Is anyone else lonely and depressed?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 83
Is anyone else lonely and depressed?
I have been sober since April first of this year (58 days) and I feel so bad this weekend. I am usually dating someone and happy, I am usually out on a boat in the hot sun with some cold brews with a bunch of other people around. I am always gone for the weekend and although I like my alone time, I do not like being alone like I have been BUT do not feel like I am ready to be around a bunch of drinkers either. It is just not the same as it was. I sort of feel abandoned and the fact that I suffer from severe depression makes it worse. I was kind of dating/friends (someone to hang out with who I enjoyed) this man for over a year and he sort of quit talking to me but I am not sure if it is because I sobered up (he did not drink a lot but drank a few drinks most days) or because he was the last one to contact me? Although that usually does not matter... However, he is the one who normally does the contacting since he is normally busy and I follow his lead. We do not talk everyday but we would have normally been in contact by now.
I do not want to be the first to start a conversation because I have no idea how he feels but I know if he would at least talk to me that I would not be so lonely. I know this sounds crazy. It is just really hard to explain. He is not one to talk much about his feeling but just a few weeks ago he acted like he wanted to see me too. I am extremely surprised that he did not contact me to see what I was doing on this long weekend as well. I don't know if maybe he might have met someone (we were not committed but talked about it and just kind of faded a bit since we live so far from each other). However, we have stayed friends/couple when we talk or see each other. I am lonely and have no idea if he quit contacting me because he feels like I am dealing with a lot right now, it is different now that I cannot drink or has someone else?
The last time that we spoke I told him that I may be going to a meeting with a friend. He did not quite understand what i was talking about because i guess I was vague. He called me and left a message and said. I wasn't sure what you were talking about. I must have misunderstood your text. I am assuming you meant that you were going to an AA meeting or something like that with a friend of your's. I did not get back with him since he didn't ask me a question and I did not feel like it was something that i had to get back with him about. It was no big deal. This was about 3 weeks ago and I have not heard from him since. Seems kind of strange how he was so concerned about mywell being before and i have not even spoke to him in weeks???? We even tell each other I love you when we get off of the phone.... IDK.. Can maybe someone else give me some feedback here? Sorry this is so long but I really appreciate you reading it. I feel awful.
Ugh! He has talked to me many times since I have been out of the hospital and I was even with him the next morning when I woke up yellow. I asked him if I looked yellowish and he said yes. He has also at times called my ex who i am best friends with to see how I am when he could not get a hold of me. You would think by him doing that, that he would wonder by now how I am feeling etc. All as I know is that I am lonely and depressed and am not used to being alone like this.... The few people who i do have to talk to are all at bbq's or something or live far away. I feel like I have nobody at all.
I do not want to be the first to start a conversation because I have no idea how he feels but I know if he would at least talk to me that I would not be so lonely. I know this sounds crazy. It is just really hard to explain. He is not one to talk much about his feeling but just a few weeks ago he acted like he wanted to see me too. I am extremely surprised that he did not contact me to see what I was doing on this long weekend as well. I don't know if maybe he might have met someone (we were not committed but talked about it and just kind of faded a bit since we live so far from each other). However, we have stayed friends/couple when we talk or see each other. I am lonely and have no idea if he quit contacting me because he feels like I am dealing with a lot right now, it is different now that I cannot drink or has someone else?
The last time that we spoke I told him that I may be going to a meeting with a friend. He did not quite understand what i was talking about because i guess I was vague. He called me and left a message and said. I wasn't sure what you were talking about. I must have misunderstood your text. I am assuming you meant that you were going to an AA meeting or something like that with a friend of your's. I did not get back with him since he didn't ask me a question and I did not feel like it was something that i had to get back with him about. It was no big deal. This was about 3 weeks ago and I have not heard from him since. Seems kind of strange how he was so concerned about mywell being before and i have not even spoke to him in weeks???? We even tell each other I love you when we get off of the phone.... IDK.. Can maybe someone else give me some feedback here? Sorry this is so long but I really appreciate you reading it. I feel awful.
Ugh! He has talked to me many times since I have been out of the hospital and I was even with him the next morning when I woke up yellow. I asked him if I looked yellowish and he said yes. He has also at times called my ex who i am best friends with to see how I am when he could not get a hold of me. You would think by him doing that, that he would wonder by now how I am feeling etc. All as I know is that I am lonely and depressed and am not used to being alone like this.... The few people who i do have to talk to are all at bbq's or something or live far away. I feel like I have nobody at all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
First, congratulations on staying sober for 58 days!. The first 90 days are very tough for everyone getting sober. It's a huge deal to suddenly deal with life on life's terms, to go through life without anesthesia (it was that for me). So just hang on, these feelings will change. For the first three months I was so depressed I cried every day, I was a real mess.
How are you staying sober, are you in a program? I only know my own experience and I couldn't have gotten sober without the support of other alcoholics in AA. I'm not a person who could get sober on my own. Now AA folks recommend no relationships for the first year for a very good reason. The emotions that are kicked up by relationships can lead us to a drink. "Relationships are like pouring Miracle Grow on your character defects". Add to that alcoholics are by nature pretty thin skinned. What you do in life is your choice. I recommend focusing just on getting sober.
You're very smart to avoid typical holiday activities. When we're newly sober "triggers" (being in the company of drinkers) can trigger a relapse. I've been in the situation of being at a picnic and all I could focus on was other people drinking. It was terrible. But I can tell you that also gets better as your sobriety grows. I've been around lots of people drinking (after a year or so) and have no problem dealing with it. Or, if I do I know what to do -- leave immediately.
I've been sober 20+ years and also treated for depression that long (actually very common). I wouldn't be alive without AA AND the medication prescribed by my shrink. I don't talk about depression and meds in meetings because I don't want unsolicited advice from people who really are ignorant about both diseases.
What I can say in hindsight is that I had to replace daily drinking with something else (here's where AA came in) because I isolate and would have picked up again. What you are doing is very important and there are many alcoholics who can't get two days.
P.S. I suggest getting active as soon as possible -- fast walking, the gym. It's an extraordinary tool for both staying sober and sane. Try meetup.org where you'll find people who live near you and have common interests.
How are you staying sober, are you in a program? I only know my own experience and I couldn't have gotten sober without the support of other alcoholics in AA. I'm not a person who could get sober on my own. Now AA folks recommend no relationships for the first year for a very good reason. The emotions that are kicked up by relationships can lead us to a drink. "Relationships are like pouring Miracle Grow on your character defects". Add to that alcoholics are by nature pretty thin skinned. What you do in life is your choice. I recommend focusing just on getting sober.
You're very smart to avoid typical holiday activities. When we're newly sober "triggers" (being in the company of drinkers) can trigger a relapse. I've been in the situation of being at a picnic and all I could focus on was other people drinking. It was terrible. But I can tell you that also gets better as your sobriety grows. I've been around lots of people drinking (after a year or so) and have no problem dealing with it. Or, if I do I know what to do -- leave immediately.
I've been sober 20+ years and also treated for depression that long (actually very common). I wouldn't be alive without AA AND the medication prescribed by my shrink. I don't talk about depression and meds in meetings because I don't want unsolicited advice from people who really are ignorant about both diseases.
What I can say in hindsight is that I had to replace daily drinking with something else (here's where AA came in) because I isolate and would have picked up again. What you are doing is very important and there are many alcoholics who can't get two days.
P.S. I suggest getting active as soon as possible -- fast walking, the gym. It's an extraordinary tool for both staying sober and sane. Try meetup.org where you'll find people who live near you and have common interests.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hi dear, sorry you are feeling lonely and depressed. Actually I am too, so just reading your post gave me some comfort that I am not alone.
I don't know all the history between you two but it sounds like he left you a message last - maybe he is waiting for you to respond. He could also be intimidated by your being in AA - even if he isn't an alcoholic, a daily drinker could still be alcohol dependent.
I'm not sure what to recommend, it sounds like you have both been giving off mixed signals, and I also know if you are just learning how to live life sober that you may be better off leaving this one alone for a while and just working on yourself. But you could always try reaching out to him once more and asking him out yourself. He may appreciate your taking initiative.
Holidays can be tough when newly sober. It's almost over. Spend some time here, and if you can do something for yourself tonight, do it! Take a bath, paint your toes, watch a favorite movie, read a book! Me, I just started 50 Shades of Gray.....eeek!!
I don't know all the history between you two but it sounds like he left you a message last - maybe he is waiting for you to respond. He could also be intimidated by your being in AA - even if he isn't an alcoholic, a daily drinker could still be alcohol dependent.
I'm not sure what to recommend, it sounds like you have both been giving off mixed signals, and I also know if you are just learning how to live life sober that you may be better off leaving this one alone for a while and just working on yourself. But you could always try reaching out to him once more and asking him out yourself. He may appreciate your taking initiative.
Holidays can be tough when newly sober. It's almost over. Spend some time here, and if you can do something for yourself tonight, do it! Take a bath, paint your toes, watch a favorite movie, read a book! Me, I just started 50 Shades of Gray.....eeek!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Mayo, Ireland
Posts: 30
Congrats on 58days, great going 
Im sober 14days and im depressed out of my head too, cant even sleep.
I think you should call him, he's probably waiting on you to call.
Your thinking about it too much, Keep sober
Im sober 14days and im depressed out of my head too, cant even sleep.
I think you should call him, he's probably waiting on you to call.
Your thinking about it too much, Keep sober
Want to form an alliance? :.)
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 220
I can't say a lot about the AA stuff as I'm not a drinker but I do know a thing or two about being depressed and feeling alone all the time. The thing I always do when I get down like that or feel alone, I immediately resort to things ranging from cleaning my house or washing dishes to working on work stuff or working out. Since I'm saving my money, it really puts a damper on things I'd normally do with money, but it doesn't take anything to go for a walk or wash a car, etc. Pretty lame, I know, but it's something.
Now if you have some friends, it all changes. You could go out for a coffee, go watch a movie, etc. I have neither friends or family, so I do a lot of work in the office on holidays or weekends. It can suck sometimes, but sometimes, too, it's not too bad and can in fact be fun because I always do stuff that benefits my own future endeavors when doing things on the weekends / holidays. I think of it as if it's a long-term investment.
All that aside, just hang in there. My grandmother always says, "Tomorrow's a new day." I guess she's right and you're definitely not alone. It's weird like that--we're all ants clinging on a leaf that's being twirled around on a big lake hoping and praying that sooner or later, we find land.
Now if you have some friends, it all changes. You could go out for a coffee, go watch a movie, etc. I have neither friends or family, so I do a lot of work in the office on holidays or weekends. It can suck sometimes, but sometimes, too, it's not too bad and can in fact be fun because I always do stuff that benefits my own future endeavors when doing things on the weekends / holidays. I think of it as if it's a long-term investment.
All that aside, just hang in there. My grandmother always says, "Tomorrow's a new day." I guess she's right and you're definitely not alone. It's weird like that--we're all ants clinging on a leaf that's being twirled around on a big lake hoping and praying that sooner or later, we find land.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr 
First, congratulations on staying sober for 58 days!. The first 90 days are very tough for everyone getting sober. It's a huge deal to suddenly deal with life on life's terms, to go through life without anesthesia (it was that for me). So just hang on, these feelings will change. For the first three months I was so depressed I cried every day, I was a real mess.
How are you staying sober, are you in a program? I only know my own experience and I couldn't have gotten sober without the support of other alcoholics in AA. I'm not a person who could get sober on my own. Now AA folks recommend no relationships for the first year for a very good reason. The emotions that are kicked up by relationships can lead us to a drink. "Relationships are like pouring Miracle Grow on your character defects". Add to that alcoholics are by nature pretty thin skinned. What you do in life is your choice. I recommend focusing just on getting sober.
You're very smart to avoid typical holiday activities. When we're newly sober "triggers" (being in the company of drinkers) can trigger a relapse. I've been in the situation of being at a picnic and all I could focus on was other people drinking. It was terrible. But I can tell you that also gets better as your sobriety grows. I've been around lots of people drinking (after a year or so) and have no problem dealing with it. Or, if I do I know what to do -- leave immediately.
I've been sober 20+ years and also treated for depression that long (actually very common). I wouldn't be alive without AA AND the medication prescribed by my shrink. I don't talk about depression and meds in meetings because I don't want unsolicited advice from people who really are ignorant about both diseases.
What I can say in hindsight is that I had to replace daily drinking with something else (here's where AA came in) because I isolate and would have picked up again. What you are doing is very important and there are many alcoholics who can't get two days.
P.S. I suggest getting active as soon as possible -- fast walking, the gym. It's an extraordinary tool for both staying sober and sane. Try meetup.org where you'll find people who live near you and have common interests.
How are you staying sober, are you in a program? I only know my own experience and I couldn't have gotten sober without the support of other alcoholics in AA. I'm not a person who could get sober on my own. Now AA folks recommend no relationships for the first year for a very good reason. The emotions that are kicked up by relationships can lead us to a drink. "Relationships are like pouring Miracle Grow on your character defects". Add to that alcoholics are by nature pretty thin skinned. What you do in life is your choice. I recommend focusing just on getting sober.
You're very smart to avoid typical holiday activities. When we're newly sober "triggers" (being in the company of drinkers) can trigger a relapse. I've been in the situation of being at a picnic and all I could focus on was other people drinking. It was terrible. But I can tell you that also gets better as your sobriety grows. I've been around lots of people drinking (after a year or so) and have no problem dealing with it. Or, if I do I know what to do -- leave immediately.
I've been sober 20+ years and also treated for depression that long (actually very common). I wouldn't be alive without AA AND the medication prescribed by my shrink. I don't talk about depression and meds in meetings because I don't want unsolicited advice from people who really are ignorant about both diseases.
What I can say in hindsight is that I had to replace daily drinking with something else (here's where AA came in) because I isolate and would have picked up again. What you are doing is very important and there are many alcoholics who can't get two days.
P.S. I suggest getting active as soon as possible -- fast walking, the gym. It's an extraordinary tool for both staying sober and sane. Try meetup.org where you'll find people who live near you and have common interests.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 83
You all are so sweet. LOL... Thank you.... All of your words really did help. No, I do not have any friends and the family that I do have is in California. I have very little energy to do anything. For some odd reason out of the blue my entire body hurts when I wake up like I have arthritis. I can barely even walk. My legs, ankles, wrists, back and feet. I have felt like this for the past month for no reason. Also, I have been unemployed for a year now. I have just now found work but it is only contract labor and I do not know when my start date is. I thought that it would be tomorrow but it isn't. I have almost 20 yrs of good solid work history in aviation. I have no idea why I cannot find anything decent. Therefore, I also had to be in the hospital for 8 days without medical insurance. The bills are just now coming which doesn't help. UGH!!!! It will take forever to pay that off since I have been unemployed for so long and have other stuff to pay on too. At least I am not throwing out money on the table for a 20 pack everyday anymore though. Right?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Hove, East Sussex
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by SummertimeHigh5
You all are so sweet. LOL... Thank you.... All of your words really did help. No, I do not have any friends and the family that I do have is in California. I have very little energy to do anything. For some odd reason out of the blue my entire body hurts when I wake up like I have arthritis. I can barely even walk. My legs, ankles, wrists, back and feet. I have felt like this for the past month for no reason. Also, I have been unemployed for a year now. I have just now found work but it is only contract labor and I do not know when my start date is. I thought that it would be tomorrow but it isn't. I have almost 20 yrs of good solid work history in aviation. I have no idea why I cannot find anything decent. Therefore, I also had to be in the hospital for 8 days without medical insurance. The bills are just now coming which doesn't help. UGH!!!! It will take forever to pay that off since I have been unemployed for so long and have other stuff to pay on too. At least I am not throwing out money on the table for a 20 pack everyday anymore though. Right?
I actually felt like my body was falling apart,but really it was just allowed to really feel the damage I had done for the first time.
I also became very lonely and depressed,basically turned into a hermit,lol.
But these things will pass,just remember that you are ill and be kind to yourself and over time things will get better!However I won't lie to you,there may be a very rough time ahead.... but when Dawn breaks.....
Love and Hugs
William :ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 83
Well. I did get through the weekend and tomorrow I start a new job. However I have no idea how long it is going to last. I have not worked in almost a year because of the economy. I have a good solid and stable 20 yr work history too. That is going to be rough. I have never been off of work for more than maybe a few weeks. They want me to start early too. UGH! That means I will have to wake up even earlier to get my body to work to get in the shower and then start counting the two hrs that it takes me to get ready for work after that. LOL.. Yes... It takes me forever. I do not like to be rished and right when I wake up I have to stretch so I can get out of bed. My body hurts in the morning. I hope it goes away sometime.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 83
I know. It is hard but after a while even though you want to drink because you are depressed you just don't because you know that you are letting yourself and everyone else down. It is no good. I wish that I would have chose to quit at your age. I think it would have been A LOT easier. The longer you drink, the harder it is to quit. I ended up writing my friend last night that I talked about in my post and he never responded. i have no idea what the deal is there. he was there for me up until about 3 weeks ago and just went solo on me. We were close. Guess he got to thinking that I wasn't all that cool since I quit drinking. I am shocked that he did not even aknowledge my email and say a tiny hi back though.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 10
If you realize that you are depressed then you must be, because some people don't even recognize depression in themselves. Your life doesn't have to be like this. With professional help like anti-depressants and counseling I promise you will feel much better in 6 to 8 weeks. This is something that you cannot handle on your own. Get Help Now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by SpikyMis
If you realize that you are depressed then you must be, because some people don't even recognize depression in themselves. Your life doesn't have to be like this. With professional help like anti-depressants and counseling I promise you will feel much better in 6 to 8 weeks. This is something that you cannot handle on your own. Get Help Now.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
