Luling

My kids weren't around last night.
They'll never know.

At day 11 of sobriety I was doing well, very happy.
If I really had a drinking problem, I wouldn't be doing this well.

I was alone with my husband, his booze, and my AV.
I miss hanging out with my husband, having a drink on the patio.

I had told myself I was finished with alcohol, it wasn't an option, I have a problem, etc. I'm so good at lying to myself, because I really believed this. I don't think I'll drink tonight, but I'm not sure I believe myself.

I have a headache and feel like crap. I'm going for a walk now; some fresh air would be nice. Obviously I need to do some stuff differently, will think about that when the fog clears.

lydiebreeze

Luling
Been there - done that - lots and lots of times.
Please try not to beat yourself up too much.
when I've screwed up after a few days or weeks I've ended up on long benders because I threw the towel in.
So you were human, you fell down a little - treat yourself WELL today - and know that your 11 days aren't for nothing.
Sending good vibes
Lydie

Dee74

I'm glad you're back.

A lot of us have false starts. The important thing is to get right back up.
Drinkings never a solution.

We all get those rationalisations - the important thing to remember is that any thought that suggests drinking is a good idea is a lie.

I'm sure you have enough proof in your history, just as I do

Drinking needs to cease to be a viable option.

If you're having trouble with that maybe you need more support, or more guidance?...think about what else you can add to what you've been doing....

you can do this Luling - don't get discouraged.

D

scrambled2012

crewisms

Luling, I'm sorry for your stumble. But I'm happy you shared it with us! That takes courage and shows you're in touch with yourself. Like lydie said, treat yourself well.

I remember the "beer in the fridge" post a couple days ago. I can't imagine how I'd work through having alcohol in my house while trying to stay sober, but I know there are a lot of folks in here that can share their experiences to help you find your way.

You made it 11 days! To your AV I say

Anna

It sounds like you've learned something from this experience and what will work for you and what won't.

I'm so glad you're back.

auden67

Hugs! Lydia is so right, your 11 days weren't for nothing and still matter and count on the road to sobriety. Learn from the yuck feelings you are having now and keep looking forward! Maybe think a lot about what you really loved about sobriety, let it reinforce you. Hugs! You are definitely not alone here.

2granddaughters

AA's "How It Works" describes alcohol as "Cunning, baffling, powerful".

I found AA helped me get sober and stay sober.

Thank you for sharing. I wish you the best in your recovery program.

Bob R

forabetterlife

Luling, I've been there too. Just try to remember how you feel right now and compare it with how you felt the past 11 days. Which do you want more?
It's hard to feel like you are starting all over, but the sooner you do it, the sooner you will feel good again.
Learn from what lead you down that path, and let it help you keep from going there again.

Sapling

I'm glad you are back Luling...And you didn't need 6 months or a year to figure out it doesn't work for you. Be positive...Learn from it....Do what you have to do to stay sober. That's the most important thing in your life right now. Just keep moving forward.

Elisabeth888

Today is a new day! DON'T make it into a two day run.

Luling

Yesterday was a good day, but it was the kind of day that leaves me feeling like a want a drink at the end of it. I knew I would be feeling weak but didn't do anything to prepare for it. I let my guard down; I didn't feel like fighting it.

I don't like the idea of AA, but maybe I should be more open minded. I want to be sober so badly.

crewisms

You can do this!

desertsong

Luling, every day we manage to live without alcohol is a day of victory. You had 11 days - that's 11 days of victory. All is not lost ... you've shown yourself that you can do this. You had a moment of weakness where you let your AV win; few among us haven't done the same. As a former retread myself, I know how easy it is to get there. But you gotta keep pluggin' on. I've learned that the voice in my head that wants me to drink is just that .... a voice. It has no power unless I give it power. The times I've given into it have taught me a lot - mainly, that I still have a lot of work to do. And that's okay. Recovery is a process not an event. So today, get back to business and take a reflective look at what you can be doing differently that will make this thing stick.

You're back. You're still trying. You're not out of the game. You'll get it eventually. Be kind to yourself today.

JimJim

Hey Luling, I dipped my feet back into the water recently too and I saw that it was dirty. I gained strength from it and learned from it, Hope you do to. Thank you for having the courage to share aswell.

Jeni26

My heart goes out to you Luling. I did the same last week and I know how you feel today. Don't give up. I'm on day 8 again and I feel a new resolve I didn't even know I had!
You have written many insightful encouraging words to others, now is time to take stock and listen to us when we tell you how much we care and value you.
We CAN beat this thing, I am sure of it. So hard when living with a drinker I know, but it can be done.
We are with you my friend. Take the weekend to reflect on what YOU want and what you deserve.
Lots of love and hugs xxx

FrenchPink

Hey, Luling. Ditto on what Jeni said about your "insightful encouraging words to others." You've been an integral part of our sobriety strength in our May class. Relapse is common, and I've been the master of do-overs for 20+ years, but don't let it become who you are. We can beat this. Have courage, sober sister. We're all right here for you.

2granddaughters

Alcoholics Anonymous not only addresses the drinking but also why I drank....

I have a 5% drinking problem and a 95% thinking problem.

My alcoholism is an "is'm" ... not a "was'm"

No cure but a daily reprieve.

All the best.

Bob R

sugarbear1

xa-speakers.org

It's a meeting on the computer.

Maybe find an online Alcoholics Anonymous book to read....

I'm glad you have an awesome attitude! You can stay stopped!! I KNOW you can. It takes trying to do it...

Hugs,

Sapling

Here is the Big Book online...Can't hurt you to look at it. I found out it was a book about me.

The text of Alcoholics Anonymous