Notices

I need new plan and excuse

Old 05-27-2012, 11:54 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Healthyfood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
I need new plan and excuse

I will keep it short.

I' m going to see my boyfriend (ex) next Friday. We separated 1.5 years ago. My drinking was out of control. 2 bottles of wine a day.
I could not stop and decided to move out and get some help.

I'm very nervous about Friday because he has never seen me sober (in the evenings). Im worried that he might be shocked and will ask questions if I would like to drink.

I really need advice, new plan and perfect excuse. I really don't want to tell him that I quit for good.

And also how can I ask him not to bring any booze, not even beer for himself. He does not drink often... and if he does its just one beer.

Healthyfood is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 12:10 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Powerless over Alcohol
 
IndaMiricale's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
You dont need any excuse just the truth You simply dont drink anymore and I am sure he will to hear that.
IndaMiricale is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 12:12 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Why not be honest with him? If you separated because your drinking was out of control, and he's not much of a drinker himself, then he would surely be pleased to find you sober?
I don't think you have to go into any detail, but just say you've decided to stop as it was making you ill?
It is a huge deal for you but normal drinkers don't see alcohol like we do. I think you may be pleasantly surprised that it is less of an issue for him than it is for you xxx
Jeni26 is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 12:17 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
OCDDan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 773
meet for breakfast?
OCDDan is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 12:26 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Healthyfood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
IndaMiricale and Jeni26

The reason I can't tell him the truth is because I used to promise things in the past and never stick to them. For example, new diets, exercising.

So this time, I don't want to tell anyone that I quit. Thats why Im looking for good excuse and I will keep making those excuses forever for each and every event.
Healthyfood is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 12:29 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Healthyfood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
OCDDan

No its in the evening on Friday. Used to be drinking day.
Healthyfood is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 12:30 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: In the studio
Posts: 16
I kind of feel you on the "I am getting healthy you guys" then drinking or going back on what you said. I do it all the time. But the fact is, if you are really sticking with it this time, then its completely different this time. You should be proud.
Kafka is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 12:39 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
I wouldn't mention it at all then. The only person you're accountable to is yourself. You aren't making any promises to him at all. I know you have in the past, we've all done that.
Just keep it as a non issue. If he offers you a drink, say no thanks. If he asks why, say you aren't drinking today because you've been ill. You aren't lying. If at some point you could go into more detail but only of you want to. I've been in drinking situations with people who don't know I've quit. I've said the same thing and the questions go away.
Wishing you the best of luck xx
Jeni26 is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 12:42 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Healthyfood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
Kafka

Just don't want people to know that I quit for good. I will make a huge list of excuses for each and every event.
Healthyfood is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 12:51 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
cheeto's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: vancouver,BC
Posts: 85
"The reason I can't tell him the truth is because I used to promise things in the past and never stick to them. For example, new diets, exercising.

Ha,I don't know how many times I told everyone "BUT SERIOUSLY THIS TIME IT'S DIFFERENT,THIS IS IT!"
So just tell him that you are not drinking right now since you are on a health kick (isn't that your name you go by?) and that is the end of conversation.I bet he won't want to get into it more...
I actually have quit drinking in the past to lose weight with all the empty calories in drinking.
cheeto is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 01:21 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
MsJax's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
Healthyfood~you are recently sober, if I remember right? Is it truly a good idea to even see him right now in the first place? I have about 14 months & I still make sure that I am making good choices for myself that support sobriety. It sounds like he's not much of a drinker but maybe still a bit of a trigger for you? Don't know! If you do go and he asks about the booze, I'd just say no thanks, taking a break. Let your actions speak. Best wishes. Relationship stuff is tough.
MsJax is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 01:23 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
wwhen I was drinking I also had really bad allergies. So Now I tell people I take anti histamines and cannot drink. And it is not even a lie since I really need to take them. Everybody who knows me when my allergies act up tells me now under no circumstances to drink. They do not want to deal with me sniffling sneezing and keeping them up all night.... lol
SASA is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 01:37 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
hypochondriac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I can relate HF, the amount of times people have heard me say I'm giving up smoking just to see me go back... Now I tell people and they don't make a fuss or point out all the times I've said it before, I certainly don't get any 'well dones' anymore but it doesn't matter because I know that I've quit forever this time. I had this huge sense of relief when I said 'I quit' about drinking too, and only one person has questioned me on the timescale. Most people won't think about it.

To be honest HF, I think that if you actually want to get back with your ex then you should be honest. Don't make a fuss, just say you have quit and wait to see what he asks and answer honestly. I've heard people say that you need to prove that you are not drinking by your actions not your words, but that doesn't mean to say your words are worthless. If he was ever concerned about your drinking he will be glad to hear you have quit. And if he doesn't belief you, it doesn't matter because time will prove that you have quit for good this time. You've been sober a long time now, have some faith in yourself and others will too.

I hope it goes well whatever you say xxx
hypochondriac is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 01:43 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Luling's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
I agree with those who suggest the health kick angle, because it is convenient, requires minimal explanation, and has a degree of truth. It is health-related after all. I've been telling everyone around me that I'm on a health kick, I just don't mention that it's permanant.
Luling is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 01:59 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Sober Alcoholic
 
awuh1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Tell the truth. NO excuses, NO lies. You don’t need to go into detail about anything. There are a couple of very good ideas for exactly what to say in the responses above. They fit with the idea of being completely honest.

I think this is quite an important point actually. It might not seem like a big deal in early sobriety but it’s my view that honesty makes sobriety far easier. Alcoholics often have a hard time with the truth. I did. I think that we want the world to be “better” in a thousand different ways, so we play “pretend” . We drink alcohol to feel better about the things we don’t like. Then, eventually, we pretend that we can handle our drinking.

Ironically it’s only when really bad things happen, as a result of all this pretending, that life without alcohol begins to look more attractive. It’s my view that deceiving, or even misleading others, is a step back toward "the land of make believe” that ended up so troublesome in the first place.
awuh1 is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 02:07 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Crazy Cat Lady
 
DisplacedGRITS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Honesty is the key. When we start lying or hiding we open ourselves up to all kinds of trouble.personally, when i find myself starting to lie or hide i stress and stress opens me up to craves and craves make me weak and weakness leads to drink. Be honest and don't worry about what other people think of you. That is their problem, not yours. Being honest with yourself and others is the healthiest way to live and the one most likely to keep you sober.
DisplacedGRITS is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 02:08 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Healthyfood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
Thank you for all your support! My ex will be very happy to see me sober at last. I will not go into details about my choice of being sober. And I will not tell its permanent.
Will make excuses all the time.

I guess I need to learn how to be around people without the booze.
Healthyfood is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 02:24 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Quitter
 
JustARide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Philly Burbs
Posts: 102
I saw in one of your threads that you want to get back together. Well why start out with a lie? And why put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted, when you could just say, "I don't drink anymore, but it's still hard for me...would you mind not bringing any alcohol, I know you're not a big drinker anyway"

Just my two cents.
Good luck
JustARide is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 03:00 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
excuses got me drunk. honesty keeps me sober
tomsteve is offline  
Old 05-27-2012, 03:07 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Healthyfood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
After reading your comments Im starting to think that honesty is really important. I will just say that I don't drink and will ask not to bring any booze.

People will get used to new me and won't bring any booze.
Healthyfood is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:03 PM.