expertise needed, apply within
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
expertise needed, apply within
Yesterday, I hosted a BBQ for friends, and family.
Great weather, awesome food and plenty of laughter shared.
I took this opportunity to introduce a great guy ( I have been casually seeing since Easter) to my friends and family. We are enjoying each other's company, and taking things slow.
It was close to 9 p.m. when the lasts of the guests went home. New guy was helping me do some last minute clean up when we heard all this yelling and effin this and effin that, you *****, you MO FO's (sure you all have the picture). I just froze, didn't need to even see who was causing all the commotion, I already knew.
There was XA, in all his drunken agony, on the sidewalk in front of my house, sharing with the world, all his anger. Calling new guy to come outside and be a man. I am like you have got to be kidding me. I have been no contact with him for over 11 months now. I have taken the highroad.
Made a conscientious decision to never be where he might be, and I am proud to say, he and I did not cross paths, but I am tired of hiding. Avoiding him is alot of work. ( when you live in a town of only 5,000 people) And all this avoidance somehow keeps me attached, if that makes any sense. I am still allowing a drunk control. YUCK!!!
Yes, I should have called the police, and if he ever appears again, I will. What stopped me from calling the police is that I did not want to have to offer a possible statement in front of new guy. New guy doesn't know of my involvement with XA. And he still doesn't, (well he might now) he did not ask, and I did not offer.
What I am feeling is shame, embarassment, disgust, and contempt, at myself, and XA.
New guy has his act together, and of course I am certain the evening failed to make a positive impression.
So as I am trying to refocus on myself here, I am finding it difficult to let this rage inside of me go. I can't remember the last time I have been this angry.
What, if anything, can/should I say to new guy? Should I just let it go and see if he says anything? Should I offer an explaination? New guy sent a thank-you text, and I am not sure how to proceed. After last night I was thinking i won't be hearing from him again........
I will continue my no contact status with XA, but if there was ever a day, today I could give it to him with both barrels.
Great weather, awesome food and plenty of laughter shared.
I took this opportunity to introduce a great guy ( I have been casually seeing since Easter) to my friends and family. We are enjoying each other's company, and taking things slow.
It was close to 9 p.m. when the lasts of the guests went home. New guy was helping me do some last minute clean up when we heard all this yelling and effin this and effin that, you *****, you MO FO's (sure you all have the picture). I just froze, didn't need to even see who was causing all the commotion, I already knew.
There was XA, in all his drunken agony, on the sidewalk in front of my house, sharing with the world, all his anger. Calling new guy to come outside and be a man. I am like you have got to be kidding me. I have been no contact with him for over 11 months now. I have taken the highroad.
Made a conscientious decision to never be where he might be, and I am proud to say, he and I did not cross paths, but I am tired of hiding. Avoiding him is alot of work. ( when you live in a town of only 5,000 people) And all this avoidance somehow keeps me attached, if that makes any sense. I am still allowing a drunk control. YUCK!!!
Yes, I should have called the police, and if he ever appears again, I will. What stopped me from calling the police is that I did not want to have to offer a possible statement in front of new guy. New guy doesn't know of my involvement with XA. And he still doesn't, (well he might now) he did not ask, and I did not offer.
What I am feeling is shame, embarassment, disgust, and contempt, at myself, and XA.
New guy has his act together, and of course I am certain the evening failed to make a positive impression.
So as I am trying to refocus on myself here, I am finding it difficult to let this rage inside of me go. I can't remember the last time I have been this angry.
What, if anything, can/should I say to new guy? Should I just let it go and see if he says anything? Should I offer an explaination? New guy sent a thank-you text, and I am not sure how to proceed. After last night I was thinking i won't be hearing from him again........
I will continue my no contact status with XA, but if there was ever a day, today I could give it to him with both barrels.
What I am feeling is shame, embarassment, disgust, and contempt, at myself, and XA.
The new guy sent a thank you note. That is nice, someone raised him right.
so, my idea might be crazy, but be honest.
Tell him, I wanted to make a good impression and we were having such a lovely time until this guy I have managed to avoid for 11 months showed up and made an ass out of himself. (how did he find out about the barbeque? mutual friends? doesn't matter.)
Tell him we had a relationship, which ended badly because I did not want to spend any more time with someone like that (alcoholic, abusive, ignorant, stupid, a wiener head).
I cant apologize for him, but I am definitely sorry he showed up.
New guy will say something like, You are the greatest thing since peanut butter Marie, and that ex of yours was sure acting the fool at the party. I am sorry you ever had to deal with the likes of him, and what say we get together and do something terribly romantic? (okay, a little silly, but trying to lighten the load on you).
This actually could tell you quite a lot about the new guy. So far, he seems ready to drop it or wait for you to tell him when you are ready. Either way seems okay to me.
Just my opinion based on hmmmm, life lessons.
:ghug3
Beth
Be easy on yourself Marie, your XA was a fool, and you have no control over him.
If you think this new guy is someone you could really be interested in long term, then I agree with wicked. Tell him what's going on. He sounds like he can take it. He also appears to like you quite a lot, so I think you should be honest with him.
Sounds like this guy is a good man. Lesser men would run. This one send a thank you note? Amazing! Someone DID raise him right! I would agree with Suki & wicked - since he sounds like a decent, mature individual, talk to him frankly. You don't have to divulge anything you don't want to and you don't "owe him" an explanation. But if you talk with him honestly, it will help to set a good tone for your relationship from the start - he'll have a better sense of who you are & what your sensitivities may be, and you'll have a better understanding of what type of guy he is & whether he's possible "keeper" material.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 38
Bring up the other night and then tell him the truth. If you continue to see him you will eventually have to tell him or risk the chance someone else will before you do.
I get it, I would feel embarrassed too, but then everyone would remind me ( just like everyone here) you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Sounds like a nice guy.
I get it, I would feel embarrassed too, but then everyone would remind me ( just like everyone here) you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Sounds like a nice guy.
a southern belle
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: tennessee
Posts: 265
You really did take the high road! Bless your heart! I say if new guy really does have it together, he will realize that you did not cause that crazy scene! And, of course, you have no control over the actions of others. Perhaps someday you will both look back and only see the goodtime you had together. I feel sure that is what he is seeing. Good love, mags
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
XA works exactly 78 steps from my front door.
He is a bartender, (imagine that) at our neighborhood pub
He also is the private bartender hired for weddings, and events. Therefore, I have spent the past year declining invites, as I know he would be there.
He walks past my house everyday.
I see him crawling home him in the evening.
In the summertime, with the windows open, I still hear his big mouth, acting the fool.
With only one grocery store in town, I only go shopping when I know he is working. I was to "chicken" to take the chance of running into him. One of us would have probably ended up in jail, and the 50% chance it could have been me just wasn't worth it.
BUT....... no more. I am done holding myself hostage. This is what I have to do, to truly be done.......
I will be honest with new guy, and let the chips fall where they may. Stay tuned, I may need a referral to a WTH just happened website.
With love and a great respect,
Annie
He is a bartender, (imagine that) at our neighborhood pub
He also is the private bartender hired for weddings, and events. Therefore, I have spent the past year declining invites, as I know he would be there.
He walks past my house everyday.
I see him crawling home him in the evening.
In the summertime, with the windows open, I still hear his big mouth, acting the fool.
With only one grocery store in town, I only go shopping when I know he is working. I was to "chicken" to take the chance of running into him. One of us would have probably ended up in jail, and the 50% chance it could have been me just wasn't worth it.
BUT....... no more. I am done holding myself hostage. This is what I have to do, to truly be done.......
I will be honest with new guy, and let the chips fall where they may. Stay tuned, I may need a referral to a WTH just happened website.
With love and a great respect,
Annie
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