Another First Day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 1
Another First Day
New here, so I thought I would jump in the deep end of the pool and try to describe where I've been and where I'd like to be.
I turned 40 this year. I began recreational use of alcohol when I was 13 years old. I also began experimenting with drugs around this time. By the time I reached high school, drinking was a large part of my social practices. I was an underachiever and I did not attend college after graduating high school. I worked and partied nightly. I met my wife at the age of 22 and we were married a few years later. I was drinking quite a bit but my drug use stopped. I attended college, graduated with honors and started working in the corporate world. My drinking continued and intensified. About 6 years ago I quit drinking cold turkey. I attended a few AA meetings but honestly just felt out of place. I was sober until 2009 when my wife was diagnosed with brain cancer. I began drinking pretty regularly again. The last three years have been incredibly difficult, dealing with my wife's illness and the impending ailments, treatments, hospital stays and general life changes. I am now right back where I started in my battle against addiction. I drink once or twice a week and I get blindingly drunk. I smoke pot also. My wife is overwhelmed with anxiety as it is, my drinking is simply a source of more worry and ugliness in her life.
Last night I spent another evening at the bar and I came home late and out of control drunk. Although it feels like another day of regret (God there have been so many), I need to take a stand and get my life back. I'm still not convinced that AA is the answer for me. I just need to get my head back on straight. I need to quit stopping at the bar. I need to be honest with myself and truly KNOW that I cannot control my drinking. I need to stop abusing my wife's trust. I need to be a better husband. I need to be a better man.
I turned 40 this year. I began recreational use of alcohol when I was 13 years old. I also began experimenting with drugs around this time. By the time I reached high school, drinking was a large part of my social practices. I was an underachiever and I did not attend college after graduating high school. I worked and partied nightly. I met my wife at the age of 22 and we were married a few years later. I was drinking quite a bit but my drug use stopped. I attended college, graduated with honors and started working in the corporate world. My drinking continued and intensified. About 6 years ago I quit drinking cold turkey. I attended a few AA meetings but honestly just felt out of place. I was sober until 2009 when my wife was diagnosed with brain cancer. I began drinking pretty regularly again. The last three years have been incredibly difficult, dealing with my wife's illness and the impending ailments, treatments, hospital stays and general life changes. I am now right back where I started in my battle against addiction. I drink once or twice a week and I get blindingly drunk. I smoke pot also. My wife is overwhelmed with anxiety as it is, my drinking is simply a source of more worry and ugliness in her life.
Last night I spent another evening at the bar and I came home late and out of control drunk. Although it feels like another day of regret (God there have been so many), I need to take a stand and get my life back. I'm still not convinced that AA is the answer for me. I just need to get my head back on straight. I need to quit stopping at the bar. I need to be honest with myself and truly KNOW that I cannot control my drinking. I need to stop abusing my wife's trust. I need to be a better husband. I need to be a better man.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: AZ
Posts: 247
I am glad you posted. I am so sorry about your wife and her illness. You have made the right decision. Welcome to S/R. We are here for you to support and encourage you on your path to sober living.
Love and Blessings
Chrisy
Love and Blessings
Chrisy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((WildThing)) - Welcome to SR! I'm so sorry about your wife's illness, but you are right..you all deserve a life that doesn't include getting really drunk.
AA works for a lot of people, but it's not the only way to recover. When I first came here, I read..a lot, and saw "my story" in a lot of other posts. It helped to discover that I wasn't alone and how others work their recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
AA works for a lot of people, but it's not the only way to recover. When I first came here, I read..a lot, and saw "my story" in a lot of other posts. It helped to discover that I wasn't alone and how others work their recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome WildThing1271...Sorry about your wife's illness....Sorry about what you're putting her through...I know that well. I ended up losing mine....And I take the blame for that. I don't know what to recommend for you...AA is the only thing that worked for me. You might want to look into Rational Recovery...AVRT....SMART...Lifering....There are other ways besides AA....Do some research here...Ask some questions...I hope you find something...Because I know that's a hard way to go through life. Glad you are here.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I think you know what you need to do. The question is how you are going do it.
When I went to AA I found I was not like those people either. I only had one thing in common with them. I could not control my drinking. The idea that “they are not like me” was just a convenient excuse to continue to try to “quit” on my own. What I was really afraid of was that it would work! The idea of not being able to use alcohol to deal with life was far too difficult to come to grips with. So …. in a back door sort of way I went back to a method with a proven track record of failure. It was the old tried and true I’ll-do-it my-way-on-my-own approach. Sure enough, it had the same eventual results it always did.
When I came in to AA I was an atheist, a professional, better looking and twice as smart as most there. What I found were people dealing with problems at least as bad as mine and were doing it with equanimity.
They were ready to accept me but it was I who could to accept them, nor the idea that I needed to attempt something that might actually work.
When I went to AA I found I was not like those people either. I only had one thing in common with them. I could not control my drinking. The idea that “they are not like me” was just a convenient excuse to continue to try to “quit” on my own. What I was really afraid of was that it would work! The idea of not being able to use alcohol to deal with life was far too difficult to come to grips with. So …. in a back door sort of way I went back to a method with a proven track record of failure. It was the old tried and true I’ll-do-it my-way-on-my-own approach. Sure enough, it had the same eventual results it always did.
When I came in to AA I was an atheist, a professional, better looking and twice as smart as most there. What I found were people dealing with problems at least as bad as mine and were doing it with equanimity.
They were ready to accept me but it was I who could to accept them, nor the idea that I needed to attempt something that might actually work.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi WildThing1271 
I really understand you wanting to be a better man - I spent years being ashamed of who I was because of my drinking.
One of the really great things about recovery is I can look myself in the face in the mirror again - and no matter how you decide to get there, thats a great place to be
You'll find a lot of support here - welcome
D
I really understand you wanting to be a better man - I spent years being ashamed of who I was because of my drinking.
One of the really great things about recovery is I can look myself in the face in the mirror again - and no matter how you decide to get there, thats a great place to be
You'll find a lot of support here - welcome
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome Wild. So sorry for all you're going through right now. As you already know, drinking to numb ourselves against the pain ends up backfiring. We only create more misery, dread, & remorse. Just the opposite of what we're seeking when we decide to have 'a few'.
As you said, you need to truly KNOW you can't control your drinking. That was what finally dawned on me - and why, after 30+ yrs. I was able to stop pretending I could use willpower to moderate. In the end I thought, "Oh, I see how it is - there's never going to be one - only ten or more - and oblivion." You will get there! We want to help.
As you said, you need to truly KNOW you can't control your drinking. That was what finally dawned on me - and why, after 30+ yrs. I was able to stop pretending I could use willpower to moderate. In the end I thought, "Oh, I see how it is - there's never going to be one - only ten or more - and oblivion." You will get there! We want to help.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome WildThing -
I'm a much better person when I'm sober, too......when I was drinking, the anxiety/depression and hangovers made life so much harder.
Getting honest and reaching out for help are major steps in this process, so give yourself a pat on the back for being here!
I'm a much better person when I'm sober, too......when I was drinking, the anxiety/depression and hangovers made life so much harder.
Getting honest and reaching out for help are major steps in this process, so give yourself a pat on the back for being here!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Welcome to SR!
Dee made a very good point. One of the things I've valued most about the last year of my life is that without alcohol there is nothing (or at least very little) that I need to be ashamed of. I'm slowly losing those "I'm not worth it" feelings. With alcohol I was functioning...but that was the extent of it...since quitting I've taken on and done things I'd only dreamed of doing in the past. I'm a different person now - someone who can look anyone in the eye and stride confidently wherever I go.
AA wasn't an immediate fit for me either - I've used AVRT and have done well with it.
Good luck with everything. You can do this.
Dee made a very good point. One of the things I've valued most about the last year of my life is that without alcohol there is nothing (or at least very little) that I need to be ashamed of. I'm slowly losing those "I'm not worth it" feelings. With alcohol I was functioning...but that was the extent of it...since quitting I've taken on and done things I'd only dreamed of doing in the past. I'm a different person now - someone who can look anyone in the eye and stride confidently wherever I go.
AA wasn't an immediate fit for me either - I've used AVRT and have done well with it.
Good luck with everything. You can do this.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
AA is not the only road to take to get to sobriety, in fact they only built that road in the 30s, and people have been kicking the drink for a while before then, I'm sure.
There are other paths you can take you to your goal of a sober, serene life, that might fit you better. Which one you pick will not be as important as what the result will be: a Wildthing1271 who will be able to be present for himself and for his wife during this difficult time. Acceptance and understanding will come to you only if you are sober. Keep posting here, there is support for you at SR.
There are other paths you can take you to your goal of a sober, serene life, that might fit you better. Which one you pick will not be as important as what the result will be: a Wildthing1271 who will be able to be present for himself and for his wife during this difficult time. Acceptance and understanding will come to you only if you are sober. Keep posting here, there is support for you at SR.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Welcome to SR WildThing.
Sorry to read about your wife's medical concerns and your return to drinking/pot.
I just want to let you know that with AA or not, you can make the changes you need to make to live free from alcohol. What can help is having a recovery plan of action that you commit yourself to. Continued participation here at SR can be part of that plan.
I'm grateful that was not true for me and a whole bunch of other addicts I know. 
The sad truth is the "I’ll-do-it my-way-on-my-own approach" and AA can fail a person. As no single way to recover from addiction will work for everybody.
Sorry to read about your wife's medical concerns and your return to drinking/pot.
I just want to let you know that with AA or not, you can make the changes you need to make to live free from alcohol. What can help is having a recovery plan of action that you commit yourself to. Continued participation here at SR can be part of that plan.
Originally Posted by awuh1 
I went back to a method with a proven track record of failure. It was the old tried and true I’ll-do-it my-way-on-my-own approach. Sure enough, it had the same eventual results it always did.
I'm grateful that was not true for me and a whole bunch of other addicts I know. 
The sad truth is the "I’ll-do-it my-way-on-my-own approach" and AA can fail a person. As no single way to recover from addiction will work for everybody.
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