Chasityh

I have only been sober two weeks but I am trying to learn about my disease. I notice with myself that I use relationships in a self destructive way, is this typical for an alcoholic? What I mean is I can't be alone, always need someone there. My friend who is in NA and inspired my sobriety says that it is part of being an addict. I realize I need to get into meetings & I should probably work on staying away from relationships too right? Any insight on this would be good. Thanks.

tomsteve

when i was gettin high and drinking, i didnt have relationships. i took hostages. when i got into recovery, i didnt listen to those who told me dont get into a relationship for the 1st year. i proved to them it IS a bad idea. although i didnt get high or drunk, i was with someone as sick as me and she kept getting high/drunk and i wasnt able to work on me.
what i shoulda done is bought a plant. if it was alive after 1 year, get a dog. if at the end of that year, if both the plant and dog were alive and healthy, then i could start thinkin about a relationship.
what that would do is allow ya to work on you and learn how to have friends.

irishgirl05

hi chastity. day 2 here and i have been doing a lot of reflecting on the role of men in my life as a drinker. i think i needed a lot of validation from them. whether it was overconfidence from liquid courage, or the opposite (major self-esteem issues), i'm not 100% sure. what i do know is that on the rare occasions i did manage to meet someone i was interested in, within days i would mess it up with my drunken antics.

it is intimidating to think of dating someone in the future who is a non-drinker (i have never done that before), or not dating anyone for a long time. but, i need to get myself right before i can be there for anyone else. all i can do is hope that the pieces will fall into place once that happens, and be patient in the meantime. i hope that for you as well!

congrats on 2 weeks btw!!

cheeto

Day 3 for me now but I have had sooo many relationships with men and have messed up every last one with alcohol.That makes me feel even worse so that leads to lower self esteem and just makes me want to drink,good solution eh???
Funny I did go out with quite a few men that didn't drink at all.
Knowing that I have to wait at least a year makes me it very lonely for me but I know I do have to work on myself and learn to have a relationship without alcohol.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Learning who I am and how to have a relationship with my self is most important, then learning to have friends is also crucial...then I can know how to have a relationship with the opposite sex (for me). It's a process. Healing relationships of my past (family and some friends) is also important. The steps are the solution; the meetings help us to begin some friendships....

Glad you are here!

quitforme79

I find it harder to be in relationships, preferring to be alone. Guess you could say some of us isolate and some become dependent upon others. Alcoholism isn't a perfect science...We are all unique, that's for sure

DisplacedGRITS

Until you are solid in recovery and have your own house in order, what do you have to bring to a relationship? I'm married so i'm out of the discussion as far as personal experience but that was a point that someone made to another person who asked the relationship question that really stuck with me.

DisplacedGRITS

It's crucial not to isolate but we also have to be aware enough of our actions and responsible enough to not harm others. We are responsible adults and responsibility is part of recovery.

FindingJoy

Coming from an ex girlfriend of a recovering AB....when I asked him about the one year rule he told me that didn't apply To people who are currently in a relationship. I chose to believe him. That was a horrible idea!!!! He is actually more toxic sober in terms of behavior to my self and others.

So unless you want to suck the life out of someone work on you first. AA knows better, we just might not like the suggestion.