Desperatly want to it to end
Desperatly want to it to end
So want to be able to cut down. I now do not believe it is possible.
Day one for me. I am fully functioning during the day, but every night the
martini's call to me. I feel such despair and am scared.
I am so sad that I am putting my family through this. I feel like an embarassment to them. I am so selfish.
With such feelings of sadness how can I care about the alcohol. What is it
giving me that i continue this vicious cycle.
Ughhh!!!!
Day one for me. I am fully functioning during the day, but every night the
martini's call to me. I feel such despair and am scared.
I am so sad that I am putting my family through this. I feel like an embarassment to them. I am so selfish.
With such feelings of sadness how can I care about the alcohol. What is it
giving me that i continue this vicious cycle.
Ughhh!!!!
Welcome takintyme, You posted this recently.
'I have been sober for 4 days. The first 3 1/2 days have been great. Feeling optimistic, positive'
and this today,
'' 'I feel such despair and am scared' Day one''
I do not think that we will find answers to are ill emotions through alcohol. You are not alone in your feelings of dispair and fear. Stick around. Best wishes
'I have been sober for 4 days. The first 3 1/2 days have been great. Feeling optimistic, positive'
and this today,
'' 'I feel such despair and am scared' Day one''
I do not think that we will find answers to are ill emotions through alcohol. You are not alone in your feelings of dispair and fear. Stick around. Best wishes
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 321
I can relate to what you are talking about exactly. For me there were moments of lucidity, where I saw drugs and alcohol as evil, a cause of pain in my life that I did not want. My resolve to not go back was great. Yet I always found myself back, using once again. This led to great self-pity and depression. Finally, someone introduced me to the 12-step fellowships. Through these, AA and NA, I have found freedom from the disease that we have in common. And it truly is just that. It is not who you you are to do the things you do, to drink and drink some more. It is a disease that you have, and there is a way out. What worked for me was going to some meetings and listening to others share, and hearing my story. Hearing what it was like for them, then what had happened, and then hearing the incredible stories of what their lives are like now. And knowing the same could be true for me.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,949
Some people recover from addiction by using the mystical spirituality of AA's 12-steps, that may be what you need. On the other hand I recover by building a skill set that frees me from the influence of alcohol.
Staying active here at SR will be of great aid to you. Kicking an addiction is no easy task, but you can do!
With such feelings of sadness how can I care about the alcohol. What is it
giving me that i continue this vicious cycle.
it sounds like the disease of alcoholism. there just happens to be a story in one of the editions of the big book of alcoholics anonymous titled " a vicious cycle."
desperation is what got me to the doors of AA. hope kept me there. working the steps got me sober and gives me a daily reprieve where the craving and complusion to drink is no longer there.
giving me that i continue this vicious cycle.
it sounds like the disease of alcoholism. there just happens to be a story in one of the editions of the big book of alcoholics anonymous titled " a vicious cycle."
desperation is what got me to the doors of AA. hope kept me there. working the steps got me sober and gives me a daily reprieve where the craving and complusion to drink is no longer there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 79
I agree with TomSteve...
EVERY DAY for the last year or so I have SWORN that that was IT - but a few hours later - glug, glug...
It was like I had no control whatsoever.
I'd SWEAR I wasn't going to drink and I'd find myself in line at the store bottle in hand - I'd wrestle with myself (put it back - put it back) 1/2 an hour later I'd be juiced up - singing in the mirror until I blacked out and then I'd do it all over again.
For me it took a lot of cries for help - until I got sick of putting everyone I love (and myself) through the wringer. I realized (and was TOLD) it was either quit now or lose the support I had forever...
EVERY DAY for the last year or so I have SWORN that that was IT - but a few hours later - glug, glug...
It was like I had no control whatsoever.
I'd SWEAR I wasn't going to drink and I'd find myself in line at the store bottle in hand - I'd wrestle with myself (put it back - put it back) 1/2 an hour later I'd be juiced up - singing in the mirror until I blacked out and then I'd do it all over again.
For me it took a lot of cries for help - until I got sick of putting everyone I love (and myself) through the wringer. I realized (and was TOLD) it was either quit now or lose the support I had forever...
I remember how frustrating it is when you try to cut down and it just doesn't work. But, it's good that you realize now that you need to stop drinking.
I hope your therapist appointment is helpful for you.
I hope your therapist appointment is helpful for you.
Welcome (back)!
I had the same pattern, making promises to myself in the morning and drinking every night. The harder I tried to control it, the more I realized how much it controlled me.
It's terrifying to think about getting sober, but it's like the old saying "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." It's great that you're getting support - keep reading and posting!
I had the same pattern, making promises to myself in the morning and drinking every night. The harder I tried to control it, the more I realized how much it controlled me.
It's terrifying to think about getting sober, but it's like the old saying "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." It's great that you're getting support - keep reading and posting!
Your therapist should help with your feelings towards drinking and help you redirect them. Keep in mind the therapist is your coach. Keep with it. It has helped me greatly.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
The nice thing is you don't have to do this alone...Find a program and work it...AA's my choice because it works for me...And I worked for it. Good luck to you...Because continued drinking does not get better. I know that.
Hang in there, you have the rest of your life to turn things around!
I'm not sure anyone can pin point exactly WHY we continue to drink, or grieve its loss when when we quit, despite what it does to our lives... but unfortunately we do and we are all together in the that. I didn't touch alcohol for the first 13 years of my life, but I had known full well its effects from watching my mother and her friends when I did. 17 years later, here I am with a problem of my own, making a mess of my adult life.
We can turn it around, and it all starts with a simple "day 1." It will get better, I swear.
I'm not sure anyone can pin point exactly WHY we continue to drink, or grieve its loss when when we quit, despite what it does to our lives... but unfortunately we do and we are all together in the that. I didn't touch alcohol for the first 13 years of my life, but I had known full well its effects from watching my mother and her friends when I did. 17 years later, here I am with a problem of my own, making a mess of my adult life.
We can turn it around, and it all starts with a simple "day 1." It will get better, I swear.
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