Confused and sad
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
Confused and sad
I woke this morning terrified of the dream I had. I drunk in my dream. I regretted it so much like never in my life. It felt like the end of everything.
It was just a dream. But today I feel like on day 1.
The second part of my day is not better at all. I met my ex as I still have feelings. So we had a nice evening together. I asked him not to bring any booze because of my healthy life style.
He did not bring any.
The problem is that he wants to live together, which is fine. I explained that Im sober now and would like to stay that way. I asked him if he would like to join me and be sober too. He is not a heavy drinker. Likes his beer (1-2) on weekends. But for me its a lot.
For the first time I feel so unsafe and sad. There is no way I can handle this. How come I can be with him and face those couple beers.
Depressed and confused...thats how I feel.
It was just a dream. But today I feel like on day 1.
The second part of my day is not better at all. I met my ex as I still have feelings. So we had a nice evening together. I asked him not to bring any booze because of my healthy life style.
He did not bring any.
The problem is that he wants to live together, which is fine. I explained that Im sober now and would like to stay that way. I asked him if he would like to join me and be sober too. He is not a heavy drinker. Likes his beer (1-2) on weekends. But for me its a lot.
For the first time I feel so unsafe and sad. There is no way I can handle this. How come I can be with him and face those couple beers.
Depressed and confused...thats how I feel.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 274
Hey Healthy
I have no solution for you as you are the only one who can find that. Just wanted to say hi and hope that you will feel better and find your way. I remember asking my sponsor who has been sober for 11 years if she has ever been able to date men who drink and her answer was yes. I guess it comes down to that our sobriety being our sobriety and regardless of what others do we are only responsible for ourselves.
The best of luck with whatever path you choose :-)
I have no solution for you as you are the only one who can find that. Just wanted to say hi and hope that you will feel better and find your way. I remember asking my sponsor who has been sober for 11 years if she has ever been able to date men who drink and her answer was yes. I guess it comes down to that our sobriety being our sobriety and regardless of what others do we are only responsible for ourselves.
The best of luck with whatever path you choose :-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Hi,
When I have drinking dreams I am extremely grateful that I did not drink. Try not to dwell on it. You DIDN'T drink and that is what is important.
If you are having doubts about co-habitating DON"T DO IT!
When I have drinking dreams I am extremely grateful that I did not drink. Try not to dwell on it. You DIDN'T drink and that is what is important.
If you are having doubts about co-habitating DON"T DO IT!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Healthy,
Wow aren't,t those dream vivid, the relief you feel knowing it was just a dream.
Do you thnk getting back with your ex may jepordize your sobriety?
Why does he have to move in? couldn't you date for a while?
I
Healthyfoof you have been doing so well albeit struggling, as we all are. listen to your self.
You have reservations.
Love
caiHong
Wow aren't,t those dream vivid, the relief you feel knowing it was just a dream.
Do you thnk getting back with your ex may jepordize your sobriety?
Why does he have to move in? couldn't you date for a while?
I
Healthyfoof you have been doing so well albeit struggling, as we all are. listen to your self.
You have reservations.
Love
caiHong
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
I'm sorry the dream upset you HF but like I said elsewhere today I don't think dreams necessarily mean anything.
As far as your ex, if it was me - I'd slow down a little - he's just come back into your life - it seems a little rushed to be talking about living together to me.
If you're having doubts about being able to be around a drinker that's a good enough reason right there to take your time and think about it carefully before manking any decisions
D
As far as your ex, if it was me - I'd slow down a little - he's just come back into your life - it seems a little rushed to be talking about living together to me.
If you're having doubts about being able to be around a drinker that's a good enough reason right there to take your time and think about it carefully before manking any decisions
D
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
CaiHong
My ex is not moving in yet. So I know these things should not be rushed.
Im really not comfortable with the fact that beer might be in his house when I visit him.
No surprise people meet each other at AA meetings and get married as they know that none of them will bring any alco. Happy life.
My ex is not moving in yet. So I know these things should not be rushed.
Im really not comfortable with the fact that beer might be in his house when I visit him.
No surprise people meet each other at AA meetings and get married as they know that none of them will bring any alco. Happy life.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
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Dee
There is not a big chance to meet a sober man. Sober for life man. This makes me scared too.
However, last week some guy told me that he is sober for 17 years. (he is married). They probably do exist.
As of ex its so easy to slip back into old habits unless I have more time to prepare myself to stay strong not matter how much booze is in front of me.
There is not a big chance to meet a sober man. Sober for life man. This makes me scared too.
However, last week some guy told me that he is sober for 17 years. (he is married). They probably do exist.
As of ex its so easy to slip back into old habits unless I have more time to prepare myself to stay strong not matter how much booze is in front of me.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Healthyfood 
Im really not comfortable with the fact that beer might be in his house when I visit him.
No surprise people meet each other at AA meetings and get married as they know that none of them will bring any alco. Happy life.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
Sapling
Your words are very true. I did not realize that actually I am hiding from alco.
But unfortunately its everywhere and there is no way I could hide forever.
I just need to find the tools to face it and not use it.
I don't have any program. I just don't drink and control the urges when they come.
Your words are very true. I did not realize that actually I am hiding from alco.
But unfortunately its everywhere and there is no way I could hide forever.
I just need to find the tools to face it and not use it.
I don't have any program. I just don't drink and control the urges when they come.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
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Originally Posted by Healthyfood
I don't have any program. I just don't drink and control the urges when they come.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
You see this promise?...You honestly work those steps and this will come true...I have no reason to lie to you about that. It came true for me.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
pg 84 - 85 bb
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
pg 84 - 85 bb
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Dee
There is not a big chance to meet a sober man. Sober for life man. This makes me scared too.
However, last week some guy told me that he is sober for 17 years. (he is married). They probably do exist.
There is not a big chance to meet a sober man. Sober for life man. This makes me scared too.
However, last week some guy told me that he is sober for 17 years. (he is married). They probably do exist.
If you're building a house, you build the foundations strong - it's exactly the same with recovery - build the foundations strong and whatever you build on top will last.
Whether or not you go to AA is up to you. There are many other alternatives around, as you know. Find the one that makes sense to you.
I got over my fear of alcohol by building the kind of life I wanted to live and being the person I wanted to be. I can go anywhere and do anything now because I like being sober and I won't give that up.
I stay sober because I love my life, not because I'm too scared to do anything else.
That inner determination to live a certain way starts and ends with you - regardless of whatever method you choose.
I think you need to think about things like that - it takes time...and that's why I recommend you go slowly in adding someone else to the picture.
Work out what you want - not what someone else wants for you
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I stay sober because I love my life, not because I'm too scared to do anything else.
Work out what you want - not what someone else wants for you
Work out what you want - not what someone else wants for you
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
Dee,
My recovery is very important for me. After I saw my ex last night I realized that Im not that strong and I could fall back into bad habits easily. He does not understand what Im going through.
I need fresh start in relationship, which is not possible with someone I ve been with for 8 years.
My recovery is very important for me. After I saw my ex last night I realized that Im not that strong and I could fall back into bad habits easily. He does not understand what Im going through.
I need fresh start in relationship, which is not possible with someone I ve been with for 8 years.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
HF: I have all sorts of anxiety about when and how to date soberly so I know what this stirs up.
But you know what? If I am honest I have anxiety about how to date (to get serious about someone I mean) period, since becoming very unexpectedly single at my age. I can blame it on my sobriety now, but who am I fooling?
Maybe you have reservations about reconnecting with your ex for other valid reasons?
And it is easier to attach it to your sobriety as being the problem?
Whatever the case, your intuition tells you to pause and look within. Your fears of finding a good mate in the future to fit your life are not your intuition. They are your fears. Intuition operates in the present and is always more trustworthy then a fear..
Anyway I admire you seeking counsel from others on something so important.
I have been trying to focus on getting strong internally, and finding out and remembering who I am and what kind of person I am on the inside, so I can learn to express it on the outside. But I like the way Dee and Anna and others expressed it on this thread. You won't have to bend your sobriety for the right person. Neither will I.
I have to believe, that if we build it, our life will come.
But you know what? If I am honest I have anxiety about how to date (to get serious about someone I mean) period, since becoming very unexpectedly single at my age. I can blame it on my sobriety now, but who am I fooling?
Maybe you have reservations about reconnecting with your ex for other valid reasons?
And it is easier to attach it to your sobriety as being the problem?
Whatever the case, your intuition tells you to pause and look within. Your fears of finding a good mate in the future to fit your life are not your intuition. They are your fears. Intuition operates in the present and is always more trustworthy then a fear..
Anyway I admire you seeking counsel from others on something so important.
I have been trying to focus on getting strong internally, and finding out and remembering who I am and what kind of person I am on the inside, so I can learn to express it on the outside. But I like the way Dee and Anna and others expressed it on this thread. You won't have to bend your sobriety for the right person. Neither will I.
I have to believe, that if we build it, our life will come.
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