donenow

Hey all,

My husband and Mum know, as well as a select couple of friends (one supportive, one feels threatened and isn't). Went out for dinner last Saturday night with some drinking friends and I just couldn't be bothered with the conversation about quitting, I let them pour me half a glass (which I didn't drink and then poured into my husband's glass when no one noticed). As I was driving it was OK and no one hassled me to have the beers and finish the evening with the scotch as they all did. In fact the tussle with the glass was only a tiny part of an otherwise very enjoyable night.

So I guess I want to see if there's friends you haven't told or don't intend to tell and how is that working out for you. I'm just not enthused about negotiating conversations about why I'm quitting and having them challenged (because drinkers hate hate hate it when you quit). In fact, really it's none of their business and I'm thinking perhaps I could indefinitely avoid having to talk about it...

Thanks for reading!

Luling

I'm telling everyone I'm on a health kick (which is true), and leaving it at that. I'll eventually be able to say that I gave up drinking as part of a health kick, but found that I'm better off without it and have decided to do without alcohol for good. Some people might prefer a different approach, but this is what I'm comfortable with. I'm only on my 7th day though, so I'm still getting used to the idea myself and prefer not to discuss it at length outside of this forum.

scrambled2012

I have tended to simply state my decision, without justifying it. sometimes I will justify it with a joke about the obvious, but beyond that, it just "is what it is."

It is also true however that I don't hang with a lot of folks. since i stopped going to bars, thats been the cutting off of my "drinking friends." I have read and do believe that activites centered around drinking, and friendships centered around drinking, sometimes have to go by the wayside in order to really break free of our addictive patterns.

Regardless, great job on staying the course~~~!

Anna

I don't believe that you owe anyone an explanation as to what you're drinking or not. If you want to tell a select few people your reasons, that's great, but you have no obligation to tell anyone.

I didn't tell people because I feel that my recovery is very personal and I'm not really looking for approval or input from people I know.

LDT

I told my best friend (of decades ) that I had quit drinking....period.. Didn't get into deep detail because she is a heavy drinker herself and had inadvertently sabbotaged my previous efforts to quit. Many will recommend full disclosure, but in my life circle, simply saying "I'm not drinking tonight " ( or these days, or any more ) is all I've ever felt compelled to tell anyone. I'm a private person and this is the way I chose to heal. My friends were a bit threatened at first, as they all drink. But I just decided that wasn't my problem.....I had enough to deal with. These days I'm considered a "non drinker", and no one even questions it. After so many years of drinking, I find that truly amazing!!

karilynn27

I've heard people say that it doesn't agree with their stomach or simply no thanks. I haven't had to deal with this cause my entire life was centered around alcohol so everything had to change for me. I was a bartender.
Over the years I've seen people use alot of different reasons. I'm watching my diet, my blood sugars acting up.
keep it up :ghug3 you can do this

badatbooze

Most of my friends are alcoholics themselves so I just don't go around them. Funny thing is they don't miss me and I don't miss them. The ones that aren't know I shouldn't drink and have told me so. I am finding that I get along great with lots of different people now. People that don't drink or that arent alcoholics....people I used to think were lame.

MalkavianEmily

Well, I've told some people, but not others. For example, a... former friend showed up somewhere I didn't expect her to. I'll be honest, I wasn't happy to see her, or her boyfriend, but I couldn't get rid of them. I felt... upset that they'd started coming to my FLGS, and worried that they'd be there every week. They might not have been in the same game as me, but... there's not much worse than being somewhere with people who are 'not talking' to you.

Then she came over, and we had a... polite conversation. I tried to apologise. It's kind of tricky to apologise when you're not that sure what you did to upset someone, but I tried. And then I told her that I'd quit drinking. Not quite sure why.
Possibly because there'd been a point earlier when, during a lull in the game, I'd been quite close to popping out for a drink to feel more relaxed. It would only have taken 5 minutes, and I doubt anyone would have noticed. I didn't, because I had a nagging doubt that it might not stop at one, and in any case, either it was a one off, and life would go back to normal, so wait for the feeling to go away, or it wasn't, in which case I was going to have to get used to them being there without using it as an excuse to drink.

What's odd is that another... not quite former friend, more old friend I hadn't seen for months was there as well, and I'd not told him. Come to think of it, I've not told many of my old friends. My gaming group, yes. But that's about it.

Sorry if that's not very... coherent.

Edit: Some of the people I'm not telling are people I don't talk to any more and, in at least one case, people I really do not want to know. The others... well, maybe I should have told them, and at some point, perhaps I will.

hypochondriac

Early on I found this really difficult, I thought I would cry if someone asked me why I wasn't drinking! I would stumble over it and avoid the question. I avoided drinking friends, there was no way I was going to do that dance over and over. But a few weeks ago I had to go to a party where I knew people would notice me not drinking...I just said 'I quit' and it felt really good! I didn't have to go into details and only one person asked 'for how long?'.

Saying all that though, I am seeing an old friend soon who kind of knows I had a drinking problem. It is taking all my strength to prepare for this without coming off as evasive. But to be honest there isn't a reason you shouldn't make a big deal out of this, it's a huge thing to quit drinking even if you're not an alcoholic and you should be proud of yourself x

ttbp

If I don't want to explain why I'm not drinking, I just say it doesn't agree with me.

I've had one person ask why, I said I have an allergy to it....they left it there.

Normal drinkers won't bat an eyelid at you not drinking, for them, it's not an issue as they can take it or leave it.

xxx

BillyPilgrim

I just say I don't drink anymore.

If pressed for a reason I will say it wasn't doing me good, and I feel better sober

If pestered in a go on, go on go on you will have a drink sort of way I will say I am alcoholic

It is more important for me to stay sober, than people to think bad of me for having faced up to my problem. Anyway if they forced the booze down me, they would think less of me when I was drunk

But like scrambled , I dont tend to hang around drunks any more, and the people I am around now, dont tend to drink

LDT

ttbd.....you make a good point. "Normal drinkers" do not care a bit if you quit drinking or not. My drinking friend of many years was and still is threatened by my sobreity. After my daughter's wedding 4 months ago she sent an email asking me if I had toasted with champagne or not....said she was just curious...... I did not toast with alcohol, but since I felt it wasn't any of her business, I did not reply.

Yep......we nondrinkers make hard core drinkers a little nervous.

flutter

I'm all about honesty, but not full disclosure. I don't hang out with my drinking friends anymore, it just wasn't congruent with my new life. To anyone who knows me, I'm a non-drinker.. there's really not much more to it than that. To anyone who's pressed with a follow up "why?", usually out of curiosity.. I usually say "I liked it too much", or "I drank too much, so now I don't" but that's happened maybe 2 times out of the past 3.5 years.

JustARide

I don't think you have to announce that you're an alcoholic or that you have a problem, followed by going into great detail about it. But you've got to find a way to avoid situations where people are pouring you drinks and placing them under your nose, and you feel you have to pretend to drink them. That's not going to work long term.

JustARide

I meant to add...
Good for you that you made it. It's great you managed.

I haven't been in a social drinking situation yet with people who are aware of my fondness for drink. But when it happens, I'll choose something other than alcohol. If asked why I'm not drinking alcohol...because I'm taking a break from drinking for a while...I'm eating better, exercising, and working on being healthy and it was getting in the way. I'll make sure to add, I'm still having a good time.

england

I have told people that I am unable to use cocaine as I was very ill last year and it will have an adverse affect on me.

As people saw how ill I was they have accepted this reason.

snoopy87

If somebody asks me why I'm not drinking, I first look at them with a look that says,"why are you asking?" because I think its rude. But my response is "it's a personal choice." In the few cases the questions persist, I don't answer but instead ask them the question, "why the interest?" I don't need to explain why I want to save my own life. I do have a close circle of non-alcoholic friends I've confided in and they're supportive and only ask the question of "how can I help?" I do understand that some people ask innocently so I'm kind with my responses to non-invasive inquiries..

donenow

Thanks everyone! I do agree it's not anyone's business, as much as I've got nothing to be ashamed of in quitting.

I often think it's think it's this overt sensitivity to other's opinion of me that got me drinking so heavily in the first place!

hypochondriac

Absolutely Donenow! But it's a bit of a chicken/egg situation.

If I never worried what people though of me I might never have started drinking to 'increase my confidence'. But then I haven't drank excessively in public for many, many years, because I obsessed about what others thought of my drinking. I think that's what makes me an alcoholic. Other people over drink now and then and are open about it, not drink excessively every day and keep it quiet.

Dee74

hey donenow
by chance I found this old post of mine - it addresses a lot of things discussed here

D