was 8. But I did it. I nursed a soda with some friends who also do not drink. Oh, it was the ride home that the devil did tempt me.
"I can just stop at the CVS, pick up a six pack. Sure would taste good after the game. I'll only have two. The rest I'll drink slowly, on other days. No one will know, and how much can just 2 beers hurt?" I laid it all out for myself. I justified it, and then cast it down, then justified it some more, then cast it down again. "Come on, you never had problems with beer, just binging on liquor. You can moderate with beer!"
I sailed past the store, and continued home. I didn't want another Day One. Even if it was only 2 beers. I don't want it, I don't need it.
I wish that I was as "proud" of me as some of my friends say that they are. It's hard. I struggle, and will continue to. I haven't been to an AA meeting in a few days, and haven't picked a sponsor or started any of the work yet. I've just been a visitor. Maybe it's time to fix that.
I haven't slipped yet. I don't know that I won't. I just know that I didn't drink today, and I won't drink tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Sounds like you are doing great for six days...Get to a meeting...Look around for a sponsor...Read the Big Book...Get busy....You don't ever have to drink again...And you can change your life...Congrats on one week tomorrow!
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