Feelings for AH changing...

Old 06-01-2012, 12:36 PM
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Feelings for AH changing...

I've been living apart from AH for nearly a month now and it's weird how different I'm feeling. We have counseling again today and I'm feeling a lot of anger toward him. I've been thinking about everything I've been through with him and the occasions he's ruined. I'm also feeling more at peace than I have in years. I'm so relaxed with the kids, and at night it's really nice to have my own space. No one is here to correct me or yell at me for things I do a little bit wrong or forget. AH isn't drinking and he's been really pleasant to deal with. He's visiting the boys every two days or so and he's making sure he gives me money toward taking care of them and myself. He says they seem so much happier now because we aren't fighting.

Anyway, last night he called me to say goodnight and he was telling me about work and it kind of hit me, I asked myself "What is it I've been trying so hard to hold onto?" Him or the idea of him? He mentioned the other day the fact that he never wants to cuddle, and that he does like to, but his resentment toward me has kept him from being loving. It made me so mad that he would say that. After the extremes he's been to...he resents me. Why bother being with someone who resents me? Why be married to someone like this? I've been so loyal and he has the gall to act as if the reason we're apart is me. Sometimes I just don't even like him. It makes me wonder if I've been obsessed with keeping this together for no reason other than my own stubbornness to admit that it's not working
EmmyG is offline  
Old 06-01-2012, 05:09 PM
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Thanks for sharing about your changing feelings! Each time I see someone write about the wave of peace that comes to them when they leave, I feel better that, should it come to that for my relationship, I might sleep well.

Our dreams and hopes and personal wants are hard to let go of, especially since we've invested so much time working toward them. And asking "why" is something a lot of us don't want to do...
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Old 06-01-2012, 07:56 PM
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Now that my AH is not drinking (no program, just not drinking), I'm finding that he's not that great to be around even when he's sober. I'm told that he exhibits signs of being a "dry drunk". My feelings for him are also changing. Sometimes I think life would be impossible without him, and other times I think life would be blissful contentment without him. It's a very confusing state of mind to be in. All we can do is take care of ourselves and concentrate on our own health, happiness, and peace of mind. And let others do the same.
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