4ml

and if not... why ?

Mm1231xx

I think every addict/alcoholic has thought about suicide in one way or another. Maybe not thought about actually DOING it, but thought about it. When you hit that rock bottom and feel everything's crumbling down on you & there's nothing left to live for, it's like do I keep binging, should I just die? Thankfully all of us here saw the light and knew we needed to recover before drastic measures like that needed to be taken. Drugs and alcohol cloud your brain. I'm so happy I didn't commit suicide, although it was an option many of times. I just sat on my balcony right now, drank a cup of coffee and smoked a cigarette while admiring the beauty of life and nature. I'm blessed to be able to do that and it would be selfish to have taken that away.

Jeni26

I think its very common. I spent last Christmas planning mine through all the festivities.
I went to my doctor and got help and am now planning a future without alcohol which is the biggest depressant of all.
If you are feeling suicidal please seek help immediately. There is treatment available. We are all very supportive here but cannot treat depression.
We are all addicts and looking for help. SR is one strand of support but suicidal thoughts need medical intervention.
Please look after yourself x

Elisabeth888

Only when I was drunk.

I would suggest talking to a doctor.

tomsteve

after my last drunk, was when i fully conceded drugs and alcohol were the problem in my life. i narrowed my choices down to 2: go to AA or kill myself. it wasnt just about the drinkin. i hated me. went to AA and started doin what the poeple there and the big books says to do. that started in april 05. still here, no longer have a drinkin problem and dont hate myself or life. sobriety rocks!!!!

Soberween

Sounds like a question that has been asked backwards. Makes me think you are thinking about it. I hope this isn't the case, but here is the sticky note if you are:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

lydiebreeze

I'm with Elisabeth - I only thought/talked/attempted it when I was drunk or coming off of a drunk.
2 Thanksgivings ago I completely ruined the festivities - (and I don't remember this) by announcing during a board game that I was going to kill myself and that I was mad at my father for not having his handgun under the seat like he normally does. I had actually been fantasizing about that scenario for a while - thank GOD we were in a state where he couldn't carry a gun around in the car - I might have done it - and it would have been directly due to being drunk as a skunk.
I've had 2 friends commit suicide in the last 10 years and I can tell you that it is one of the most devastating things for friends and family - you never really get over it.
If you are feeling suicidal I strongly urge you to seek the help you need. Please, please, please!!!

4ml

thanks everyone... I'm just feeling down and feel like there isn't much to live for.


Of course... I'm drinking at the time and my dad passed away a week ago.

CraigA

It is hard to work with depression alone and without a doctors advice. No one really knows you and what you are going through, seek -medical attention- did you just relapse, or do you feel life is a rut and you can't get out? When I finally came at my emotional bottom I also gave my self two aternatives first kill myself because life was unmanageable-no place to live (first time being actually homeless on the streets), no friends or family, couldn't work, so who cares if i am gone? right? or the other ask for help, well I guess you figured it out i asked for help!

When I first came in the program and in a half-way house the doctor put me on a medication for awhile I tried to fight this but you know when you ask for help and it comes well don't fight it! I stayed on this mned. for about a year and then came off it! Did i actually need it well I am still sober so I am not questioning it, I followed directions of other people who were more qualified thatn me and other people who were more experienced thsn me also (sober people with quality time). :ghug3God bless you on your journey in life!

releaseme

I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad, but I know your dad would want you to live.
I only thought about suicide when i drank or when I was extremely depressed. Hang in there, you need to seek the help and it does get better.

LoftyIdeals

4 ml...please make a call to a suicide hotline, or call a trusted friend or a trusted fellow alcoholic. You should be around people right now to help you focus properly on life. The death of a loved one is very difficult to process sober, and even more so while drinking. So, reach out, get help, and clear your mind, so you can properly grieve for your father. And don't even consider making the rest of those grieving your fathers passing to grieve yours, too. That's not fair to anyone. Please, get help.

bluoval

Agreed with what others have said here, my thoughts of wishing for the end were always after I'd been drinking/drugging. There is indeed hope. Don't give up! Alcoholics Anonymous can be an excellent option.

4ml

You guys are great... and I'm glad I came hear to talk. You have such great insight.

Thanks for listening and giving me someone to talk to.

tomsteve

theres strength in numbers. my condolences to you and your on the loss of your father.
through personal experince when my dad died, i am gonna guess the alcohol isnt helping make anything better.

24hrsAday

^ sorry for your loss 4ml that must be very difficult losing your dad. i wish you peace. drinking only made me feel worse as my Alcoholism progressed. today things are much better after years of being clean and sober.. it still hurts though to lose someone.

4ml

Thank you for your thoughts... you guys are too kind.

I hate being an alcoholic and not being able to express my feelings to my family and friends.


I'll go sometimes up to 2 years without talking to my family due to my drinking.

Elisabeth888

When we are depressed., we feel like it is going to be like that forever, but it isn't!

I am sorry for your loss! I'm willing to bet that your Dad would want you to be sober and happy.

HitRockBottom70

4ml,
To answer your question, yes. But it was when I was drinking or coming down from drinking. It really messes with your mind. In the weeks I have been sober, not once. Have I been depressed at times? Yes, but you handle it better sober because it does not seem like the end of the world and you can better see the reasons to live.

Please don't drink anymore. It is doing you no good. Have someone stay with you for a while, you sound like you are in a fragile state. See your doctor or call a hotline if you still feel this way.

I am so sorry about that loss of your father. It must weigh on your soul heavily.
I wish you strength in this time of great loss.

Db1105

My first 6 months were real tough with suicidal thoughts. I had to cross a huge bridge going to outpatient therapy and had to fight myself not to pull over and jump off each time. They gradually went away. I can't control my thoughts but I can control what I do with them.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss 4ml.

I hope you will read some of the stuff in that link posted before...there's a lot of phone numbers too.

We also have a Grief and Loss forum you might like to post in and look at.

The main thing I think of when I look back to when I was suicidal in my 20s is...how much of my life, how many wonderful things, how many pivotal experiences I would have missed.

I was absolutely 100% sure then that life would never get any better for me...ever......but I was absolutely 100% wrong.

Please don't judge your future by the way you feel, or the way you see things today, 4ml.

Have you considered grief counselling at all?

I hope you'll stop drinking too...there's nothing worse to screw with our perceptions our self and our world than getting drunk...particularly if you stay that way for a while.

There's a lot of support here - please use it
D