jail time.....hopefully
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
jail time.....hopefully
I feel like i shouldnt feel like this but i do, AS skipped his first day of community service for a felony charge of robbery not good since he will be looking to do up to a year of jail time, and so what shocks me is Im ready for him to face his consequences actually I want him to be put away how sick, only a person thats dealing with an addict can understand my perverse feelings and even though i know and want my heart still aches at all the choices he is making and thank god there is nothing I can do to keep him out of jail because at this point i dont even trust myself!!!!, all this time the harder i tried to keep him away from jail and for him to have a clean record so that if he ever did leave the drugs he could possibly have a normal life but the harder i tried it was all stacked against me, it seems thats where his fate is leading him im just preparing myself to stay strong when they do finally take him away no idea how they even do that i guess he will have a seach warrant for his arrest, do they come looking for him at home???, god if i could only bury my head in the ground and not come out for a long long time.....
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 69
I know how you feel and can relate to trying to keep them out of trouble so they can hopefully have a normal job one day. My 21 year old AS is in jail now. He is looking at 120 days for not showing up for two court dates, one for not having the vehicle he was driving registered and the other for shoplifting. He doesn't know it yet but he is also facing his first felony charge for stealing checks from my mother. It was the hardest thing we (mom and I) ever did but we couldn't break our promise to him. Even though he has been out of my house since last Oct., the police came here twice looking for him (one for each warrant). They were very nice and left when I told them I didn't know where he was (didn't even come in) and if I find out I will tell them. And I did. And they got him.
Meanwhile he is calling me, wanting canteen money, wanting to talk, etc, and I am not answering. We can only hope that "rock bottom" is getting closer. Chin up!
Meanwhile he is calling me, wanting canteen money, wanting to talk, etc, and I am not answering. We can only hope that "rock bottom" is getting closer. Chin up!
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
There are definitely worse things than prison. When my D was incarcerated, she finally had to get clean and was able to regain some weight and think more clearly. It did not prevent her relapse when she got out, but it might have saved her life at the time she was arrested.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Yes. I do understand. It's a sad statement when a mother would rather see her adult child in jail rather than out stealing, dealing, and drugging. But I sometimes think that at least I would know that he three hots and a cot. Very sad indeed.
All of the mothers here on SR are in my prayers tonight.
gentle hugs
ke
All of the mothers here on SR are in my prayers tonight.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: WV
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by Kindeyes 
It's a sad statement when a mother would rather see her adult child in jail rather than out stealing, dealing, and drugging. But I sometimes think that at least I would know that he three hots and a cot. Very sad indeed.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
The fathers of addicts are in my prayers too! Being the parent of an addict is very difficult. All of the addicts out there are in my prayers every single day.
Mad4chaos - I love your explanation of your user name! It made me chuckle and made me glad I was in a peaceful place when I chose my own user name......because I've certainly had my moments of incredible anger about this disease! Makes me wonder what my user name could have been if chosen during one of those moments! That topic would make a great thread!
gentle hugs
ke
Mad4chaos - I love your explanation of your user name! It made me chuckle and made me glad I was in a peaceful place when I chose my own user name......because I've certainly had my moments of incredible anger about this disease! Makes me wonder what my user name could have been if chosen during one of those moments! That topic would make a great thread!
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
lonelystar,
I too know exactly how you feel about being almost hopeful that your son ends up in jail, I've been there too.
My son currently has warrants for his arrest, but he has kept himself clean and out of trouble for almost 3 years - they have not come looking for him. He hasn't worked "normal" jobs, just cash under the table type work. But he is on government health care and gets food assistance. I guess there are bigger criminals and he keeps himself out of trouble. The warrants will eventually catch up to him - he is trying through a social worker to "work something out" but he is one of many guys this social worker works with so I suppose it's "outta sight outta mind" most days.
Take care of yourself - that's all you can do.
I too know exactly how you feel about being almost hopeful that your son ends up in jail, I've been there too.
My son currently has warrants for his arrest, but he has kept himself clean and out of trouble for almost 3 years - they have not come looking for him. He hasn't worked "normal" jobs, just cash under the table type work. But he is on government health care and gets food assistance. I guess there are bigger criminals and he keeps himself out of trouble. The warrants will eventually catch up to him - he is trying through a social worker to "work something out" but he is one of many guys this social worker works with so I suppose it's "outta sight outta mind" most days.
Take care of yourself - that's all you can do.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
You are NOT alone. We were just having that same discussion this morning... actually thinking that AS being put in jail for at least 6 months would be a GOOD thing! Not exactly the kind of thinking any normie is familiar with, that's for sure.
(((Hugs))) We're all in this together.
(((Hugs))) We're all in this together.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
It DOES sound perverse....but that's what I keep hoping happens to the addict I cared about.
Jail/prison.
A formal system,with checks and balances.Jobs and pensions on the line if any
egregious mistreatment or abuse (systemic) occurs.Nourishment and regimen that
socializes in the sense they are not allowed to freefall.
She does not have that now.She is subject to the whims and moods of people I
would NEVER not allow in my home.
People have such resentment of formal systems.But it is assured in our system
the judge/cops will not be allowed to rape/murder you on a whim.Nor beat you when
they feel like it.(and no I don't need to be lectured about the inevitable exceptions to every rule).
The people she shares her life with now can no doubt do anything to her with
impunity.
Not so formal systems.Resentment to these systems in normal and even I sometimes share it.
But those sidearms cops wear are our assurance that those
we care for will not be arbitrarily brutalized/hurt/terrorized.
(unless they can outrun a 9mm bullet!)
Jail/prison.
A formal system,with checks and balances.Jobs and pensions on the line if any
egregious mistreatment or abuse (systemic) occurs.Nourishment and regimen that
socializes in the sense they are not allowed to freefall.
She does not have that now.She is subject to the whims and moods of people I
would NEVER not allow in my home.
People have such resentment of formal systems.But it is assured in our system
the judge/cops will not be allowed to rape/murder you on a whim.Nor beat you when
they feel like it.(and no I don't need to be lectured about the inevitable exceptions to every rule).
The people she shares her life with now can no doubt do anything to her with
impunity.
Not so formal systems.Resentment to these systems in normal and even I sometimes share it.
But those sidearms cops wear are our assurance that those
we care for will not be arbitrarily brutalized/hurt/terrorized.
(unless they can outrun a 9mm bullet!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
Thank you all for the responses, he actually went back to court to try to fix his missed day of community service and well the next day he couldnt go again , its all so rediculous he said he just cant do it , went and signed himself up into a 30+ rehab facility so thats where hes at now, his lawyer will be going with the papers to the judge so I assume when he gets out he will have another hearing and so on it goes , personally I have done alot of reserach on addiction and will be doing alot more I have no illusions about it, nothing less than a miracle will get him to stop but i guess all these bumps along the way might open his eyes. Anyway will keep you posted but let me tell you I am going to truly cherish these days where Im not wondering and looking at him killing himself off slowly day by day , im going to spend time with my kids and husband and I have already planned a few outings .
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 69
Yes, enjoy the days you don't have to worry about where he is. I have actually planned a little vacation for myself while my AS is in jail. He hasn't lived at home since last summer but I still worry about leaving the house for more than a day. Also, my heart doesn't stop every time I hear a police siren or ambulance!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Bozeman, MT
Posts: 46
Hello Lonely,
I know exactly how you feel. EXACTLY!
Our son is now 26. Last year he was arrested in Idaho, returning from Washington with two other individuals, one whom has purchased heroin. All were addicted to oxy medication and injecting it.
Our son had always held a steady job in construction, and used his wages to pay for his opiate addiction so had not been involved in other crimes. He had never stolen from us (parents) or ever (truth) asked us for money.
Hard to believe. Course he was able to hide his addiction and was a very good employee so he kept his jobs and spent every dime on oxy. Sickening.
Here's the deal: When he was arrested in Idaho, the judge did my husband and I a favor. The judge set the bond at $100,000.00. The charge was trafficking with the other 2 men. Hey...he admitted he knew about the heroin and that makes it trafficking (state to state).
IF WE HAD HAD THE FUNDS, WE WOULD HAVE BAILED HIM OUT BECAUSE WE LOVE AND WANT TO FIX AND PROTECT HIM.
The bond made it impossible. He spent all of June (2011) through the beginning of February (2012) in jail. Believe me, he got a taste...8 months.
During this time, the other two men were both bailed/bonded out by their families. Both were re-arrested in Montana, yet curiously neither had their bond revoked in Idaho. I still don't understand that. All that time, the other two were back to the same stuff.
A blessing was the number of times our son saw people brought into jail addicted to drugs/alcohol, detoxing like he had in jail (not pleasant) and most of all, wittnessing other people being sentenced to prison by the judge. 8 MONTHS... he had time to detox, and see others in his shoes just months before.
For some reason which I still cannot explain, the judge allowed him to be released to work, live, eat, sleep and breathe with my husband, his father (they build bridges). He was required to drug test each week at the local hospital. He used HIS WAGES for the testing each week ($57.00 per drug test). He didn't so much as sneeze sideways. I guarantee you the 8 MONTHS in jail, and the threat made by the judge (prison for 7 years if he screwed up even one bit) made a difference.
After returning to the judge 8 weeks later with literally perfect behvior/work/testing, the judge allowed him to enter a treatment program in Idaho in mid May. He had saved almost every dime he had made in the 8 weeks and paid for his own treatment. Months before, he woulda' said he didn't need treatment. I guarantee you that.
I was ASHAMED, EMBARASSED, FELT JUDGED BY OUR COMMUNITY.... That is just a fact and somewhat true. Friends have turned on me. Probably because we hid his problem for so long and did not force him into treatment years ago. Course, it's difficult to force an adult (18 years or older) to go to treatment. They will convince you they can get off the stuff themselves which is really not likely even if they want to.
So, while I am asking others on this forum for advice I can tell you I have been in your shoes. Not slept at night, worried constantly of him dying from an overdose, or being arrested for drugs. I really had no control over him.
Here's the selfish part: I worried constantly about what others would think and say (gossip). Just so you know, people can be and are quite mean to the families of addicts and alcoholics. Mostly they gossip behind our backs.
My advice: Go to the prosecutor...tell them your child is an addict (which they know) and ask them to arrest him and put him in jail for at least a half a year or more, then ask if they will offer him an OPPORTUNITY to enter a rehabilitation center (long term-more than a month) and then agree to weekly testing at his cost and the threat that if he misses ONE test, he will then go to prison.
If he's addicted, he's still better in prison than dead. Understand, if he is invovled in a burglary, someone could get hurt. Then he could go to prison.
Sounds crazy, against any defense attorney's advice, but go to the prosecutor.
WE DID...
Oh, and if anyone says something to you like, "How's Johnny doing?" when you know they know he's in serious legal trouble and addicted, try responding with this: "As YOU KNOW, Johnny is a drug addict and in serious legal trouble. Please...pray for him." Say it and mean it. It will also help you to pull your head out from dirt and stop covering up.
I know exactly how you feel. EXACTLY!
Our son is now 26. Last year he was arrested in Idaho, returning from Washington with two other individuals, one whom has purchased heroin. All were addicted to oxy medication and injecting it.
Our son had always held a steady job in construction, and used his wages to pay for his opiate addiction so had not been involved in other crimes. He had never stolen from us (parents) or ever (truth) asked us for money.
Hard to believe. Course he was able to hide his addiction and was a very good employee so he kept his jobs and spent every dime on oxy. Sickening.
Here's the deal: When he was arrested in Idaho, the judge did my husband and I a favor. The judge set the bond at $100,000.00. The charge was trafficking with the other 2 men. Hey...he admitted he knew about the heroin and that makes it trafficking (state to state).
IF WE HAD HAD THE FUNDS, WE WOULD HAVE BAILED HIM OUT BECAUSE WE LOVE AND WANT TO FIX AND PROTECT HIM.
The bond made it impossible. He spent all of June (2011) through the beginning of February (2012) in jail. Believe me, he got a taste...8 months.
During this time, the other two men were both bailed/bonded out by their families. Both were re-arrested in Montana, yet curiously neither had their bond revoked in Idaho. I still don't understand that. All that time, the other two were back to the same stuff.
A blessing was the number of times our son saw people brought into jail addicted to drugs/alcohol, detoxing like he had in jail (not pleasant) and most of all, wittnessing other people being sentenced to prison by the judge. 8 MONTHS... he had time to detox, and see others in his shoes just months before.
For some reason which I still cannot explain, the judge allowed him to be released to work, live, eat, sleep and breathe with my husband, his father (they build bridges). He was required to drug test each week at the local hospital. He used HIS WAGES for the testing each week ($57.00 per drug test). He didn't so much as sneeze sideways. I guarantee you the 8 MONTHS in jail, and the threat made by the judge (prison for 7 years if he screwed up even one bit) made a difference.
After returning to the judge 8 weeks later with literally perfect behvior/work/testing, the judge allowed him to enter a treatment program in Idaho in mid May. He had saved almost every dime he had made in the 8 weeks and paid for his own treatment. Months before, he woulda' said he didn't need treatment. I guarantee you that.
I was ASHAMED, EMBARASSED, FELT JUDGED BY OUR COMMUNITY.... That is just a fact and somewhat true. Friends have turned on me. Probably because we hid his problem for so long and did not force him into treatment years ago. Course, it's difficult to force an adult (18 years or older) to go to treatment. They will convince you they can get off the stuff themselves which is really not likely even if they want to.
So, while I am asking others on this forum for advice I can tell you I have been in your shoes. Not slept at night, worried constantly of him dying from an overdose, or being arrested for drugs. I really had no control over him.
Here's the selfish part: I worried constantly about what others would think and say (gossip). Just so you know, people can be and are quite mean to the families of addicts and alcoholics. Mostly they gossip behind our backs.
My advice: Go to the prosecutor...tell them your child is an addict (which they know) and ask them to arrest him and put him in jail for at least a half a year or more, then ask if they will offer him an OPPORTUNITY to enter a rehabilitation center (long term-more than a month) and then agree to weekly testing at his cost and the threat that if he misses ONE test, he will then go to prison.
If he's addicted, he's still better in prison than dead. Understand, if he is invovled in a burglary, someone could get hurt. Then he could go to prison.
Sounds crazy, against any defense attorney's advice, but go to the prosecutor.
WE DID...
Oh, and if anyone says something to you like, "How's Johnny doing?" when you know they know he's in serious legal trouble and addicted, try responding with this: "As YOU KNOW, Johnny is a drug addict and in serious legal trouble. Please...pray for him." Say it and mean it. It will also help you to pull your head out from dirt and stop covering up.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am sorry people made you feel this way MTUSA. That has not been my experience at all. Sadly it seems, so many people have an addict or alcoholic - someone they love as well in their family.
Any shame or embarrassment I felt ... was what I created in my own mind and was quite surprised by the support I got once I was honest with myself and others.
Any shame or embarrassment I felt ... was what I created in my own mind and was quite surprised by the support I got once I was honest with myself and others.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 69
MTUSA, never feel alone in this. Most of the people that talk about you are hiding something of their own. I hid my AS's problems for a long time, too. Now when people ask me about him I tell them he is a very troubled young man and could use their prayers. Family and close friends know the truth.
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