holdon

Hello all here is the situation im 25 my wife is 32 we have been together for two yeas and have 10 month old son. the pregnancy was very hard for both of us and we were not planning to have a baby so soon but it is a blessing. After the prevnancy we both have been lettinv loose and about 6 months we startedcoke like every teo Weeks. she takes meds for depression and if she has more than two drinks she ends up losing her control And she wants to get coke. I tried to say no for a while but then I decided that it might be fun but I realize my body CAn recover quicker than hers we take good care of our bAby but when have a day off we give the baby to my mom. We both want to stop and we both regret it everytime we only do it when we start drinking. We dont have many friends where we are and her family is in Italy and we sometimes use the excuses like we dont do it all the time but I feel like im enabiling her iam strongrr than her but yet when the oppurtunity arises its hard to get off the subject. Today is day one of our sobriety what can we do to stay off cocaine Any thing will help . If you need more info let Me know . P.s I. Keep saying its our last time now its hard for her to trust me that I can stop I sant us to do this before we have to talk to our fAmily

gunther84

There is not trick or secret. Don't buy it anymore and you wont do it anymore. Look up some NA meetings in your area and give the baby to your mom and go together. Do it for yourself and your child. Also, coke aint cheap, so think of all the money you are wasting and you only end up feeling regret afterwards.

holdon

Thank u for your help we will look into na and go together

Veritas1

You mentioned drinking being a problem. You could find an AA group and go as well as the NA.

Healthyfood

holdon

I used to use some coke too. I quit 6 years ago. Never tried it again. Its a dangerous drug, highly addictive. What made me stop was the fact that small pack of coke was empty by 9 am and it was time to deal with the fact that there was no more left.
This is what made me stop. Silly, but it helped me.

miko67

The drinking gives you the temtation for the coke. I was the same mate. I just stopped drinking.

instant

It all sounds like not a good way to start parenthood.

can't see it working long term.

I wish you peace with whatever you choose to do.

holdon

btw we live on miami beach now we just moved away from her home town in italy. i ahve a feeling that it would be better to move back. i feel like a failure because we wanted to start are own life here without the help and the pressure of her family. italian families are very close and they advised against going and now we will have to return and i feel like a failure. if we do leave its in 8 weeks so im thinking if i can makesure we stay sober for these 8 weeks i will feel better about returning.

Programmatic

It is impossible to "make sure we stay sober".

My sobriety is not contingent on anyone else's and I have zero control over whether any other person remains sober.

A good way to jeopardize my own sobriety is to start fixating on someone else's sobriety or lack thereof.

Weasel1966

Holdon I could have written that post ... Except for e kid part... Lol

I never do coke unless I drink. I needed to stop drinking all together to get things where they need to be.

If I have any alcohol I will want coke. I have stopped drinking. I have six days sober.

Sobriety in a relationship can be tough. You both need to want it.

Moving back does not solve anything. I moved from Maine to new York. Thought that would solve the problem. But you will need to be sober either here or there.

Best to you and your wife.

holdon

i understand we both need to to di for ourselves but its hard when you are a marries couple you become a part of each other and so we dont want to stay separate on this journey we both want to go forward together. we both want it and sometimes she will say n and sometimes i will say no but being sober is hard sometimes if there is nothing to do we just need to start a hobby or something idk. thanks guys

Aquarius2779

What is the reason you use coke?

Is it because you want to party with it?

Or is it because you feel that it helps your sex life?

Sorry if I got too personal. A lot of couples use drugs that help their sex lives. I know there are plenty of couples out there that do XTC to improve their sex life.

sugarbear1

As a special ed teacher I've seen the consequnces when a child ingests justa tiny bit of cocaine. Plus, it takes 7 years for an adult's brain to create new pathways because of the damage in the brain from even a few uses.

I hope you both stay stopped!

Dee74

some great advice here holdon - I hope you and your wife will explore NA.
Best of luck to you both

D

holdon

No not at all actualky its the oppoisite we dont have sex when we are on it. Ithink ws spend all day with the baby and when we get a break we feel we need a drink and this is whede it starts the we start to fhink about getting more ****** up cUse maybe we dont have nothing else to do and she can never go home drunk for some for some reaason she cant sleep so she stays up and constantly ask me to grt some coke thats if we drink to much and just go home so yeah

holdon

Thank you anvilhead I agree 100 percent right we love being with.our child and We miss him.when hes gone and its not worth it we both want to stop . And yes we use him as an excuse because he is the easiest baby in the world he sleep through the night and smiles all the time . Idk if its we werent ready to be parents but we wouldnt change it

ACT10Npack

Would be a good time to talk to a doctor about this. I have never did coke before but I do go on benders with alcohol. It's not a fun thing. Try a recovery program or maybe try a new activities. Stay away from your dealers. Don't go around where he/she lives and lose their number. If alcohol is a trigger for coke then stop using it. I'm not a pro at this. Longest I've been sober was 3 months. Been sobering up since Sunday. It's not a fun thing to sober up but the earlier you stop the easier it will be. Good luck on your road to recovery. Welcome to SR!

littlefish

Some alarms should be going off in your head very loudly right now: you just had a baby and started using cocaine.
When I put the word baby and cocaine in the same sentence, I get a chill down my spine. It is a relief therefore to read in the end of your post that you both are trying to quit drinking and using.
A return to Italy does not have to mean failure: if you are both rather isolated in the states, going back to Italy could give your wife the family support she needs to stay sober and clean, and it could provide you with new opportunities.

choublak

You may feel like a failure, but there are a lot of people, addicts/alcoholics who have no one because their families have gone completely no contact.

Anna

I hope that you both turn things around and focus on your recovery and your child.

I have to say that I think it's risky for you to be doing this as a couple. Yes, you can support each other, but what if one of you relapses and the other doesn't? Are you prepared to handle that kind of situation?