Healing for me, the AS's mother

Old 05-27-2012, 02:20 PM
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Healing for me, the AS's mother

I have been the mother of a heroin addict for three years and have been through all the anxiety, ups and downs, heart break, money, time, blame, guilt, etc, just like everyone else with addicted family members.

This past year I put a large photo album together of my son. It contains photos from his birth up until three years ago when he was stolen from me. The photos show how much he was loved and cherished: baby photos, vacation, day trips, bike rides, hiking, the beach, mountains, a cruise, and all the fun and love we shared as a family. When I start feeling down on myself wondering what I could have done differently, or what I did wrong, I look through this album. It also reminds me that although I hate the monster my son has become, I still love this baby boy I gave birth to. When I had to turn my back on him, I turned to this book to love what he once was.

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Old 05-27-2012, 02:24 PM
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I am so sorry you are going through this. It is the most awful thing for a mother to endure. I am glad you have your lovely photo album to remind you of better times. Most addicts are loved by someone, but they just aren't in any condition to care at the time. I hope your son eventually finds recovery, and I hope you are able to have serenity in your own life, in spite of what he does.
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Old 05-27-2012, 07:22 PM
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Ann
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I too lost my son to addiction, we haven't heard from him for 8 years.

I too prefer to remember the person he was before addiction took him away from us, and I find comfort by saying a prayer each morning asking God to take care of him...then live my day in faith that all is well.

I will add your son to my prayers.

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Old 05-27-2012, 08:44 PM
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Welcome to SR from another mother.

What a lovely idea to have such a nice album to look at when you need to think of all the good things about your son's life.

No matter how deeply addicted our son's are, they are always loved.

You and your son will be in my prayers.

gentle hugs
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Old 05-28-2012, 08:39 AM
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yes, we must remember who they really are. I've always told my son "this is not who you are" when he's been in active addiction. It was such a gradual descent I didn't recognize the evil of addiction at first ... When heroin entered the picture he spiraled out of control quickly, it led him to jail for 18 months, he came out clean and managed 8 months of sobriety before he relapsed. He has been struggling ever since. I think he is clean now but only time will tell. My contact with him is limited. He is living in a tent, just got a job a week ago and is trying to get it together. No little boy or little girl ever says "Im going to be a drug addict when I grow up" it's hell for them and hell for us.

At times when I was overcome with all the angry emotions that come with active addiction I would try to focus on who he really is, the young man I knew before drugs took over his life and mind.

Once when he was not quite two we were driving to a friends house I noticed the moon, it was full and very beautiful. I pointed it out to him "Brett, look at the moon! Isn't it pretty?" without missing a beat he said "Mommy that not a moon, that a COOKIE!" He was so innocent, so sweet ... i don't know why but that moment in time has gotten me through a lot, it was simple, but beautiful, I will never forget how much I love him, have always loved him, from the moment I discovered I was pregnant with him .... he is a gift
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Old 05-29-2012, 03:41 AM
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Tinks65,
That was sweet.Addiction is not who they are,
anymore than they are a high speed film of an accident
at an intersection-----watching addiction is like a slow
motion replay of that film.
Watching their bodies torn and broken and ripped
to shreds before our horrified eyes.
But that IS NOT the totality of their lives.They were human
beings before they entered that intersection----and (although unrecognizeable)
they are human while undergoing that dreadful impact.
And (God willing), they will be functioning humans again someday.
Not all will survive,such is life at high kinetic energy.
But I like to think they all deserve human dignity,no matter
how far they fall.As an addict close to me once said....
"I didnt CHOOSE this.....
NO ONE CHOOSES this devil".
No one chooses to step in a bear trap .But the bait is
enticing,they draw closer,cautiously nibble,then WHAM,
the trap springs.... and they can't get out.
But on that beautiful , wonderful day.... The moon WAS
a cookie.....treasure that day!!!!
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