EvenIfItKillsMe

Besides the obvious normal stuff like physical signs of drunkenness. Both of my parents are alcoholics and both have rx drug addictions (xanax for mom, percocet for dad) as well. Supposedly neither are drinking or using at the current time. For me, the hardest part of this is the constant vigilance. Both have relapsed multiple times- more mom than dad. What weird things signal concern to you? For me little things like seeing dad reuse a disposible juice or iced tea bottle flip me out until I get a chance to taste it on the sly and ascertain there's no clear liquor in it. Mints and gum of course scare me when found on either parent. If dad slows down his candy consumption I wonder where he's getting his sugar fix. If one of them doesn't answer their phone at night I flip. If mom tries to carry her purse to the bathroom I have been known to pat her down etc. what weird signs do you look for that most non-ACOAs wouldn't understand?

Chris1000101

I use to, I do not even care anymore. I did not talk or see my bio-sister for three years. Someone had to tell me she had been clean for over a year and a half before I would call her again. The subtle changes in behavior and mannerisms are the first give away. They may not share that they are going to meetings but if I know the verbiage used and I hear them using it, it is a good guess that they are going. It is when it stops that I know a relapse is on its way.

dollydo

I don't look for signs, it is all "just there" right in my face. My mothers coffee cup at 10 am...I know it's not coffee, it's a manhattan.

tromboneliness

After my wife came home from treatment, I was nervous for a long time -- she drank a lot of water, and would leave water bottles around the house. For awhile, I'd sneak around and take a sip from the bottle when she was out of the room (her drink of choice had been vodka). There was never anything but water in them.

But the thing was, as I kept hearing in Al-Anon, it doesn't matter what I do -- if the alkie is going to drink, she's going to drink, and if she's going to stay sober, she's going to stay sober. Before I got into the program, I tried everything I could think of, to get my parents to give up booze -- the results were a big zero. My Dad drank until he died, basically. My Mom wasn't as much of a drinker -- but again, I had no effect on her, one way or the other.

So they drink, and we catch them -- what do they do? They just get defensive and angry, and tell is it's our fault that they drink, that it's none of our d*mn business, and blah-blah.

My wife has been sober for 16 years -- but that's not my doing, it's hers. If she wants to stay sober, she'll do it. Of course, it's easy to think you're doing well in Al-Anon as long as your qualifier is sober -- the test is what happens when they relapse. I'm hoping she doesn't, but if she does, I'll just have to figure out what I'm going to do about it, in terms of me; not in terms of making her not drink... that part is out of my hands.

T

CookiesAreDone

My mom would stay in bed for days at a time and say she was sick but the only thing making her sick was the alcohol. My favorite part is her declining medical care that I would offer when she claimed she was sick and then her telling people I wouldn't take her to the doctor.