Flying4Life

Last night I heard from my AV for the first time in nearly a week. I was discussing plans for my upcoming birthday party with my friend, and I heard myself saying that maybe I would allow myself a few drinks since it will be my birthday.

I feel pretty confident about being able to stop after drinking for a day, but is it really worth it? It takes me a few days to get past the cravings and then there's the feelings of guilt and self-loathing. Why am I programmed into thinking that alcohol and celebrating go hand in hand?

The main thing about having this party is to spend time with my friends and enjoy watching the local baseball team, oh and eat cupcakes!

I guess that old habits die hard. I don't need to drink to have a good time and when I do drink I always feel guilty afterwards no matter how much or how little I drink or what happens, the act of drinking brings me feelings of deep shame, mostly after the buzz has worn off.

I need to talk about this because I can't let my AV go unchecked. Drinking is not a healthy choice for me no matter what the occasion. I am choosing sobriety today because I am choosing life.

This whole situation is off in the future and all I can do is stay sober for today and pray that my HP will give me the guidance and strength I need in the days to come.

I just need to remember that my sobriety brings me more happiness, more health, more enjoyment, more intimacy, more security, more peace, more love, and more success.

Thanks for reading, I needed to get this out of my head.

llastchance8

It is really nice that you have recognized the AV and you are preparing so that AV does not talk you in to , having few drinks during birthday party ..The less we feed the monster , the weaker it becomes. However, even one drink may make the monster to rise like Phoenix and control our life.

Weasel1966

I admire your strength and resolve about your decision to stay sober forever.

I have made that same choice.

My AV was in a knock down drag out fight with me last night. Had him by the throat. I almost lost.

Seeing your strength helps me to stay strong as wel.

Reading the AVRT book and getting ready to do my homework tonight.

All the best to you!

doggonecarl

Insanity isn't the voice in our heads telling us to drink...

It is obeying the voice that is insane!

Stay strong. Stay committed.

desertsong

Last night must've been the night for it ... mine was screaming at me too. My husband was hanging out at the bar AGAIN for hours and I was mad. My AV was telling me, "Well, if he can do it, so can you. Why not?" We did some arm wrestling for awhile but I won. I spent a lovely evening with my kids and went to bed sober ... something my husband did not. I won there too.

Celebrations, hardships, stress, good days, bad days, boredom ... all of those things give that nasty voice a reason to get into your head and convince you, "Why not just this once? You can get back on track tomorrow." And we all know where that leads in spite of the voice's promises that it will feel good and bring us happiness.

It's a lie. Remember that. Also remember that it's just a voice. It is powerless on its own. It needs action from you in order to be satisfied. You did absolutely wonderful ignoring it and not giving it what it wanted. That is a huge victory. Every time we kick it to the curb, we grow stronger and more confident. You should be so proud of yourself. I am.

kricket68

wow we have same amount of sobriety to the day! makes me feel not so alone. If possible try and remember "can I really stop at a few?" I know I cannot. One turns into losing count. Stay strong. This is a hard fought ongoing battle I have found.

EXM6

Like lastchance mentioned about recognizing your AV, this is SUCH a huge feat and shows just how far you've come... Not only do you recognize it coming, you talk back. It has taken me years to recognize this voice and am just starting to do some fighting back of my own. Before I just gave into it so quickly that I didn't even realize I had an AV.

My last birthday, I quit drinking a few days beforehand and decided to abstain for the celebrations. My friend's and I did dinner, went dancing, and I opted to drink energy drinks for the night. It was the best birthday I have EVER had to date. They all drank, but none of them have a problem... I stayed sober and enjoyed the night as much as they did.

You're doing so well and know what you need to do to make this a great birthday. I wish you luck!