queenteree

Hi all....this forum has been a constant source of support for me for years. I haven't been on much in the past 1 1/2 years because I'd finally let go of my A n had moved on. Although we were not divorced, we lived separate. We had kids n grandkids which I would let him see if he was sober. I would only speak to him when he was sober also. In the past couple of months he again gave it his best shot to he sober, hut just couldn't....
When we would talk, he'd really realize how messed up his life had become...when he'd relapse, I get 61 voicemails in a day saying all kinds of horrible things to me. In any event, about 2 mos ago, I told him I couldn't do this anymore, n that I was engaged n not to contact me anymore. For once, he actually listened n didn't. I thought maybe he actually was staying sober n respected my boundaries.
Two weeks ago I found out he'd killed himself. He died all alone n was dead for over a week before his landlady found him. Had to idenify his body by photo. He didn't even leave a note...
My son and I are filled with guilt, all kinds of emotions. He left a voicemail for my son (33 yrs old) to say he was going thru a lot of stuff at the moment n wanted to talk to him, asked him to stop by but said if he couldn't it was ok and thanked him for being a great son..he was not drunk n was very calm when he left that message...
I'm just so sad...he died alone...nobody found him for over a week...he was loved, we just had to let go...I'm just at a loss right now...
Thanks for listening....

suki44883

Please don't feel guilty. There is nothing you could have done for him. You tried numerous times, but it always ended the same.

I am so sorry for your loss. He is at peace now.

Pelican

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Prayers and hugs to you and your family as you process this news.

Hollyanne

So very sorry for your loss.
Sometimes this world is too much for people.
Do not feel guilt. Feel joy that you, he, and your son are free from this awful disease.

NYCDoglvr

Did you read about Robert Kennedy Jr.'s ex-wife death? It is the same thing and, tragically, not uncommon for active alcoholics to die this way. Or, jails and institutions. I'm so very, very sorry for you and your son. No one knows why some alcoholics can stop drinking and others can't. Your husband had a disease of the mind that caused his death.

Normally when someone dies the first emotion survivors feel is guilt. It passes and it will with you and your son. There is nothing you could have done or said that would have changed this story into a happy one. God bless.

katysue22

You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers xx

mattmathews

I am also very sorry for your loss. There was a point in my life where I didn't care if my alcoholic wife lived or died. I know I'm not the only person here who's been in the same place. Now, she's in recovery, I'm in recovery and things have changed.
I'm not going to feel guilty about how I felt, I was doing the best I could with the tools I had at that time. But I am grateful that I'm not in that place anymore. And I feel compassion for those who suffer with their disease and never find recovery. Mostly, I'm reminded that no matter what happens with the alcoholic in my life, whether she remains on the path of recovery or whether she relapses, I'm powerless to control or cure her disease.

Nina Kay

Queenteree, I'm so very sorry for your great loss. I'm also very sorry that you and your son are left with so much guilt. It seems that loved ones of alcoholics/addicts always have to live with alot of guilt whether they are alive or gone. I know that it's so sad to think about him dying alone, but even if you'd been with him earlier the same day, he more than likely would have still died alone. He would have waited until no one was with him. Please don't feel guilty. And as for the week, you could have been gone on some sort of vacation for a week & it would have come out the same. It drives us crazy to try to cover all of our bases where our loved ones are concerned. We just can't do it. None of us can.
(((((((((((Very Caring Hugs)))))))))))

Impurrfect

(((QT))) - I am so sorry for your loss. Sweetie, you did what you could and though I know we often feel guilt and "what if's" you have nothing to feel guilty about.

You, your son and all who loved him are in my hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

I'm so sorry for your loss queenteree

D

Ann

I am so very sorry and my prayers go out for you and your son. No matter about the details, addiction kills and it is just tragic.

Please try to get past feeling guilty. We all know that if love could save our addicted loved ones, not one of us would be here.

We are here for you and I hope that somehow the support you receive will help comfort you through the coming days.

Hugs and Prayers

Katiekate

I can't even imagine your pain.

I'm so sorry for you loss.

AlreadyAlone

Big hugs to you Q.

I think you are facing what is my biggest fear. What I would want someone to say is: he is in a better place now- free from the pain of his disease and knowing how he was hurting those he loved. He never asked to become that person.
Wherever he is now, he is back to being the innocent soul who just wanted what we all want from life, and he is surrounded by love.

I hope this gives you some comfort.

Spes

Dear Terri,

I went back and read all your posts and I sit here trying to type with tears in my eyes. Your life has made a difference in mine and I have a lot of thinking to do. You are an incredible person.

I am so sorry and I pray for you and your son.

(((hugs)))

MsPINKAcres

Prayers of comfort for you and all who love him ~ as it has been said several times by wise members - he was not defined by his disease ~

praying the good memories will bring you comfort during the next few months that will be difficult to get thru ~

sweet & gentle Pink Hugs,
Rita

changeschoices

I am so sorry to hear this. It is truly tragic. Please don't blame yourself. You did the best you could, the best anyone can do.

PurpleWilder

I am so sorry for your loss. You did all you could but addiction is a prison with the key on the inside and he just couldn't find it.

I will light a candle for you....

Zoenob

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

Kindeyes

It's hard to find words of comfort.....please know that you and your son will be in my prayers at this time of great loss. My deepest sympathy to you both and all who loved him.
gentle gentle hugs
ke

nel68

So sorry QT **{hugs & prayers to you and your family}}