Seven weeks out
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 433
Seven weeks out
It's been seven weeks since I broke up with AX and made him move out. The first few weeks, I was just getting through every day, and I cried a lot. The next few weeks, things were better but still pretty awful as I processed the past two and a half years of life with an alcoholic.
And now, seven weeks out, I am waking up HAPPY. I am starting a new job this week, and I am moving to my new house in five weeks. This past weekend, I started going through the house and getting stuff together for my tag sale. I went on an all-day field trip last Friday with my daughter's elementary school, had a date on Saturday night, and hung out with a guy friend Sunday. And, of course, I spent time with my two wonderful children during the weekend, time that was not marred by the anxiety of living with an alcoholic who never wanted to do anything with my children and seemed to resent them.
I realize now that I had NO LIFE with the AX. Between his mood swings, anxiety, chronic complaining, binges, recovering from the binges, and social phobia, I slowly gave up my whole life just to try to keep him together. I was afraid to have much of a life for fear of him feeling threatened, for fear of him drinking, for fear of all of the unnamed anxieties that permeated our relationship.
I miss the person he was when he wasn't drinking and had some semblance of mental health. But these times were too few and far between. As much as I miss the good times, they were not worth the price of all of the misery in between.
I feel FREE. I honestly can't believe it. Once I got him out of my life, my life seemed to automatically swoop in to fill the void. I am happy and active again. I was so afraid to end it with him and be lonely and bored and afraid. I am none of those things! I thank G-D for this; I feel truly BLESSED.
And now, seven weeks out, I am waking up HAPPY. I am starting a new job this week, and I am moving to my new house in five weeks. This past weekend, I started going through the house and getting stuff together for my tag sale. I went on an all-day field trip last Friday with my daughter's elementary school, had a date on Saturday night, and hung out with a guy friend Sunday. And, of course, I spent time with my two wonderful children during the weekend, time that was not marred by the anxiety of living with an alcoholic who never wanted to do anything with my children and seemed to resent them.
I realize now that I had NO LIFE with the AX. Between his mood swings, anxiety, chronic complaining, binges, recovering from the binges, and social phobia, I slowly gave up my whole life just to try to keep him together. I was afraid to have much of a life for fear of him feeling threatened, for fear of him drinking, for fear of all of the unnamed anxieties that permeated our relationship.
I miss the person he was when he wasn't drinking and had some semblance of mental health. But these times were too few and far between. As much as I miss the good times, they were not worth the price of all of the misery in between.
I feel FREE. I honestly can't believe it. Once I got him out of my life, my life seemed to automatically swoop in to fill the void. I am happy and active again. I was so afraid to end it with him and be lonely and bored and afraid. I am none of those things! I thank G-D for this; I feel truly BLESSED.
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