sewmad

Hi there,
Its been awhile since I lasted posted as I've been doing my inventory and making a plan for my life.
Have learnt so much in the last 3 weeks and doing alittle bit at a time.
I still get alittle confused about some things and was wondering if someone could answer my questions.....they may sound stupid to some but I am a novice.

Why do I have to be in recovery? Im not the one with a drinking problem but the things Ive read here and in al-anon books talks about my recovery.

When is the right time to get a sponsor?

How to turn grief and anger into serenity? How do I start?

I still love and miss my partner completely but I have learnt to let it go and let God. I enjoy the times I have with him and not 'worrying' about him all the time. Which is the reason I had to let me go into the safety of God because I can't look after him anymore.

mattmathews

That's such a great question!
When I first started Al-Anon, I didn't know what it was all about and I didn't really know why I was going. I was told to try six meetings, and the one thing I did know was that what I had been doing wasn't working. So I went to six meetings.
I think that by the time I'd done six meetings I'd latched onto that word "serenity." I wanted that. And I had heard that Al-Anon was a gentle healing program...and I felt like I needed a little healing. And I finally felt like I'd found a place where I could speak and people would listen. Not that I could get more than a sentence or two out (at first). That was enough to get me through the first 6 months.
By the time six months had passed, I'd started to notice things about myself. I really was affected by the disease of alcoholism. Living with an active alcoholic had made me numb, sarcastic, bitter, depressed. As I started to work through those issues, I found other things that I could work on as well. I reconciled with my Dad who I hadn't talked to in 28 years. That was kind of a big deal.
For me, besides Al-Anon, I've done lots of reading. I've taken up the practice of meditation. I've lost weight. I'm not depressed any more. I've really seen beneficial changes in my life. And as I approach the top of one hill, I see other hilltops ahead of me. Progress not perfection.
I know I'm not alone. It's amazing seeing other people that started the program around the same time I did and seeing their progress too. It really is just amazing and inspiring.
All you can do is give it a chance. What have you got to lose?

sewmad

I suppose all I have to lose is my beloved but the gains out number the losses within myself.
Im tired of being resentful,anger,hurt,depressed and numb.

DefofLov

Welcome!

Why are non-users in recovery?

Because alcoholism and addiction affects everyone who cares about that person. The affect is often so subtle we can't even tell we have become CO-dependents. Codependents enable users and try to control the users life. We often lose ourself in the process. And if we don't do treatment and recovery it is easy to stay in the habit. Reason being that it normally makes sense to take care of a sick loved one. To love someone normally means standing by them through thick and thin. However, the best way we help our afflicted loved ones is to back off and let them stand (or fall) on their own.

So even after leaving a spouse or significant other who is an A or addict, we may continue the habit of trying to save other people from themselves even if they aren't addicted or alcoholics. We may forget how to share our lives with someone versus taking over their lives (or trying to) and losing ourselves in the process.

I am in recovery and I'm working the steps because I want to establish healthy relationship patterns in the future. I want to let go and have a stronger relationship with my HP. I need reliable support to help me get through the bad days instead of self-medicating wih a dysfunctional relationship with a man.

It feels to good to heal the hidden wounds that contribute to my cycle of dating damaged men and trying to fix them in lieu of not bein able to save my family.

Love,

Lily

CeciliaV

Oh, sewmad, I hear you. It's so hard to let go. I'm still trying. The numbness is natural - protecting yourself from the things that have hurt you by trying to feel nothing at all. I hope your recovery goes well - step by step, day by day. You'll find the happy you again. :ghug3