Tony88

Some of you might remember me. Well I was in a heck of a roll for a while. I was getting close to a 30 pack a night. Well I'm now down to a 12 pack a night. Not sober but it's better than what I was doing and not drinking so much means I smoke less. So far it's been a win win even though I'm not on the clean path yet.

I'm not drinking till 5 am and I'm getting up alot earlier getting stuff done. My goal is to try to ween myself off eventually. So far it's been working well see.

BillyPilgrim

It is hard to stop, and if you have been drinking that much, have you sought medical advice?

You also need to look at a programme, there are lots of people on here with experience.

When are you planning cutting it totally?

Michael66

Hi Tony,

Well done for cutting back, but a 12 pack a night does still seem a very high quantity of alcohol to be drinking every day. Are you sure you shouldn't be stopping completely?

Tony88

I've been cutting back for a bit. Rehab place I'd go to is still full for now so this is my best option for now. I've been trying to man up and go to a AA meeting but have had fear and can't drag myself to one.

Tony88

I know they don't advise medical advise on this site. For me and what I know quitting cold turkey could be bad. I guess this might be the best option for me for now.

BillyPilgrim

It costs nothing. People will welcome you. It also can put your problems into context, I would try it Tony, you may find it is a turning point

It can do no harm

endlesspatience

Good that you're here Tony. Do you really mean you're hitting the booze at 5 in the morning every day? If that's the case, what time do you stop? When do you sleep?

Sapling

Fear is the great enemy of recovery from alcoholism and indeed from any serious addiction. Intensely negative emotions such as fear, shame, and guilt obstruct the road to recovery and detour the alcoholic-addict away from what is good for him (for example, AA meetings, therapy, rehab) and toward what is bad for him (isolation, secrecy, alcohol and drugs). Even when a person has supposedly "hit bottom" as a consequence of his addiction and sincerely, desperately desires to overcome it and begin leading a healthy life, the painful and aversive affects of shame, guilt and fear often conspire with his addiction to thwart him and bring his hopes to naught. In all too many cases the fear of the steps necessary for lasting recovery may be greater than the alcoholic's fear of relapse into alcoholism, resulting in the familiar "On again, off again" pattern many alcoholics and addicts display as they begin to flirt with but not yet commit to recovery.

Source.... Your First AA Meeting<

For me...I had to to get through the fear...I wanted it...And I committed to it.

Gottalife

Tony, I totally relate to that fear, for me it was absolutely crippling. I rang AA on many occasions then the fear would make me hang up, or I couldn't keep the thought long enough to listen to the answer phone message, and make the next call. Then one day I got to talk to someone. They knew alcoholics often only have short windows in which they are open to help, and they sent someone to see me within the hour. Absolutely saved my life. This alcoholic guy turned up properly armed with the facts about himself, and over the course of a few hours he won my confidence. He took me to my first few meetings and looked after me. He did what is suggested in the Big Book, he carried the message to me. I am certain I would never have made it to a meeting on my own, just too much fear, even with my new buddy it was still hard.

Tony, why not ring AA and ask for somone to come see you? It's a great way to find out if AA is for you, and to overcome that fear.

Threshold

I'm glad you checked in here Tony, I was thinking about you yesterday. And I'm glad you cut back.

Are you on the list to enter that rehab once an opening occurs, or is "no room at the inn" just a good excuse?

I truly believe you are going to get this thing, because you keep not quite quitting, BUT...something inside you won't let you give up on recovery either.

There is a lot you can do for yourself and recovery while you wait for a space in rehab. Glad to see you doing some of it, and thinking about doing more.

Tony88

I'd start at 10pm then drink till 5am. Been stopping at 2am since I've cut back.

Tony88

I'm not on a list, I just call every so often.

ReadyAndAble

That's great you've cut down, Tony. Still a very worrisome amount to be drinking, and drinking any amount statistically puts you at high risk of eventually returning to uncontrolled levels... but that is nevertheless the right trajectory. Good for you.

Glad you're back. Stick around. You can always count on folks here who have been through the same stuff and get it.

Sapling

Sounds to me like you don't go to rehab for the same reason you don't go to AA meetings...Fear. You might have to Man Up and do some of these things Tony...Because if you were doing a 30 pack a night and you've cut down to 12 a night....You've crossed that line Tony....You'll be back to 30 if you keep it up...That's how this progressive disease works. You need to cut it out of your life...Safely...And get busy keeping it that way...Because this stuff will kill you. And nobody wants to see that.

Dee74

what do you have to do to get onto a list Tony?
Can you find out?

D

lydiebreeze

Also - and this is what I had to do just last week - what about the ER? They will monitor you and make sure you're ok while you give it up - and then of course you will need some support (AA is what I do)
I tried like the devil to get myself into detox last week - went to 4 different places - no beds - but I decided i COULDN'T WAIT - cuz if I didn't do it then I don't know when I was gonna again...
Just a thought

lydiebreeze

Oh - and just to add this.
I'm on day 6 - I'm angry, I'm tired and I'm muddle-headed.
But I'm not drinking - and I've been drinking just about a bottle of vodka a day for close to 2 years. Yikes!

Anna

Tony, I hope that you can get yourself onto a list for a rehab place.

Elisabeth888

Can you just find a detox place? Then do outpatient and AA. At least you would be safely sober. If I could moderate I wouldn't be an alcoholic.