Changing relationships
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Changing relationships
Hi everyone. I'm a bit introspective this morning, thinking of how my relationships with those closest to me are changing beyond recognition.
I'm 9 days sober, my husband joined me last weekend and is now 8 days clear of it. We were long time drinking buddies and now we're beginning a whole new phase in our relationship. Finding new ways to spend our evenings, actually talking to each other, and listening to each other. Listening...that's a whole new concept! When we were both wasted we never did that! We are learning about ourselves and sharing what we have discovered.
It is awesome....and a bit scary. I'm hoping he will still like me underneath all the alcohol fuelled bravado. We are being gentle with each other, knowing that it isn't easy to give up that crutch or mask we hid behind. We both find it difficult at different times so can be there either as a support or to provide space if needed. This is so grown up. I'm a 48 year old woman who is 17 emotionally. I'm learning that my needs do not always come first, and so is he. We check up on each other all the time, how are we doing? Lots of hugs, lots of love. This is an adult relationship at its very earliest stages.
My kids have noticed and are growing too. We are there for them, physically and emotionally.
We are becoming an honest, sharing, open family unit.
It still feels very fragile. But it is real. And that is what life is about.
Thankyou all for setting me off and supporting me on this journey. You are the best xxx
I'm 9 days sober, my husband joined me last weekend and is now 8 days clear of it. We were long time drinking buddies and now we're beginning a whole new phase in our relationship. Finding new ways to spend our evenings, actually talking to each other, and listening to each other. Listening...that's a whole new concept! When we were both wasted we never did that! We are learning about ourselves and sharing what we have discovered.
It is awesome....and a bit scary. I'm hoping he will still like me underneath all the alcohol fuelled bravado. We are being gentle with each other, knowing that it isn't easy to give up that crutch or mask we hid behind. We both find it difficult at different times so can be there either as a support or to provide space if needed. This is so grown up. I'm a 48 year old woman who is 17 emotionally. I'm learning that my needs do not always come first, and so is he. We check up on each other all the time, how are we doing? Lots of hugs, lots of love. This is an adult relationship at its very earliest stages.
My kids have noticed and are growing too. We are there for them, physically and emotionally.
We are becoming an honest, sharing, open family unit.
It still feels very fragile. But it is real. And that is what life is about.
Thankyou all for setting me off and supporting me on this journey. You are the best xxx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,422
That was beautiful Jen, thanks for sharing :ghug3
H and I felt very much the same, actually, we still do kind of. Our whole relationship was based around booze and drugs, right from the start. We were terrified that we'd bore each other once we cleaned up. But you know what? Now we're sober even doing little things together is fun. Quiet, simple things, like going through a wardrobe and kicking out our old things. Doing a jigsaw - a jigsaw!! It used to be big bags of cocaine! But now we like just being together. Companions, you know? And it turns out we're actually funnier, sexier and more entertaining than we ever were on the drugs.
I'm so glad you and your H are taking care of each other now. It was tough as hell on you when you were trying to do this by yourself. As always, I think you rock xxx
H and I felt very much the same, actually, we still do kind of. Our whole relationship was based around booze and drugs, right from the start. We were terrified that we'd bore each other once we cleaned up. But you know what? Now we're sober even doing little things together is fun. Quiet, simple things, like going through a wardrobe and kicking out our old things. Doing a jigsaw - a jigsaw!! It used to be big bags of cocaine! But now we like just being together. Companions, you know? And it turns out we're actually funnier, sexier and more entertaining than we ever were on the drugs.
I'm so glad you and your H are taking care of each other now. It was tough as hell on you when you were trying to do this by yourself. As always, I think you rock xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
Jeni , Fantastic post and even better news. Life does gain depth. Must be like gaining colour sight or depth vision for those who don't have them. I guess the trick is keep being pleased by the changes. Enjoy your weekend.
John.
John.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Good stuff thank you. And it is true we stay the age when we began our torture journey of addiction. Scary sometimes but way rewarding to finally grow up. Myself I am 40 in years but about 18 myself.
Remember to look at the scenery for its the ride not the destination.
Remember to look at the scenery for its the ride not the destination.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
This was GREAT to read... I'm so proud of what you and your husband are doing for your family and yourselves. It is amazing that he decided to give it a go with you, as I have read from other people's experiences on this board, that doesn't seem to be the norm.
You seem EXTREMELY self aware, as well as painfully aware of your surroundings and this will only work in your favour. Good luck on your journey -- it seems you guys are doing well!
You seem EXTREMELY self aware, as well as painfully aware of your surroundings and this will only work in your favour. Good luck on your journey -- it seems you guys are doing well!
A girl can dream...
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Recovery Road
Posts: 388
Hi Jeni26,
There may be hope for me and my husband yet. When he gets home from his business trip on Saturday I'm sitting him down to read this. It shows that there could be hope for our marriage. You just brought a bunch of sunshine back into my day. xoxo
There may be hope for me and my husband yet. When he gets home from his business trip on Saturday I'm sitting him down to read this. It shows that there could be hope for our marriage. You just brought a bunch of sunshine back into my day. xoxo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Oh Thankyou.
That couldn't have come at a better time, and has brought a lump to my throat. I'm shortly heading off for my first AA meeting since I relapsed and am so incredibly nervous.
I need AA so much, and want to recover so badly.
My H being on board means I have one less obstacle, but I need to do this for myself.
Never ever give up hope Lifewithoutbooze. Hope is where it starts.
I feel do lucky to have the support I've found on this forum, and am forever amazed that someone always says exactly what you need to hear at exactly the right time.
Thankyou all. I'm privileged to know you xxx
That couldn't have come at a better time, and has brought a lump to my throat. I'm shortly heading off for my first AA meeting since I relapsed and am so incredibly nervous.
I need AA so much, and want to recover so badly.
My H being on board means I have one less obstacle, but I need to do this for myself.
Never ever give up hope Lifewithoutbooze. Hope is where it starts.
I feel do lucky to have the support I've found on this forum, and am forever amazed that someone always says exactly what you need to hear at exactly the right time.
Thankyou all. I'm privileged to know you xxx
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Originally Posted by Jeni26 
Hi everyone. I'm a bit introspective this morning, thinking of how my relationships with those closest to me are changing beyond recognition.
I'm 9 days sober, my husband joined me last weekend and is now 8 days clear of it. We were long time drinking buddies and now we're beginning a whole new phase in our relationship. Finding new ways to spend our evenings, actually talking to each other, and listening to each other. Listening...that's a whole new concept! When we were both wasted we never did that! We are learning about ourselves and sharing what we have discovered.
It is awesome....and a bit scary. I'm hoping he will still like me underneath all the alcohol fuelled bravado. We are being gentle with each other, knowing that it isn't easy to give up that crutch or mask we hid behind. We both find it difficult at different times so can be there either as a support or to provide space if needed. This is so grown up. I'm a 48 year old woman who is 17 emotionally. I'm learning that my needs do not always come first, and so is he. We check up on each other all the time, how are we doing? Lots of hugs, lots of love. This is an adult relationship at its very earliest stages.
My kids have noticed and are growing too. We are there for them, physically and emotionally.
We are becoming an honest, sharing, open family unit.
It still feels very fragile. But it is real. And that is what life is about.
Thankyou all for setting me off and supporting me on this journey. You are the best xxx
I'm 9 days sober, my husband joined me last weekend and is now 8 days clear of it. We were long time drinking buddies and now we're beginning a whole new phase in our relationship. Finding new ways to spend our evenings, actually talking to each other, and listening to each other. Listening...that's a whole new concept! When we were both wasted we never did that! We are learning about ourselves and sharing what we have discovered.
It is awesome....and a bit scary. I'm hoping he will still like me underneath all the alcohol fuelled bravado. We are being gentle with each other, knowing that it isn't easy to give up that crutch or mask we hid behind. We both find it difficult at different times so can be there either as a support or to provide space if needed. This is so grown up. I'm a 48 year old woman who is 17 emotionally. I'm learning that my needs do not always come first, and so is he. We check up on each other all the time, how are we doing? Lots of hugs, lots of love. This is an adult relationship at its very earliest stages.
My kids have noticed and are growing too. We are there for them, physically and emotionally.
We are becoming an honest, sharing, open family unit.
It still feels very fragile. But it is real. And that is what life is about.
Thankyou all for setting me off and supporting me on this journey. You are the best xxx
Think of your relationship this way, you're 17 and he's probably about the same. You're having a teenage relationship. You can both grow together, if you're both willing to compromise, realizing that neither one of you are completely right.
It's a wonderful feeling to be alive with people you love and love you in return. Congrats on your 9 and 8 day birthdays. Each day is important and entirely new. Keep with it, it's definitely worth it
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Originally Posted by Jeni26
I feel do lucky to have the support I've found on this forum, and am forever amazed that someone always says exactly what you need to hear at exactly the right time.
Thankyou all. I'm privileged to know you xxx
Thankyou all. I'm privileged to know you xxx
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