need advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Buffalo NY
Posts: 3
need advice
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello about two weeks ago my husband hit rock bottom so to say and went into detox...
He has been on opiates and barbituates due to a bad back injury and depression and anxiety. Over the past 5 years there have been times of a living hell.... looking back now I think I think I was partially in denial and lost as to what to do... at times he was so mean and has always pointed the finger at me..saying to me im the reason he drank heavy at times and needed to be medicated... but my prayers were finally answered when we got into detox. I was full of so many emotions on the day this happened it was overwhelming but i vowed to stand by him and do what ever needs to be done and here we are it has gone as to be expected so far he was in the hospital detox for 5 days I have been bending over backwards trying to make him comfortable and doing anything I can but I have to say I feel like Im in the dark. (really need to find a good support group)
It has been going ok for the two weeks hes been home but Monday was the worst day yet... note(this is mentally exhausting, I dont know what to do really there is no intsruction book and I dont know how he feels inside, I have never been addicted to anything) I hit a little wall myself and was a hair grumpy, tired, and He instanly attacked me verbally saying i knew the nice you over the last two weeks was fake there you go back to being a bitch and not supportive and its your fault i drank and had to take xanax and other scripts and on and on he went.... I managed to keep my mouth shut but i did say to him i am human and I cant be perfect everyday, this is hard for me too. At one point he stormed out of the house saying I sent him into a anxiety attack i burst into tears unable to compose myself any longer... then finally in the wee hours of the morning after hours of verbal attacks on me like a lightswitch he turned to doscile again and finally slept. (during this rough day his eyes were dialated,all i know is that can be related to withdrawl)
I didnt see him much yesterday but he tried to go see his old shrink and get meds but thank god he couldnt get in.
This morning I got up and it seemed ok he was ok...nice.... then I called him to check in and see if he needed anything and he went off all over again on me saying since monday when I set him off its been one big constatn anxciety attack since then and its all my fault and all these years Im why he took all this stuff and drank... and on and on....
I am at a loss... I simply dont know what to do
I was told to expect these mood swings but how long does this last and how much do I take with a nod...
I really pray we can get through this and he can stay sober (although he did tell me he stopped at a friends house last night and had two drinks) But has been away from all the pills as i disposed of them before he came home from hospital.
Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.
5/29
last week was HELL... nothing i did wsa right and all i got was verbal knives in my face and our muddied past thrown at me.. he was very nasty and it was 90% at me. he even threatened to call the cops on my friday evening saying i took something from his truck but wouldnt say what he was missing. he got irrate for about 15 min then i took him and our daughter to a dance then on our way from the dance i got a little lost downtown and he flew off the handle and said i wasnt listening( hosetly he wasnt telling me where to go like he claimed) it blew up really bad with our kids in the car and i finally got him to his friends house and dropped him off. he was spending the night and helping them with a home project.he was sooooo nasty!
then the next day it was a text of hey how are ya sorry bout last night... (really) its like a light switch presonality disorder. I know some of this is all this detox but im not sure i can survive this with him.
He told me last tuesday he was going to see his shrink meds doc and he went and then told me he didnt see her.
then i find out from his friends he stopped over later that night and said he had scripts in his pocket then had a few drinks....
he is still claiming he has to take a xanax here and there to deal with me
( this is hell.... when someone is so nasty to you its real hard to sit there and keep your mouth shut and not defend yourself)
I dont know what to do.. I have struggled for many many years to hold our little family together but I dont know what to do about his problem and its not good for our little ones to see all this and think its ok to treat mommy this way.
SOOOOOOO LOST!
Hello about two weeks ago my husband hit rock bottom so to say and went into detox...
He has been on opiates and barbituates due to a bad back injury and depression and anxiety. Over the past 5 years there have been times of a living hell.... looking back now I think I think I was partially in denial and lost as to what to do... at times he was so mean and has always pointed the finger at me..saying to me im the reason he drank heavy at times and needed to be medicated... but my prayers were finally answered when we got into detox. I was full of so many emotions on the day this happened it was overwhelming but i vowed to stand by him and do what ever needs to be done and here we are it has gone as to be expected so far he was in the hospital detox for 5 days I have been bending over backwards trying to make him comfortable and doing anything I can but I have to say I feel like Im in the dark. (really need to find a good support group)
It has been going ok for the two weeks hes been home but Monday was the worst day yet... note(this is mentally exhausting, I dont know what to do really there is no intsruction book and I dont know how he feels inside, I have never been addicted to anything) I hit a little wall myself and was a hair grumpy, tired, and He instanly attacked me verbally saying i knew the nice you over the last two weeks was fake there you go back to being a bitch and not supportive and its your fault i drank and had to take xanax and other scripts and on and on he went.... I managed to keep my mouth shut but i did say to him i am human and I cant be perfect everyday, this is hard for me too. At one point he stormed out of the house saying I sent him into a anxiety attack i burst into tears unable to compose myself any longer... then finally in the wee hours of the morning after hours of verbal attacks on me like a lightswitch he turned to doscile again and finally slept. (during this rough day his eyes were dialated,all i know is that can be related to withdrawl)
I didnt see him much yesterday but he tried to go see his old shrink and get meds but thank god he couldnt get in.
This morning I got up and it seemed ok he was ok...nice.... then I called him to check in and see if he needed anything and he went off all over again on me saying since monday when I set him off its been one big constatn anxciety attack since then and its all my fault and all these years Im why he took all this stuff and drank... and on and on....
I am at a loss... I simply dont know what to do
I was told to expect these mood swings but how long does this last and how much do I take with a nod...
I really pray we can get through this and he can stay sober (although he did tell me he stopped at a friends house last night and had two drinks) But has been away from all the pills as i disposed of them before he came home from hospital.
Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.
5/29
last week was HELL... nothing i did wsa right and all i got was verbal knives in my face and our muddied past thrown at me.. he was very nasty and it was 90% at me. he even threatened to call the cops on my friday evening saying i took something from his truck but wouldnt say what he was missing. he got irrate for about 15 min then i took him and our daughter to a dance then on our way from the dance i got a little lost downtown and he flew off the handle and said i wasnt listening( hosetly he wasnt telling me where to go like he claimed) it blew up really bad with our kids in the car and i finally got him to his friends house and dropped him off. he was spending the night and helping them with a home project.he was sooooo nasty!
then the next day it was a text of hey how are ya sorry bout last night... (really) its like a light switch presonality disorder. I know some of this is all this detox but im not sure i can survive this with him.
He told me last tuesday he was going to see his shrink meds doc and he went and then told me he didnt see her.
then i find out from his friends he stopped over later that night and said he had scripts in his pocket then had a few drinks....
he is still claiming he has to take a xanax here and there to deal with me
( this is hell.... when someone is so nasty to you its real hard to sit there and keep your mouth shut and not defend yourself)
I dont know what to do.. I have struggled for many many years to hold our little family together but I dont know what to do about his problem and its not good for our little ones to see all this and think its ok to treat mommy this way.
SOOOOOOO LOST!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR. I hope you find the help, comfort and the answers you are looking for here. There is so much collective wisdom about addiction and others will be along soon.
It sounds like he is doing quite an effective job of keeping you in a F.O.G. (using fear obligation and guilt to keep you confused). It's what addicts do......and it's what we (those who love them) allow them to get away with.....sometimes for many years. It's far easier for them to blame us for their addiction than it is for them to accept their own responsibility. It's just what addicts do.
You aren't crazy and you aren't alone.
gentle hugs
ke
It sounds like he is doing quite an effective job of keeping you in a F.O.G. (using fear obligation and guilt to keep you confused). It's what addicts do......and it's what we (those who love them) allow them to get away with.....sometimes for many years. It's far easier for them to blame us for their addiction than it is for them to accept their own responsibility. It's just what addicts do.
You aren't crazy and you aren't alone.
gentle hugs
ke
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