aeo1313

I have been feeling this weight from not telling my kids the truth about where I have been going when I go to AA. They are 13 and almost 11. Last night I told them I was going to a support group to help learn ways to deal with my emotions and that I had stopped drinking alcohol. I said that alcohol was just not good for me anymore, that it made me ask silly and I wasn't going to drink it anymore. My 13 asked if that was why I didn't drink all weekend at the lake (I guess kids do notice things). I said yes. She asked does that mean no wine or beer and I said yes. My 11 year old said he was confused but had no questions. We then went onto the couch and watched a movie.

At least I opened the door for more questions in the future and I don't have to make up reasons as to why I am leaving the house. I feel a ton better and I don't think my kids are scarred for life as I feared they would be if I told them. It's always worse in my head.

Elisabeth888

now you added some accountability.

Sapling

I think it's a good move aeo...Now show them that it works. Prayers sre with you aeo...You're doing great!

Luling

I've been interested in what you have to say on this because my two older kids are just the same ages as yours. I've been hiding my drinking as well as I can, and I doubt they know how bad it is (sadly, I'm pretty good at holding my alcohol and seldom appear drunk even when I'm way over the limit), but I'm sure they know more than I realize.

Anyway, it's cool that you posted about this, because I also told my kids last night that I've quit drinking. My 13-year-old saw that I had stocked up on non-alcoholic drinks in the fridge, looked at the Snapple in my hand, and said, "No wine or beer?" I played it casual and said, "No, I don't drink alcohol anymore." Then she asked for $20 so she could buy a t-shirt, and my 11-year-old expressed concern that I was not leaving enough Snapple for him.

So yeah, I think we sometimes build things up in our minds as some big deal, when the reality isn't so bad. Of course now that we've told our kids, we're even more committed to this, right? It takes a lot of confidence to take that step.

Sapling

I wish you both the best...Make them proud!

LDT

I think you handled it absolutely beautifully, aeo1313. Bravo! When I decided to stop drinking I wrote my 4 children letters. The response I got back was so full of love and acceptance and support. Trust me, your children are "not scarred for life". On Mother's Day this year one of my daughter's told me what a "great role model" I was. Imagine that!

And Luling....isn't that just like kid..sort of like, 'oh, you are not spending money on booze now, so that means you have extra money for me to go to the mall'. Gotta love it!

keltie

I'm proud of you, as always.

aeo1313

I said something to the effect of "I want to be the best mother I can be" and my 13yo daughter said I already was the best mother. Awwww.

I definately have accountability now...it's one thing to say to my husband I quit drinking and then drink again; it's a whole other thing to do that with kids. I am their example of how to live life and I want them to live an honest life filled with confidence, peace, and everything else good.

Amy2011

I think you did the right thing. I know your children are proud of you and excited for your future. I gave up drinking in March of 2011 and told my children within the first week that I was attending AA. They were 9 and 12 at the time. I knew that in the end my drinking was effecting them as much as I wanted to pretend it was not hurting them. I had embarrassed myself many times in front of them, their friends, and varoius other people. It helps to have their support and understanding when I need to go to a meeting instead of staying home with them. They tell me all the time how proud of me they are. My oldest daughter and I are very close and would not have the mother-daughter relationship I always wanted if I was still drinking. I use my accountabilty to them as a motivator to stay sober. I am no longer willing to see disappointment and disgust in their eyes that I put there because I chose to drink. Remember your children need you and depend on you, use that to motivate you in your journey to stay sober.

awuh1

"I want them to live an honest life filled with confidence, peace, and everything else good."

There is no more important task in life than teaching it's lessons to our children and, no better way than through love and by example. It’s part of the satisfaction gained in living a principled existence.

Rest assured that there is no greater legacy than honesty.

oinobares

My dog doesn't like me when I drink. How does that happen? She is avoiding me.

edit: i think I replied to the wrong thread, apologies.

Sapling

It's OK...My dog didn't like me when I drank either. Look at him now...Doesn't he look happy? It's his Birthday today...He turned 5.

oinobares

Actually the highlight of my day, Sapling. Happy Birthday to your pooch. Thank you

LoftyIdeals

Congrats aeo and luling. My kids know, as there was no hiding it from them with my drunken escapades and behavior. They are probably my biggest support system, although they don't actively seek the role. Now, they even unknowingly call me to the carpet when I have dry drunk episodes, which are becoming infrequent. I have 3 kids, 15 and 16. The best part? They don't hesitate to ask their friends to come over anymore, which was part of the unspoken shame I carried when I was drinking.

TSDD

This^^^^

Anna

I`m glad that it went well.

Iwant2

My children have seen me at my worst and I think that what they have seen keeps them from drinking. My eldest daughter just finished her second year away at college and I really believe she has not had a drink and does not go out to parties.

As far as my dog, he doesn't like when I stumble and fall flat on my face during his walks.

forabetterlife

My kids are roughly the same age and I told the older one the just the other day that I was not going to drink anymore. I know she likes me, our home, and just the way life goes much better when I don't drink. It was scary to say it to her, because I know it makes me accountable to someone who is watching me every day, but also someone who I know I need to do this for. Our kids are wise, and they learn from us, and, like you, I want mine to have peace and confidence, not worry about what my behavior will be like from day to day.