my boyfriends addicted to heroin

Old 05-31-2012, 10:09 AM
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my boyfriends addicted to heroin

So I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now... we have lived together the whole time. We were friends before we got together so I was comfortable woth him living wit me. I knew he had had a party life back in the days and now currently uses meth from time to time. It wasn't until I found things that made me think otherwise. We had complete trust and I started tto find foil and needle and random stuff in my house relized him acting a little different meting up wit ppl randomly while I wud be asleep and he wud pick fights with me just to leave. I was with someone for 3 years and the last year he started using and became very abusive . My boy friend before that used herion my daughters dad while he was away and I noticed a change. I've been a vitctum of drug abuse so I'm not dumb. I didn't comfront him until one night randomly he started yelling and me after I heard him on the phone ad he started to leave so I didn't let him ..... then just last night he told me he is lost into herion and has been for 4 years and he wants help... he cried and told me he doesn't wanna hurt me and wants help but can't go to an impatient program it won't work he wants me to be in control of all his money and wants to be sober he is tired of this life. But he wants to do it one more time so I went wit him last night and for the first time saw him use. I love him and I felt so numb he kept asking me what I'm thinking how do I feel but all I can say is I don't know what to think or how to feel I feel a train just hit me... he asks me what do I think will help him?? How does he get help?? And I said idk... he said he wants my help but understands if I wanna leave. He keeps telling me all day he wants to stop n he is done but my mind is still processing ... how do iget him help?? What do I do?? What's our next step?? I'm scared he is just saying these things.. I'm tired of this life. I'm tied of being a victum of drug abuse ... I never have done drugs befire so I don't understand why and how you can bhurt the one u love and who has been here for you over a drug... someone help me.. my mind is going so much I don't even know what to say...
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Old 05-31-2012, 10:41 AM
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http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...in-addict.html

Above is the link to my thread. My boyfriend is also a heroin addict. He's living in a sober house currently, doing really well. He has 3 months sober. We broke up about a month ago, but are now back together. I was living with him, saw him when he was clean, was there when he relapsed, went through 2 detoxes, and now the sober house.
Read, read, read. And keep posting on here.

Hang in there!
<3

Last edited by Pock89; 05-31-2012 at 10:42 AM. Reason: Spelling
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Old 05-31-2012, 10:47 AM
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he said he wants my help

You can only help yourself NOT him
IMO, those are the words he thinks you wanna hear words of manipulation

Are you attending any meetings for your self? Al-anon, Nar-anon, families anonymous
you can attend meetings and figure out what you wanna do or you can (your words) ('m tied of being a victum of drug abuse ) stay stuck there.

you have options
best of luck while you figure out where you want your life to go it is at least for me frustrating because I keep being on yo yo on my own life.
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Old 05-31-2012, 12:30 PM
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Don't walk...run
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Old 05-31-2012, 01:39 PM
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He has been clean now for only a few days mostly going to work for for 4 hours then coming home to sleep. Yesterday he told me not to give up on him because I told him idk what to do I'm still in shock you know and he likes I wanna be wit u marry you I love you its gunna take me alwhile to be completely sober and I wanna do that not just for you but for me... and for our life... I hope he isn't just saying things to say them I hope he really means them... and no I ahevtn gone to meetings for myself I told him I need to cuz I wanna get advice and be around ppl who are in the same shoes to help me understand and I don't know where to find the meetings...


and ill read ur story... how are u de3aling and who did u deal with eveerything?

He also randomly texted me and said I can't wait to be clea completely clean and be like to everyone this girl right here stood by myside thru everything... and that wud be cool you know...
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Old 05-31-2012, 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by princesssarrah View Post
...I don't know where to find the meetings...
Nar-Anon Meetings

Scroll down to San Diego, there are plenty of meetings. Go. No excuses. Be resourceful enough to seek your own help...and let your BF find his.
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Old 06-01-2012, 03:19 AM
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He has been clean now for only a few days mostly going to work for for 4 hours then coming home to sleep

Sorry but when you first stop Heroin you are very sick I think he's lying if he tells you he is working 4 hrs then sleeping.When I first stopped opiates I didnt sleep for weeks.I had a hard time sitting still. It took months to feel normal
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Old 06-01-2012, 04:19 AM
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I know its hard to hear but like the others have said, this is not about you helping him, He is the only one who can get clean. A four year heroin habit is not going to be broken in a few days ... he will most likely need some kind of program. The salvation army has a free program and there are other options. I agree with tbeit, I've allowed my son to detox here in my home twice and what he is describing does not sound like heroin detox at all ...

You really need to focus on yourself ... It's not like you can't help at all, you need to figure out HEALTHY boundaries for yourself. We are all different, no one can tell you exactly what you can and can't do. I've told my son this "As long as i feel you are seeking sobriety I will help you in ways that are healthy for you and healthy for ME" We haven't always agreed on what is those ways are but my boundaries are firm. Nar Anon is a great place with lots of great literature to help you figure out those boundaries. If you don't find help soon you will most likely find yourself as trapped and sick as he is .... just in a different realm. I think it's worse for us because at least the addict has the escape of being high and oblivious when they use .. for us each day becomes hell moment by moment waiting for the next catastrophe.
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Old 06-01-2012, 04:40 AM
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Princess, he is an active addict. It is a dark world active addicts live in, dark and deceptive and it will suck your very soul out of you if you let it.

Not one word he says points to trust or recovery. How do I know? Because I have heard all the excuses, lies, can't do it of you won't help me's, and manipulative words from my own son. Just take a good read around here and you'll see that most of us had to learn the hard way, just like you. But we did learn and when we knew better we did better and stepped away from the darkness.

Please get help for you. Al-anon, Nar-non and CoDA are 3 similar fellowships that can help you put your life back together again.

The choice is yours. If not for yourself, do it for your child.

Hugs
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Old 06-01-2012, 06:05 AM
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I was the poster child for "I'm going to stay loyal and be the one that can help him." I failed. I was also under the assumption that I could love the addiction out of him; that if I just stayed and helped and was supportive, the drug use would stop. I failed.
I was so sure that I could drag him to detox, allow him to see the light, and everything would fall into place. Again, I failed.
Your boyfriend's intentions may be good BUT you need to do your research on heroin, it's effects, and withdrawal symptoms. Heroin makes the user feel like they physically need the drug, but it's also a mental/emotional thing. Just detoxing (if that's even what he's doing, which it doesn't sound like he is), is not enough to stop a heroin addict. He needs therapy, and a lot of it. My boyfriend initially tried just going to detox, did his 5 days to "get through the withdrawals" and then swore to me he'd come home and things would be okay because he wouldn't be going to through the withdrawals anymore. He relapsed less than a week after detox. Heroin takes hold of the addict's body AND mind.
My boyfriend is doing well, but this is not just because he stopped shooting heroin. He's doing intense therapy as well. The addict needs both components of recovery for it to be at all successful. I mean, if you think about it...you really need to have some serious emotional baggage going on to be sticking a needle in your own arm.
Do your research on the drug so you are informed. The scariest part of my boyfriend's recovery for me at least was how little I knew about what was really going on. I really just knew what he was telling me...Trust and believe, your boyfriend is not telling you everything.
There are many options for him to get help. He can go into a detox facility, a rehab (outpatient or residential), a sober house, etc. If he wants the help, it's definitely out there. NA and AA meetings are great once he's detoxed and gone through withdrawal. Unfortunately, to get off of heroin, usually the addict needs some kind of facility to aid in the detox.
Get yourself educated on this. When I found out about my boyfriend's drug use, I read just about everything I could get my hands on. I read every story that related to mine, every story from addicts themselves about what it's like, what they've gone through, I read success stories, I read horror stories about overdoses, what happens at a detox facility, rehab, NA meetings, etc.
Read/research all about this. It'll be eye opening to you.
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Old 06-01-2012, 07:32 AM
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Sometimes......we don't have problems.........we have solutions........that we don't like.

Addicts use because it makes them feel good or dulls pain. Their words are the drug of a codependent......for the same reason.......those words make us feel good or dull our pain. "I love you" or "I want to get clean and sober" are just words.....they are used to keep us hooked. Action and behavioral changes are the real dialogue.

I am not a victim if I recognize what is going on and I don't do anything to help myself. That makes me a willing participant......and I've done that plenty. I just choose not to do it anymore.

How? By stopping the insanity....getting off the crazy train......and taking care of me first. This is not a selfish thing.....it is a survival thing. I can't help others around me if I'm not able to help myself.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 06-01-2012, 07:51 AM
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I didn't say he wasn't gunna get help and he gets body shakes and can't szleep and then he finally sleeps... its prob stilll in his system but he is trying .... he is going to start doing an outpatient better for his life then an impatient since he doesn't wanna loose his job... and I wasn't making an exuse not go to to meetings I thought meetings for the addicts didn't think they wud help me.. and I already got a friend who will go wit me...
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Old 06-01-2012, 08:13 AM
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Originally Posted by princesssarrah View Post

He also randomly texted me and said I can't wait to be clea completely clean and be like to everyone this girl right here stood by myside thru everything... and that wud be cool you know...


That's quite a load of manipulative garbage he's feeding you.

Why are you OK with having someone into "the party life" and/or in active addiction living under the same roof as your child?

We allow ourselves to be victims. A simple boundary, " I do not do relationships with people into " the party life" and/or active addiction or early recovery" protects you and your child from further victimization. You have no control over other people and your BF is free to do as he pleases, somewhere else. Your primary job is to protect the child who is learning from you how to cope with life and allow others to treat her.
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Old 06-01-2012, 09:18 AM
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PrincessSarrah.
Im new here to this website also. My husband was addicted to among other things opiate drugs like heroin. I have a son who turns 5 months old today. My husband made the decision to stop using, and he is now clean for over 20 days. Ive made the choice to stand by him.

I have been reading around on different forums here, and I found a story by a heroin addict that you might like to read. It is long but it is one of the best the best things Ive read on this site so far. It is really a story filled with hope, even though he writes about going through withdrawals, working while doing so, missing his girlfriend who broke up with him while he was using , finding support for himself, staying clean, looking forward to a new life.
( I think he has 50 days clean now).

Im going to try to link it in here, but ive never done this before, hopefully it will work.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pe-heroin.html

My thought process is to stay true to myself, and I believe everything else will work out the way it should.

I wish you the best princesssarrah.
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Old 06-01-2012, 10:48 AM
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Thank you alforcnm everyone keeps telling me to leave him and all this but I want to sgtand by his side... support is good for him.. ill be selfish if I leave


And for everyone saying I shudnt want my kid around it... she barely even talks to him he is amazing wit her when they do interact...
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by princesssarrah View Post
Thank you alforcnm everyone keeps telling me to leave him and all this but I want to sgtand by his side... support is good for him.. ill be selfish if I leave

And for everyone saying I shudnt want my kid around it... she barely even talks to him he is amazing wit her when they do interact...
So many of us land here rationalizing our own roles in situations beyond our control. Putting one's child and own interests before that of someone into the cycle of addiction is healthy stuff- the opposite of being selfish.

Many are afraid to leave because they fear lonliness or are dependent on the addicted person for financial recourses.

There is nothing you can do or say that will keep him clean or cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are. If love is all that it took, none of us would be here, right now.

None of us are qualified to treat or support someone in addiction. If he needs support, there are numerous agencies, churches and the Salvation Army. This one more time thing becomes 1000 more times.
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:49 AM
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as long as you want to stay in this situation...

a life filled with drugs, withdrawals, relapses, rehabs, outpatient, inpatient, promises, broken promises...

you will find another co-dependent who says it's okay.

you can stay in that life as long as you want to

in my humble opinion I think its awful that your child has to be in an environment that has the trust, hope and love all sucked up by addiction. that's what happens to codependents...all their focus and life energy gets turned toward the addict and their fear of losing that connection "love"

we always say we can't believe it when an addict chooses drugs over their family
but some behaviors are more subtle and insidious....like when a codependent ends up giving the lions share of their life energy, focus and love to an addict instead of their child

plain and simple, it's neglect.

and we codependents self-justify by claiming that it would be selfish to remove our "support" no, actually, its selfish to get in the way of someone else's chance at recovery by "supporting" which is ENABLING
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Old 06-01-2012, 12:54 PM
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lesliej gets my vote for quote of the day..............to whit:

"and we codependents self-justify by claiming that it would be selfish to remove our "support" no, actually, its selfish to get in the way of someone else's chance at recovery by "supporting" which is ENABLING"

Thanks,lesliej
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Old 06-01-2012, 03:51 PM
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So is my son and I wouldn't wish him on anyone. Please don't settle for this. You can't fix him.
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Old 06-01-2012, 08:06 PM
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So tomorrow starts the cleaniness.. he has already told me tomorrow starts the ickiness but he is happy that it starts but he warned me about the throwing up and not feeling good I thought he was already clean but I lied it stats tomorrow actually it has started tonight we are having and early night... I'm depressed and sad and scared for what's ahead of me... idk what to do... I'm gunna try to go to a meeting tomorrow but the neext one I found is on Tuesday... I can't express hbow scared I am..
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