MycoolFitz

Just sitting here watching a great documentary on The Band, feeling good and heart-felt and all's right with the world when a sunami of depression rolled over me out of nowhere for no reason it seems. I felt it, accepted it, shook it off like water on a wet dog, took a few breaths and went back to The Band, feeling different but OK. What I didn't do was drown it in booze without giving it a chance to go on it's own. I'm slowly learning whatever come, goes and what ever goes comes again, it's a natural cycle of emotions if I don't short circuit the process with self-medication. I'm viewing the documentary somewhat differently now but it's all good. A little sobriety Tao I reckon.

Ranger

Sobriety Tao indeed!

bloss

Let the feeling go by like the wind...don't hold onto it...

MycoolFitz

The aftershocks of depression keep washing onto shore with all the floatsom of the crap of my life and I am so tempted just to say F**k It once again. The damn thing is after the ride nothing will be better or have gone away, it'll just be worse and I'll be worse. It's kind of tough when my escape raft is not only full of holes but when I know it is. I just gotta keep walking even when walking through all this feels so hard sometimes. I just have to keep my faith in myself, the process, my SR family and other support and realize in my heart I',m not slogging along on my own. The only real problem with depression is that it's depressing. Picking up a depressant to deal with the depressing depression is just down right really nuts. Just writing this like a message in a bottle and tossing it out there figuring it'll float up somewheres.

Purplecatlover

Fitz, sorry you feel depressed. Try watching a comedy or write out a gratitude list.
Look at pictures of puppies & kittens. It sounds corny but animals always make me smile. They remind me of naive innocence. They just are.... Cute & cuddly & they don't even know it
Smile Fitz! A bad day sober is way better than a good day drunk!

MycoolFitz

Thanks, it's corny but I'm watching a baseball movie, I used to love to play the game.

LDT

Your message in a bottle floated my way, Fitz. I'm 16 months sober now and I still have those days sometimes. Only, they really aren't full days any longer, and they are definitely better than the alternative. I just acknowledge the feeling and try to move past it. Every day I work on trying to change the way I think about things....my perceptions. And I always come back to knowing, without a doubt, that in my life, nothing was ever made better by drinking. Quite the opposite.

MycoolFitz

At least it wasn't a liquor bottle. Things are so much better than just awhile ago. Every hour sober I learn it's not about just not drinking, it's about moving on. It's not just living life, it's embrassing life. I had my first drink at 11, given to me by my dad. I'm 65 now. I'm not good at math but I figure most of my life I was the ship in the bottle. I know there is one thing I really want--since I'm going to die at some point I want to die sober. I'm not being morose. My dad sobered in his 70's and died a sober man. He had a tough death, failed liver, etc. but until that time he was a happy contented man and a wonderful father and grandfather. I need that for me. I am reaching out for support and everywhere I reach someone is there to take my hand. I am so blessed to know people care and are there. My beach metaphor, I have footprints to follow and that helps more than you can know.

theysayimcrazy

so weird, this just happened to me. i was feeling okay, feeling encouraged reading some posts on here, then like you said, out of nowhere - depression. maybe i should've gone to that meeting after all.. night time is always the worst for me. or maybe it's the negative music i'm listening to? hahah... hang in there

MycoolFitz

In moments of discouragement, defeat, or even despair, there are always certain things to cling to. Little things usually: remembered laughter, the face of a sleeping child, a tree in the wind—in fact, any reminder of something deeply felt or dearly loved. No man is so poor as not to have many of these small candles. When they are lighted, darkness goes away—and a touch of wonder remains.

"These Small Candles" ...tombstone inscription in Britain

Dee74

Hope you're feeling better now Fitz...I thoroughly recommend some Jerry Garcia bluegrass tunes for the blues

D

MycoolFitz

I was trying to IM you DEE but there are about 3,000 Dee's, wanted to know how you were doing and give you my best thoughts, such as they are.

MycoolFitz

I was actually listening to the Allman Brothers and ZZ Top

Dee74

LOL it's probably best just to PM me here Fitz

I'm doing ok - my friend inspires me with his attitude...the least I can do is be equally positive and upbeat, I think

D

CactusJill

The wave of depression (or anxiety) hits me too, Fitz. Sometimes it is completely triggered by nothing that I can determine, so I just think it is the chemicals in my brain adjusting to the lack of alcohol. My therapist said it can take a long time for the brain chemistry to right itself.

But thinking that it is just part of the process of getting sober makes me feel better.