forabetterlife

I really just don't even know where to turn. Is it sad, or good, that I am turing to SR rather than reaching out to friends or family in my time of need? I dont' know, I just know that I am more comfortable here, and feel more understood. My head is spinning and I can feel myself going on a downward spiral, the struggle, the motivation, the success..I'm having one of those days where nothing seems worth it anymore. I know that's not true, but at this moment, I am pissed off and frustrated..at myself, at someone who hurt me and is continuing to hurt me, at my life choices and my lack of strength. I just want to sleep or drink the day away - anything to avoid the pain, my mind, my thoughts.
I've allowed my strength and my confidence to be taken away from me by someone who has done it dozens of times...
I may not sound it now, but I really am a sane person, and so much good in my life. I love my career, two beautiful healthy children, a home that I love and love taking care of, and friends and family who I know love and care about me. So why do I allow one person, to bring me down and let me fall into these lows?
My mind is frazzled. I want alcohol out of my life completely, but just don't feel like I can do it now with these emotions. It makes no sense.
I need support. Plain and simple.

Lost3000

I've wondered the same thing before. With me it was my husband. I thought he was the person who was making me so down. Little did I realize it was the booze. I tried everything. I remember seeing a therapist hoping that person could show me the way. Of course I wasn't very upfront about my drinking, so the therapy went nowhere. I hope you find your way. For me, stopping drinking clarified my feelings a lot, and now I find my husband to be much more loving and open than before.

Sapling

You have support here forabetterlife...The only thing I am sure of...For as bad as you are feeling right now...Alcohol can only make it worse...Just hang in there...And don't drink...What's going on?

DisplacedGRITS

Take time to focus on the good in your life. That person can only take away what you give them. You can and will recover and be stronger and wiser. With pain comes growth. Take time to let yourself feel sad. It's a legitimate, human emotion but don't wallow in it. Learn from it and grow stronger from it. And post and read here. We're always here for you and happy to be of service.

artsoul

I'm so sorry things are rough right now. I know what it feels like when every thought just hurts and you can't seem to let it go.

It sounds like this person is not a positive influence in your life. I think when something like this that comes up again and again, there must be a lesson behind it that we need to learn(?). Maybe there is a way to look at this as an opportunity/challenge?

I do know that running away from myself/feelings, especially with alcohol, doesn't get me anywhere. I have to accept myself and my feelings and learn to be my own best friend or I get stuck in the negative, too. (What helps me a lot is "mindfulness" - you can google it if you have the chance).

I'm glad you posted today - I'm sure there a lot of people can relate to what you said. We're here for you - :ghug3

forabetterlife

Yes, yes, yes...thank you all for saying exactly what I needed to hear. I was reminded of the quote, " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". I guess we all, at times, seem to let other people control how we feel about ourselves. But for me, in this case, I have always felt like he was my conscience, if he didn't want me or didn't like something, then I had to be wrong-because he didn't drink and he seemed so level headed. But this time..I think his treatment of me is unwarranted. And I need to release myself from blame, and stop letting him bring me down.
This situation with him ( my ex BF, which sounds ridiculous to say at my age, over 40) are tightly wound, and its very complicated. He does not drink, its not that. Its just all mixed up and its something I need to figure out for myself. Letting him go and alcohol go at the same time. Really, really, letting them go...not just until next time, or until things get better, or I get better, or until some time has passed. Just once and for all.
Really hard to handle all at once, but I know that it's what is right, and what is right for me .