Mm1231xx

So I'm not sure how long it is until I'm not considered a "newcomer" to recovery anymore, but I do know I'm a long way from it. & you know what? I'm totally OK with that! This is my 2nd time getting sober after 3 years, and it's been a looooong three years. I was sober a little while through those 3 years, I was sober a few months when I was with my ex, then I had my amazing son, and I was sober a few months after his birth, so I'd say I was active during 2 of those 3 years. At a meeting last night, a man asked me how my "vacation" was, and I took a second to think about it. I thought about how it was just like any other vacation that goes on too long: First it's fun and good to be away from the serious reality of life, then you peak & feel like you're on top of the world. Then after that climax, the fun isn't so fun anymore & the vacation is just dragging out now. So after thinking I looked at him and said, "It feels good to be home." & the pride I felt when I said that was just overwhelming. I didn't feel like this the first time I got sober. I was only 18 back then and even though I wanted to get clean, it wasn't really my main concern. Sure, I worked the steps, but I didn't take my time with them. Step 6 talks about asking God to remove your defects of character, and my idea of completing step 6 was looking at the ceiling and saying, "Hey, God, it's me. Please remove my defects." Ok, step 6, check, on to step 7. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I was thinking that if I did all 12 steps I could go back out into the world and drink/use like a normal person. Boy, was I wrong. It took me a long 6 weeks to even complete step 1. Sure, I knew I was powerless over my addiction, but I still continued to drink because I really thought my life could still be managable like that. Finally, after hitting rock bottom, I woke up and realized it just couldn't be true. Now I'm on to step 2 but I'm a very confused person when it comes to higher power, but that's OK. I have 200 years to complete the steps so I'm going to take my time and take all the time I need to focus on my recovery. Why rush it? There's no good reason to speed through the program. I'm going to be cliche' here & say that I'm going to take this all one day at a time and for once in my life, for once in my recovery, I'm perfectly fine with that.

Sapling

Good for you....I know what you are talking about....Like a light going on. Conrats to you on one week!!...And many more to come...One day at a time.

CactusJill

Congrats on one week, MM! I know what you mean about getting sober for kids - I didn't drink during any of my pregnancies and I managed to stay sober for a little while after each of their births. But I had to want to do it for me to make it stick!!